Back In The Land Of Boddie

Well Xmas has gone and I have once more migrated North with the caribou looking for fresh pasture. Xmas was good, saw lots of people I haven't seen for ages and they're all fine and dandy which is nice. The Aged Ps are well and enjoyed their Xmas too. For Xmas lunch I had parsnips, roast potatoes, stuffing, bread sauce and cranberry sauce all mashed together and covered in gravy. It was like nectar of the Gods. Not easy to eat it must be said but it tasted divine. Also had bolognaise sauce whilst in Swansea so the week was a succession of "firsts". Had DVDs and CDs for Xmas along with National Trust membership and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Hurrah.

Off to the gym at 0900 tomorrow morning with DD so we'll see who faints first (I suspect it will be me!). Then to the casino on NYE. I'm fairly sure I'll have to go and find something new to wear in the sales. I'll report back once a purchase has been made. J x

Can One Tattoo Over A Scar?

Just a thought... J x

Its That Time Of Year

Christmas Competition

Ok this is for charity so pay attention. For every person who responds to this posting I will put £1 in a jam jar. Your response should include your favourite christmas(ish) quote and the details of your favourite charity. Come the New Year I'll read through all the quotes and decide which is my favourite (I'll also give my reasons and feedback for the unsuccessful quotes where required). All the money in the jam jar (once the jam has been hosed off- ho ho ho) will be donated to the winner's charity. Clear? Then get posting. For all you posting virgins out there who just read the blog and never comment this is your excuse to sign up and get blogging. Merry Christmas everybody. J x

Scarred For Life

Went to the scar clinic today. What a depressing place Wythenshawe hospital is. And the staff, don't get me started. However, the doctors were nice and, apparently, I saw two of the top plastic surgeons in the country. Unfortunately there isn't a great deal they can do for my scars. They do think, however, that they will get better and less obvious over time. So I had some photos done and they're going to leave me for 6 months during which I have to wear a tube bandage on my arm. This applies pressure to the scar which apparently makes it disappear. No but seriously, it does flatten the scar and cause the red colour to diminish. If there is not much change after 6 months they'll see what can be done with my arm although there would be disadvantages to having further surgery i.e. further scarring! So its a question of wait and see on the scars. Not done much else today. Had a lovely long sleep last night though. And don't forget, its only a couple more days before the year turns and the evenings and mornings start getting lighter again. That's me for you. Always looking on the bright side... J x

Party On Dude

So went to the party. Which was in Whalley Range (honestly, I didn't know such places existed). But in a nice part of Whalley Range. House was huge (three sitting rooms!). Packed to the rafters with gay men, most of whom I'd never met before. Sounds like heaven? And it would have been at one time except I found myself strangely self concious. Gay people are just so damn judgemental (and I include myself in this). At one point everyone gathered round the piano and sang carols. Only I couldn't join in because I had no idea what my singing voice would sound like. Do you realise I haven't sung along to anything (not even in the shower when I tend to be thinking about work - remember that Bob?) since the operation. Rest assured I have been singing today and it sounds OK - or at least as OK as it ever did. Gordon & Lizzie were there (as was Jim) and it was great to see them all again so I enjoyed myself actually. I was just surprised by my own reactions to a large crowd. Didn't get home until well after midnight. Dirty stop out!

Went to the gym this morning and did a workout which was cool. Now have my own programme to follow which I'm supposed to do 3 times a week but I don't suppose I'll fully get into it until after Xmas now.

Called round to DDs after the gym and then took her Christmas booze shopping (she filled 5 carrier bags) and then went back to bed this afternoon. Watched Hogfather (disappointing) and Lost (cliffhanger as per but we don't get to see any new episodes until February - bastards). Anyway, happy holidays everyone. J x

Hours & Hours

Did 5 and three quarter hours on Friday. My longets day since the op. Let me tell you about that day...

Wake up in morning take painkillers and nutrition. Walk through rain to work. Work. Walk through rain to go home at lunchtime. Painkillers and nutrition. Fall asleep on sofa for half an hour. Walk through rain back to work. Work. Walk through rain back home. Painkillers and nutrition. Walk through rain to gym. Do gym induction. Wlak through rain back home. Exhausted. And wet.

Off to a party tonight with Jim and Gordon & Lizzy. No idea who is throwing the party but they're obviously people after my own heart since they have a theme. Everyone has to take a Christmas decoration that is somehow related to Alice in Wonderland. What a good idea...

Back to gym Sunday morning to find out what sort of training programme they have worked out for me... J x

Casino Royale

The casino is to die for darlings. We'll be spending our NYE there for sure.

Met up with Jacky (newcastlewench) on Tuesday evening. Went to The Living Room for a drink and a catch up. She'd bought me a whistle thing with a plunger that makes noises like the clangers for Xmas. Just what I always wanted... Now where is that pesky soup dragon?

Then off to a director's meeting for the building. Walking through Manchester city centre at 1800 with all the hustle and bustle of people shopping and leaving work and going out for drinks took me right back to the good old days of leaving work at that time. I got quite nostalgic. Anyway, I'll soon be back there as did my first 6 hour day today (3 hours in the morning followed by a 2 hour lunch - snoozed for half an hour - and then 3 hours in the afternoon). I think it will work out OK.

Have had to postpone my gym induction until Friday as its the social club Xmas do tomorrow and I can't miss that (even though the buffet will be beyond my reach - oh for the days when I was first in the queue...). J x

Joined The Gym

Which means Denise gets £20 or something. Anyway, we're treating it as an excuse to go to Manchester's newest casino for cocktails on Wednesday.

So Long, Farewell, Auf veidersein (sp?) Goodbye

The Aged Ps have departed the banks of the Medlock and set sail for sunny Wales. It'll only be 12 days before I see them again so the farewells were not too tearful. We spent yesterday morning at The Lowry (theatre not hotel). The current exhibitions are good (if you like Lowry the painter, which I don't) and excellent if you like football (which I do a bit but I thought the 2 exhibitions - photographs from the World Cup and general "art" on the subject of football for some competition or other were out of this world and well worth a visit). Then a quick mince round the mall before hopping on a tram and back to the executive suite at the Hilton. Honestly you needed to prise them out of there with a crowbar and, indeed, most of yesterday afternoon was spent there. Considering the weather yesterday though this was no bad thing. They went off to Choice for their evening meal last night but were disappointed by the "small and ordinary" menu. I stayed home and watched Lost. Not the most exciting episode ever (is anyone remotely interested in Africa?) but it sets Jack up for an exciting op in the future. Do we believe that woman who looks like his ex-wife? Hmmm....

Hoping to join the gym this afternoon and then its back to work tomorrow. J x

P.P.P.S

Seeing newcastlewench on Tuesday (she's packed her gun and headed off for manchesterford on the slow train) so if anyone wants me to give her a hug or anything then just let me know (although I'll be giving her a hug anyway whether you want me to or not). J x

Shopped & Dropped

Harvey Nicks and Selfridges (natch). Boots on account of my father managing to lose his glasses last night despite having them firmly tied round his neck. And then the Christmas market which (and I've no idea how it happened) completely underwhelmed my parents. I think its all that high living (and high drinking) in the executive lounge. It's gone to their heads.

So they've all buggered off to Albert's Shed leaving me to fend for myself (lentil curry puree followed by black cherry yoghurt followed by ibuprofen) and so it's an early night for me.

Off to The Lowry tomorrow (the theatre not the an hotel) and I'll let y'all know how it goes. Nighty nighty. J x

Updating...

Thursday night: to Dimitris (where else?) to celebrate la DD's birthday. She was there, resplendant as ever along with her posse (does she ever travel without them?). Including a new model type. Very pretty. Although I notice we only got his box in the newspaper... (answers on a postcard to Keith Chegwin...)

Friday and the physiotherapy reassessment went very well (although exhausting). I'd improved in all categories (did you doubt it even for a minute?) and even broke a few records. Must have been helped by the very attractive young intern from Stoke who was just along to help out!

Friday also and the Aged P's et leurs amis sont arrivent. Their rooms (or should I give them their proper titles, their executive suites) are tres belles (they were on offer though). Since they are staying in executive suites they have access to the executive lounge which is on the 23rd floor next to the bar. Except you don't have to queue. Nor do you have to suffer the hoi polloi. And pre dinner drinks from 5 till 8 are free. Yes, you read it here first. Free alcohol. Needless to say the Aged Ps are in seventh heaven and vowing never to stay with me again. Took them on a walking tour of Manchester's Xmas lights (v impressed natch) and then dropped them off at Livebait for their dinner. Everyone had had an exhausting day so I didn't come back into town to meet them after dinner (mine was pureed bombay potatoes - yum, followed by vanilla youghurt and a paracetomol). Watched unanimous (what a bunch of bastards they all are) and then went to bed. Having taken my ibuprofen at 2130 last night I slept until 0730 this morning. 10 hours without painkillers. That's the longest I've been for about a year which was very encouraging.

Shopping today but I'll update you on that tomorrow... J x

Here I Am

Had a quiet (on the whole) weekend with John. We did some Xmas shopping - I bought myself an Armani jacket and he bought me a book (Wintersmith since you ask). He also bought himself some pants. D & G though darling...

Went to see the new Bond which is terrific. Really enjoyed it and I'm not at all a Bond fan normally. Also watched some DVDs - Pirates of the Carribean (II being better than I in my opinion), Sin City (fantastic photography if a little gory) and something else that I've forgotten about already. No late night partying at all I'm afraid.

Saw DD tonight in the Fat Cat. She's fine and dandy and looking forward to being ** years old on Thursday. Spoke to Mrs T (like the new "Mine's a wine" name though) and she's fine and dandy too as is the redoubtable Mr T. Apparently he's about to buy a kilt.

Aged P's arrive on Friday with their friends from Swansea. They're all staying in the Hilton (on upper floors apparently) and I can't wait to see what the rooms are like. They've already booked restaurants for the 3 nights they're here so I'll only be seeing them during daylight hours.... J x

See, Not Very Exciting

Yesterday. Went to work, came home, fell asleep on sofa, watched "...Celebrity..." went to bed. How exciting is that? Which is why I no longer post every day.

Off to a conference though this morning (oooh, very exciting) all about Risk. And now you've all fallen asleep again...

John arrives this afternoon for the weekend. It'll be good to see him again. Not decided what we're going to do yet (well, not all the time anyway). Might go and see the new Bond film. Might do some Xmas shopping. Might get drunk (although this latter is likely to take a long time at the rate of one bottle of beer per hour).

Have decided to send Young Sean a hamper from Harvey Nicks for Xmas to thank him for keeping me alive this year. J x

History Schmistory

Went to see The History Boys at The Lowry. What a marvelous and, in places, unexpected play. We were in one of the upper circles but given the lay out of The Lowry still had a good view of the stage apart from the screen at the back. The Lowry had rather thoughtfully provided 2 small televisions to compensate for not being able to see the screen but it wasn't quite the same...

Went for a drink with Denise to The Deansgate afterwards. Despite the refurb its still as rough as ever so we only had one. Spent Sunday cleaning and putting up Xmas decorations ready for John's arrival on Friday.

Sorry I haven't been making daily entries to the blog but really its because my life is pretty boring at the moment. Not because I'm whizzing around doing all sorts of exciting things. Even the medical appointments are dropping off now. Have decided that I'm better leaving yoga until after Xmas though as there's too much present shopping to do. Will see about joining the gym before Xmas though. Or perhaps I'll just go along to a line dancing class? J x

Saturday

Had my last physiotherapy class yesterday. I've really enjoyed the classes and I'm sure they've done me some good in terms of strength and stamina. Have a reassessment in a fortnight so I'll be able to see whether they have or not. Then saw Frances . Only saw her a fortnight ago so yesterday's appointment was really just to check up that I'm managing the semi-solids OK - which I seem to be apart from mashed potato. Not quite sure why I can't manage mash but it somehow seems too "sticky". Anyway, all the other stuff I manage to puree seems to be going down alright although not without effort. Beer seems to be happening a bit easier now as well - I can manage a bottle in under an hour! Whoopee. Will now see Frances again after the New Year.

Had my haircut and have decided to try growing it a bit longer than I have had it in the past. Hopefully this will distract from the lump on my neck...

Off to the theatre tonight with Denise and her posse to see The History Boys. She thinks its the same cast as is in the film but I'm not so sure...

Have decided to take up yoga (as recommended by my physiotherapist) so if anyone knows of any good classes, please let me know. Apparently I need to start with Hatha Yoga which is a nice gentle one rather than Ashtanga which is quite vigorous. Am also considering joining a gym (again) but actually going this time... J x

Home Early

Left work early today as could not face the pain of "moving day". Apparently all the computers have been put back in the wrong place. left them to it. It also didn't help that my painkillers were in my crate which I couldn't unpack until I knew what desk I was going to be sitting at.

Walked round the shops on Sunday. There was a geek alert in force outside the G-Mex as there was a Collector's Fair on with the personal appearance of "stars" from minor cable channel sci-fi shows. This allied with the fact that there were 2 storm troopers on the doors was enough to guaranteee that outside was knee deep in acne and anoraks. Harvey Nicks was also chock-a-block but with a much better class of customer sweetie. The Christms Market is the usual array of wooden German toys and food stalls selling all manner of unpronounceable wares.

Met Denise for a drink on Saturday (Dimitris, where else?). She was in a good mood because of City's win. Afterwards met Jim for a drink on Canal Street (my first drink on Canal Street for over 8 months). Nothing had changed there. Still as grimy and dirty as ever. All it would take is one upmarket place with a cleaner and all the other places would be out of business...

Am having to dealy my physiotherapy assessment as have been asked to attend a Risk Conference (its not anywhere exciting). Should be fun though. J x

Medical Visits

To Christies this morning to see Young Sean. He's looking well and chipper. The lovely lovely Debbie was with him too. Who needed anyone else? YS was happy with the way things are looking. Had still not heard from dentist so YS said he'd write to him (was this not done first time round?). The lovely lovely Debbie had held up her end of the bargain though because I have a referral to the scar clinic for the 19 December and she'd even managed to come up with a couple of the very expensive (thank you) plasters for me to try on my arm. I'll let y'all know if they do any good.

To MRI this afternoon to see Laura the physiotherapist (the one for for my back and my shoulder). She's also very happy with the way things have gone and she thinks there is nothing left she can teach me. So I'm to keep on keeping on with the exercises she's given me and good luck and merry christmas. So that was good news too. I'm still at the Friday classes though for another 3 weeks. J x

Mash & Daal

Sunday lunch was a bit of a disaster. I thought I'd made the mash quite runny but even so as soon as I put it in my mouth it was like trying to eat sawdust. It just felt so dry and once it was at the back of my throat trying to swallow it was virtually impossible. So after much choking I had to throw it away. Did manage 2 beers though - I'm down to about a beer an hour now.

Had a lentil daal for tea tonight. I heated it in a saucepan and added water and then pureed it using my new hand held blender. It was, I think, about the same consistency as the mash yesterday (although I used a spoon to eat it I could have easily used a fork) but for some reason it was much easier to eat and I managed to finish it all. Hurrah. Progress.

Watch this space for further pureed culinary delights.... J x

Shopping Is So Much Fun

Went shopping for semi-solids today. Had a full shopping trolley - the first time in over 8 months. Tried a chocolate mousse this afternoon (a bit claggy and had to have a cup of hot tea to wash it all down) and am having mashed potatoes, peas, pureed carrots and brown sauce for Sunday lunch! Also bought one of those hand held blenders so am expecting to have kitchen walls decorated with half pureed carrots tomorrow.

I lied about it being the last ever time I would see Mrs T since I'm going to the cinema with her tonight (Marie Antoinette) so tonight will be the last ever time...

DD is off to the wilds of Richmond (which is in Yorkshire apparently rather than on the Thames). Hope its warmer there than it is here. Bloody freezing. Aged Ps are safely back from Portugal (where it rained all the time) and they're coming up with their friends to stay at the Hilton in December.

Seeing Sean next week which will be nice although I've still heard nothing from the scar clinic. Charlotte (the new Caroline) assures me I've been referred though so its not as if she's falling into Caroline's old ways and simply forgetting me... Also seeing Laura who is muy other physiotherapist (specifically for my back and shoulder). I think she's doing some good and my back may be improving slightly. Managed to sleep for 7 hours the other night without waking up for painkillers which is a first since I left hospital.

That's all for now. TTFN. J x

Oh What A Perfect Day (So Far)

Met DD for coffee first thing at Caffe Nero on Oxford Road followed by physiotherapy where I was put up to Level 4 (the highest level) so I must be doing something right. There was also one old biddie and one new guy (younger than me!) there today so I wasn't all on my own. Also Hannah was one of the physios and we like her.

Then saw Frances who says its still too early to say how far my swallow will develop. I think this is encouraging becasue I was beginning to worry that it might not develop much further than it has to date. She's said that i should now move onto "semi-solids" (doesn't that sound appetising!). This includes mashed up vegetables, fish in sauce, scrambled eggs (but I don't eat eggs) and cuury sauces. So will go shopping tomorrow for a whole new larder...

Frances also said that I can keep my tummy tube as long as I want to which is good news since its become a sort of a comfort blanket for me. I'd hate to think of life without it at the moment. Its just so much easier to put painkillers and the Ensure Plus through it at the moment than it is to try and drink them.

Went to see the Xmas lights tuned on yesterday with Mr and Mrs T. Simon Webb was crap. John Savident was crap (the man has no idea how to improvise so I've no idea what he'll be like in panto, I say, I've no idea what he'll be like in panto!) even the 7 bloody dwarves were crap. And as for the mayor, don't even get me started... However the much anticipated "Mamma Mia Firework Finale" was worth all the hype. It was spectacular. Afterwards we walked down Deansgate to see the lights there but they'd forgotten to turn those on!

Seeing Mr & Mrs T for the last time evr tomoprrow. Its going to be emotional.... J x

I'm Back!

At last. The man from Sky has been and twiddled my knobs and I'm back. God I've missed the internet.

Anyway, not a huge amount has happened since I was last here. Went to Chatsworth to see the sculptures (very nice - have some photos I'll try and post). Saw The Devil Wears Prada - enjoyed. Have had 2 physiotherapy sessions - on my own, I think I scared all the old biddies away. My back is playong up a bit, don't know why but still on the painkillers. And that's about it.

Sorry to hear about your friend Roger. Its a terrible thing when someone takes their own life, particularly when you don't know the reason and don't know whether there was anything you could have done to help. I'm thinking of you. J x

Gormley? Where?

Got to Crosby only to find that the tide was in. Not a bleeding figure to be seen anywhere! We therefore diverted to Southport to have a look round the shops and a cup of coffee. When we got back to Crosby some 2 hours later the tide had gone out somewhat which allowed us to stroll along the beach (well, those of us not in heels strolled whereas those of us in heels had a rather harder time of it) and examine figure number 13 and figure number 9 in close up. I shall endeavour to post a photo of our intrepid troupe with figure number 13. It was also pouring with rain by this time. Still, all in all a good day out methinks. Fell asleep on the sofa upon my return immediately after taking painkillers. J x

My Physiotherapy Hell

Actually, it wasn't that bad although it was quite tough. We (me and various old ladies) had to do a circuit of 10 different exercises at a level between one and four (depending on your own fitness) doing one minute on each exercise. We had to do the circuit twice so that was 20 minutes of exercise not counting the warm up and warm down. I was OK on the exercises that involved my legs (all that walking has clearly helped) but I was hopeless when it came to the upper body exercises - particularly those involving my right shoulder. Clearly quite a bit of work needed there. The physiotherapists were very nice and helpful though (as were the old ladies).

Had some ice cream last night but it tatsted of nothing although I did, on the whole, manage to swallow it OK. Will try some soup tonight.

Saw Mrs T this week (she's fine - we're off to Crosby on Sunday to see the Gormley statues before they're shipped to New York). Spoke to Denise tonight who is just back from another holiday (in Italy). She had a nice time and the weather was good. Got Sky calling round tomorrow to convert me from AOL to their broadband although I think I may still keep the same e-mail address. I'll let you know.

Have a good weekend everybody. J x P.S. Think I'll do 4 mornings nest week and see how I cope with that. P.P.S. Would like to thank Fig for the gift of a book - To The Devil - A Diva. Sounds intriguing. Lets hope it lives up to Cowboys... J x

Me? Swallow?

Did the barium swallow with no problems. It doesn't taste particularly nice but it doesn't make you retch either. Its worse when mixed with chocolate mousse (which I also had to swallow). Frances was quite pleased with the results and has told me that I can now move onto semi-solids - soup, yoghurt and ice cream. This is where the weight loss ends!

Caroline has now gone to Australia (she flew last Tuesday). Expect a posting from her letting us know she arrived safely any minute... J x

And So I'm Back...

...from outer space.

Friday: after hours of delay (fog) finally arrive at Gatwick where I'm met by John. Spend very pleasant afternoon strolling along the seafront and round the shops (Brighton has loads of independant shops that you won't find anywhere else). Its really good to see him again but I'm knackered by the evening and so retire to my hotel.

Saturday: meet Figgy (and Mark who'd come along to say hello) at the station and off up to London to see Wicked. Show is just Fabulous with a capital f. Idina Menzel (who plays the wicked witch) has an incredible voice. Manage to drink one third of a G & T before pouring remainder into Fig's glass. Poor Fig has to drink three and two thrids gins as we'd already ordered interval drinks. I can report that he struggled manfully. Then back to Brighton but because I'm too knackered we are unable to go out round the bars waving our programmes for all to see (this is what we usually do and we get ignored by everyone but it doesn't matter because we think we're important).

Sunday: round to Figs house to watch him and his Mum and Dad and Mark eating lunch. We then go for a stroll along the sea front in glorious weather and settle in one of the sea front bars drinking and listening to the buskers. In the evening I watch Dirty Dancing (fab) and Prime Suspect (even fabber) from my hotel bed!

All in all a fantastic weekend marred only by the flight delays both ways.

Got a barium swallow at 0930 tomorrow (so Jane, if you're reading this I won't be in work first thing although I'll come along once evrything's been done) and also need to pick up the letter saying its OK for me to start work.

Food finally arrived tonight. Hurrah.

And that's all folks. J x

Last Post...

... before Brighton.

Had physiotherapy this morning. Exhausting. This session focussed on my general fitness and stamina. In order to do that they needed to know how fit I am now. So I had to do various tests before, during and after which they would measure my pulse, blood pressure etc. Even had to do the bleep test which is knackering. Anyway, turns out that I'm not totally unfit although they still recommend that I do a course of 6 weekly exercise classes which they run. So that's every Friday morning for the next 6 weeks. Unable to make it into work after the workout (nothing to do with a "night on the town" thank you Ms Murray).

Had a call this afternoon from Debbie (a nurse at Christies). Instead of just giving me a gel for my scars they're referring me to a scar clinic at Wythenshawe hospital where I get assessed by a consultant plastic surgeon. Apparently they won't do my nose at the same time...

Bloody food delivery people have cocked up my food delivery (again). Not being delivered until Monday now. Luckily I have enough food (just) to last.

Leaving for the airport at 8 tomorrow morning so this will be my last posting until I get back. Have a nice weekend everyone. J x

Busy Busy Busy

Another v busy day. Work from 0715 until 1145 (walked there and back) followed by a trip to the GP (walked there and back) to obtain letter allowing me to start back at work. The went to Cloud 23 with Denise. Cloud 23 is the new bar in the Hilton hotel at the bottom of Deansgate and boy is it spectacular. Located on the 23rd floor (hence the name) it has its own dedicated lift with just two buttons - 0 and 23. How cool is that? The bar itself is really sumptuous although DD complained about the furniture since it is possible for one to catch ones clothing on it (which she duly did!). But the really breathtaking part of it is the views over Manchester. Incredible- and it wasn't even a particularly clear day today. The really scary bit is a hole in the floor (covered in toughened glass) that allows you to look directly down to street level. Makes you dizzy just to look. The other thing that makes you dizzy is the prices. £2.50 for a fizzy water (me, of course) whilst DD's vodka and orange was £8.00! Not the sort of place one goes to every day therefore but certainly worth a trip for special occasions. Work and (more) physio tomorrow and then off to Brighton on Friday. I'll be glad of the rest! J x

Absolutely Knackered

Was in work by 7 this morning (walked in) and left at 1145 (walked home). Went to MRI for physio (walked there) which was really good (walked home). Fell asleep. Just woken up but still knackered.

Physio was good because we discussed my bad back and it looks as though it could be down to my posture which isn't good as a result of my tight hamstrings. Now have exercises to do to stretch the hamstrings. Fingers crossed this improves my back.

Work aagain tomorrow morning and then seeing doctor in the afternoon to find out if its OK for me to go to work! Hope he says yes... J x

Its All So Bloody Complicated

Stayed in the flat all day today expecting a delivery of food. Was sent 60 syringes but no food. When I phoned the delivery company they informed me they hadn't sent food because they had no vanilla flavour left. Hello? No taste buds? Did no-one tell you? They'll be sent tomorrow now when I will either be at work (am) or at the physio (pm). Or they'll come the day after when I'll be at work (am) or the GPs (pm) or the day after that - work (am) second set of physios (pm). And then I go to London. Bloody bloody. I just hope the concierge takes delivery otherwise I'll be losing a whole lot more weight in the near future...

Looking forward to work though. Officially I'll have to be just a visitor tomorrow as don't see the GP until Wednesday to get signed back on and I'm not insured to work until they have it in writing that I'm fit for purpose.

Spoke to Figgy today for the first time in ages and we're both dead excited about Wicked. Looking forward to seeing him and his Mum at the weekend. Hopefully also seeing John on Friday.

And thank you Sarah for the good luck in work card. Its like starting work all over again. Can anyone else remember those first precious days in the Inland Revenue? Ah, what joy... J x

Just Bought a Prada Tie

Am I wicked? J x

Grand Designs

Gill and I attended the NEC today. Traffic was a nightmare (there and back) but the show itself was good. Pretty much what you'd expect really in the way of stalls etc although I did think that it might have been bigger. Anyway, picked up leaflets etc on loads of different stuff and just need to sort through it all and decide what it is I like and what I don't (and which is the cheapest).

Forgot to phone doctor today so will have to do that Monday. Apparently it is not enough for myself and my manager to be happy for me to start back at work but my GP has to agree (in writing) too. Expect I'll get charged for the letter... J x

Yippee

Saw Indu first at Christies. She's lovely. I'm not sure of her status - registrar, junior doc etc but she always seemed to be on the ward when I was there and has always been really helpful and aware of a patient's needs. Anyway, she felt my neck, examined my mouth and, from nowhere, produced a tube to stick up my nose and down my throat (I'm thinking of having one of these fitted permanently). She professed herself very happy with everything she observed and said I looked fantastic (which I do - I was all in black and looking like a size zero). Young Sean bobbed in and had a chat. He thinks I may be able to have implants to replace my back teeth but he wasn't sure. They'll arrange for me to see the Christies dentist. Sean seemed very happy with everything too. Then Debbie and Charlotte (who is the new Caroline) popped in. Debbie was the one who was supposed to be getting me some gel for my scarring. She said she thought Caroline had given me the gel... I asked if she knew Caroline which was the only comment I needed to make! She's going to see if we can source it through Christies (apparently it costs £50 per tube!).

The really good news is that everyone is happy for me to start work (slowly) so its confirmed that I'll be in 3 mornings a week from next Tuesday (bunting not required although big hugs would be nice). Off to Birmingham tomorrow with Gill for the Grand Designs show at the NEC. Looking forward to that. And that's about all. Toodle pip. j x

Progress

Drank some black coffee today. It was quite weak and very sweet and I only managed half a cup but it didn't kill me or even make me choke so I was pleased. Also had an appointment to see the physios by way of referral from the Intensive Care Unit. It sounds as though this referral concentrates more on general fitness, stamina etc rather than focussing on specifics (i.e. shoulder, back) like the original referral. The 2 separate courses should therefore be complimentary to each other. Also spoke to Dave (temporary manager) and have agreed, subject to Sean's approval, to start work next week doing 3 mornings a week (this, according to Dave, is also known as a "Dave Black week").

Also bought some work shoes. Night everyone. J x

Busy Busy Busy

A relatively busy weekend which included buying a suit that fits (starting work a week today hopefully subject to the OK from young Sean on Thursday), taking a tour round Victoria baths (the one that won that Restoration programme) helping Denise buy a jacket (we didn't get one but will be launching another attempt on Sunday) going to the theatre to see Me and My Girl (not the best production ever but enjoyable nevertheless) and a visit from Karen (the most exhausting of the lot - just joking, it was great to see her). Phew. Bit of a rest day today. Spoke to Mrs T who is currently on holiday in Amble in Northumberland. What a fantastic name for a place. Amble. You imagine that not a lot goes on there. Also did some washing and not much else. Slept for three hours this afternoon. And that's about it. Nothing much happening now until Thursday so I'll let you have a report then. Night everyone. J x

Well That's It

She's gone. Mrs T has jumped ship and left us all floundering in her wake. How will HMRC cope now that its most famous daughter has retired? No-one knows but what we do know is that it was a fab leaving party. Loads of people there, good speeches, a buffet (of which I did not partake obviously), more presents than you could shake a stick at (had you been so inclined) and free red wine! In fact, all the ingredients for a perfect HMRC do. Had to leave early due to back pain but stayed long enough to enjoy myself. Had text from Mrs T after she had been poured into a taxi and it sounds as though she had a good time too.

Off to see Me & My Girl tomoroow at the Opera House. I'll let you know what it was like at a later date. night everyone. J x

P.S. Whatever happened to Little Babes?

Medical Schedical

Well, I seem to have had contact with many many branches of the NHS today...

This morning I phoned the GP to get the results of my blood tests. Spoke to the nurse who confirmed that my blood salts were normal but that I was slightly anaemic. She thought this might be caused by my low blood pressure. What? I thought it was the other way round. I challenged her and she fudged the issue and said that if things didn't get worse and I didn't fall over any more then I shouldn't worry. If I was worried I needed to see the GP. She also recommended that I up my fluid intake to about 3 litres per day (I'm currently on 2 litres). We'll see how things go.

Then went to see Caroline (bless, her last day on Friday). She's done a referral to the physios for my back and given it to me to hand to them. What's the betting they won't accept it unless its come through the internal post? Anyway, Caroline promised to keep reading the blog when she's in Australia and also promised to contribute. So that's 50p to the first person who spots a posting from her...

The went to see Frances who described my swallow as greatly improved. I'll still have to do a barium swallow but I won't need to starve myself beforehand. I'll get a letter in the post telling me when that will be. She also gave me some new tongue exercises to do using an implement. By the end of this I'll have the most skilled tongue in Christendom and won't I be the popular one...

Also called in at HNSU (anyone remember what that stands for?) and saw Christie (the nurse who looked after me the best) which was nice. She asked after the Aged Ps (I think she was taken with my father God bless her).

Anyway, everyone said I was looking really well which was gratifying. I also walked all the way to the MRI and then back again.

Cath called round tonight and it was really great to see her because I haven't seen her for a while. Am now looking forward to Friday when I will see a lot of you who read this blog. And on that note I'll say goodnight. J x

They Never Get It All Right

Went to the physio this afternoon. She was happy to see me regarding my shoulder but wouldn't discuss my back because it wasn't included on the original referral. It seems a bit "jobsworth" to me. I can't see that they could do any damage by giving me advice on my back. Anyway, I now need to get Caroline or Sean to do another referral. Its Caroline's last day on Friday (before she moves to Australia) so unless I see her tomorrow afternoon (when I'm seeing Frances) it'll have to be Sean on the 06/10. Anyway, got some shoulder exercises to be doing in the meantime.

Phoned for my blood test results yesterday and was told somebody would get back to me but of course they didn't. Phoned again today and the person I needed to speak to wasn't in. So will need to phone again tomorrow...

Went to town this morning to buy some new jeans for Mrs T's "do" on Friday (all my others now hang off me - I've officially lost 6 and a half stone now) and had to buy a pair with a 34" waist. I can't remember the last time I had a 34" waist.

Half pay officially started on 21/09 apparently. Worrthing Pay Section wrote to me today to tell me! J x

Oh What a Circus, Oh What a Show

Manchester Airport: nightmare. An hour just to get through security. And you had to take your shoes off. Why?

Arrive in London (plane delayed 20 minutes or so taking off), get to hotel only to discover, when attempting to take painkillers, that the syringe I've brought with me is the wrong type. Go to Boots over the road who say that they don't stock them. I should try the pharmacy at the local hospital. Get a taxi to Guys & St Thomas' (second oldest hospital in London), go to the pharmacy and turns out they don't stock them either. They suggest contacting the nutrition and dietetics department on the 1st floor. Trek to said department only to find everything locked up and closed. On the off-chance knock on the door which is answered by the sweetest dietician one could ever hope to meet. She explains that she doesn't have the exact same syringes as I use but she does have an alternative which works just as well. She then up and gives me three syringes free and gratis without me having a prescription or anything. We like her. The weekend gets better from now on.

Don't do anything Thursday night (the search for the syringes was enough). Friday morning meet up with my aunt and uncle and go to the Tiffany jewellery exhibition at Somerset House which is fantastic. Once the Aged Ps and aunt and uncle have lunch we then go to the Jameel Room at the V & A which is also fantastic. Friday night went to Evita. Much better staging than previously and the woman playing Eva Peron is superb.

Saturday morning is spent on an open top bus tour of London which was half good. Because the guide we had for the first half was excellent but the guide for the second half was rubbish. Aged Ps went off for lunch at Livebait and thence home to Swansea (they arrived safe and sound) whilst I went to meet Sarah. Having dumped my case at Sarah's we went to the Hockney (excellent) and Kadinsky at the Tate Modern (not a fan) where we met with Donna and had drinks (me, fizzy water) and a good gossip. In the evening Sarah and I went to The Ritzy (Brixton's local independent cinema) to see the new Almodovar film which is also superb. This morning Sarah took me to see the Brixton windmill (closed) and then drove me to the station to get to Gatwick extra early because of the security queues. There weren't any! And the plane was delayed by half an hour.

Anyway, I'm home now and absolutely knackered. So I'll sign off here and post again soon. J x

Not Fallen Over Again...

... yet!

Off to London tomorrow morning until Sunday so you'll have to wait until then for all the news. Hoping to do the V & A, the new Hockneys and Evita as a minimum. See you all soon. J x P.S. Good luck for the darts...

Still Dizzy

Saw the nurse and had my blood pressure measured. It does drop when I stand up so she took some blood samples which will be tested for salts and anaemia. I get the results on Friday (when I will be in London) so I'll update you all when I get back. In the meantime I just have to be careful about standing up too quickly. J x

Dizzy Queen

Have been having dizzy spells and, in fact, completely blacked out twice yesterday. The first time was when I got out of bed in the morning. I just suddenly found myself on the floor. However, I had no idea what had happened. Presumably this was because firstly I was half asleep and secondly because I'd fainted. The second time was when Denise was visiting. I don't think it was her fault (although that hasn't been completely ruled out yet!). This time I was in the hall and cracked my head on the bathroom door on the way down. Again, I didn't know what had happened but Denise was able to tell me that I'd said "ow" as I hit the bathroom door and that I'd ended up on the floor. Its all a bit scary. Anyway, have been very careful today about standing up suddenly and nothing has happened. Will phone Caroline tomorrow to ask who I should see about this.

Spent a very pleasant afternoon at a new garden centre with Gill on Sunday. You can never have too many garden centres.

Off to London on Thursday so I need to get the falling down thing sorted by then. Apparently if you fall down when in London people just rob you. Especially if you have aNorthern accent like what I do. Or a whippet. Am taking my parents to see Evita for their birthdays and then staying with Sarah H on the Saturday night. Sarah W is coming to see me on Wednesday evening after some SCI conference or other in Manchester.

That's all for now folks. J x

One Swallow...

Walked all the way to MRI today (and back) and luckily it was the right hospital! Spent about an hour with Frances and had the old tube up the nose and down the back of the throat procedure whilst I sipped ribena and attempted to eat yoghurt. Was also able to watch the video of it afterwards. Have you ever seen your epiglottis? God, its disgusting to look at. Especially when its coated in cherry flavoured yoghurt. On the plus side the ribena and the yoghurt didn't taste too bad.

Frances was happy enough with the progress I've made so far. She's given me some tongue exercises to do which should help my swallow. She's unable to say at this stage though how much of my swallow I'll be able to recover. She has a chart showing the different percentages of recovery and what it means you can or can't eat at each percentage recovered. For instance, if you recover 90% of the swallow then you can't eat peanuts and other similar food. At 80% you cant't eat meat etc. Looks like she's going to schedule a barium meal for me (swallowing whilst being X-rayed) which, by all accounts, is unpleasant. She should be able to tell me more after that. I'm seeing her again in a fortnight.

Not much else to report except to say that I've already finished watching Season 7 of the West Wing which, although not the best series ever, was certainly a fitting way to end. J x

Phew

Today's blessing - Young Sean says that the lump is nothing to worry about. At least he said that once I'd turned up at the correct hospital...! J x

Blessings

Let me count today's for you -

1. Nice day so was able to put the terrace "to bed" for the winter. Just need to buy a couple of waterproof covers for the furniture now.

2. Saw my GP so now have enough painkillers to last a month or two (this is my favourite blessing).

3. Also have a sick note for another 2 months.

4. Although have been thinking seriously today about returning to work. Even if I'm not eating and drinking I'm sure there must be some sort of system we can put in place that means I can get some privacy when I need to shoot up and also that I'm not risking any infections. Will discuss with DR or Business Support when I drop off the sick note.

5. Season 7 of the West Wing arrived today.

6. I've managed to set up my DVD properly (after reading the instruction book rather than just guessing how it was supposed to be set up).

7. I'm on Level 6 of Baldur's Gate (a play station game I've owned for ages but never got round to playing before now).

8. I think my swallowing is a little better today (although the words eggs and hatched are strangely in my head). However I did try some milk yesterday and it didn't work at all.

9. I walked all the way to the doctor's and back and then up 5 flights of stairs.

Bugger still not done my paperwork or hoovered. they'll have to be tomorrow's blessings as I'm all blessed out now. J x

P.S. Does television get any better than Lost?

A Reply To Kathryn

I'm not that worried (seriously). I think its just a part of my chest which now happens to be in my neck. It doesn't itch or hurt and I came across it completely by accident so I can't even say that it hasn't always been there. When I saw Sean last time I asked him what I should be looking out for and he just said "pain" rather than any lumps or bumps. I mentioned then that my back was worse than it had been but he said that my type of cancer doesn't spread to the bones. Of course what I didn't ask him was where it did spread. I shall correct that on Thursday (provided I remember to take my list of questions with me this time!). J x

P.S. Thank you for the belated birthday card and thank you to Donna too for the same. And no Donna, I don't mind you muscling in on my visit to Sarah. Oh dear. I suppose this should have been titled "A Reply To Kathryn & Donna". Hey ho, too late now.

Don't Worry

Have discovered what may or may not be a lump on my neck. Its about the size of a pea and because of its location it may just be something to do with the operations I had. Anyway, I thought it best to get it checked out so I'm seeing young Sean on Thursday morning. I'll let you all know the outcome just as soon as I get back from seeing him. J x

Shame On Me

Beautiful, gorgeous day and I haven't been outside the front door. This has a lot to do with the fact that I have a new playstation game that I'm enjoying immensely at the moment (lots of fighting zombies in a scary old haunted house). Expect to finish it this evening so if the weather is good tomorrow then I may venture forth.

And thank you for all your alcohol related hints and tips. It would seem that alcohol is almost as popular as religion out there is blog land! What does this tell us about the state of the nation? Discuss. J x

Oh Dear

Tried a gin and tonic yesterday. Couldn't drink it. When will this madness end? J x

Birthday Cards

Birthday Flowers from Fig & Mark

What a Lovely Day

As anyone who knows me will tell you - I hate surprises. However, Denise gave me a nice surprise yesterday when I turned up at her flat expecting it to be just me and her off to the theatre. When I turned up there were Jane, Sue, Cath & Gill with cards and presents and champagne (although I only had fizzy water). And the above (minus Cath but plus Bill) came to the theatre with us. The play was called Private Fears in Public Places and was by Alan Ayckbourn. It was good and quite funny. Unusually it was an hour and threee quarters long with no interval. I think this was a mistake since that's quite a long time to sit still and it was very hot in the theatre. Anyway, I enjoyed myself immensely. Thank you Denise.

Got home just in time for Lost. Oh my God, that programme never ceases to surprise me. I did not see last night's events coming. Can't wait for next week to see how it all turns out. Pre-ordered West Wing season 7 from Amazon yesterday too. Dead excited to see that too. Not out until September 11th though.

No plans for today. Will take my constitutional up to the newsagents at some point and that's about it. Also got some washing to do. I miss work... J x

Happy Birthday To Me

Thank you all for the cards, flowers and presents. As ever I'm overwhelmed by just how popular I am. And for those of you who have yet to send a card its not too late to rush out and buy one now!

Denise is taking me to the theatre tonight to see something (I forget what) by what's-his-name (I forget who) and its going to be fab. I'll let you have my review later tonight or tomorrow.

Incidentally, I discovered from the cancer research UK website that mouth cancer is more common than either cervical or testicular cancer (about 4400 new cases every year). If you detect it early, survival rates are over 90% with little effect on appearance, eating or speech. The warning signs are -

* an ulcer or sore in your mouth
* a red or white patch in your mouth
* an unexplained pain in your mouth or ear
* an unexplained lump in your neck
* a sore or painful throat
* a croaky voice or difficulty swallowing

I had some of these symptoms for a long time before I contacted my doctor so don't make my mistake. If you have any of the above contact your doctor straight away. J x

Another You Tube Funny

Try watching the video entitled "completely uncalled for". Its very funny but don't try it at home as you may get into trouble!

Not much news. Still sipping but progress isn't as rapid as I'd like. Need to see Frances to discuss which means trying to get hold of Caroline who, I think, is back from another holiday today. Birthday tomorrow. 45. Should be depressed at this prospect but instead feel lucky to have reached it. J x

A Good Way To Go

It was a nice retirement do. Everyone, especially Bob, was suitably emotional. The speeches were good and not overlong. Went to the pub afterwards and actually had a glass of water (although didn't manage to finish it!). Didn't stay too long as everyone was tucking into the free buffet and I so wanted to join them...

Not much else to report from today other than that I had a firm BM today. Probably the firmest since my stay in hospital. I know how you people like to keep up to date with these things. Goodnight Manchester. J x

Another Quiet Day

Gordon & Lizzie came to see me yesterday with their tales of far flung adventures in 15 different countries (if you count Hong Kong) over the last 6 months. And it sounds as though Lizzie may have been doing more flinging than Gordon (which, if you know them, is a turn up for the books!).

Mrs T coming to see me tonight and she has been doing some travelling in far distant counties too. I look forward to hearing all her news as well.

Big day tomorrow - my boss, the inestimable Mr D, retires. What is to become of us? It'll be a sad day for many people I know that. I just hope he's doing the right thing.... I'd like to (publicly) thank him for all he's done for me over the past 4 years and to wish him all the best for the future. He better stay in touch though since I can no longer get through a week without an anecdote or 6! J x

Hey Everyone, A Picture!

Just to prove that you can fit a drag queen in a JCB... J x

No Rain on the Parade

Well they were all there. The bars and the clubs with lorry loads of young skinny dancers in skimpy shorts. The bears' lorry with over-large men in tight T-Shirts and wedding dresses (wedding dresses could have been a theme this year) dancing to the high energy hits of yester year. We had the police and the fire and ambulance services. More nurses than you could shake a catheter at and, of course, the drag queens. What would Pride be without drag queens? We had one sitting in the bucket of a JCB. We had drag queens on stilts, drag queens in wedding dresses (natch), we had The Queen in a roller (like that's never been done before) and, hurrah, we had the Salford Ladies Temperance Union Society. What a sight they were in their twin sets and pearls carrying banners reading "sodomy stinks" and "rings were made for fingers". And what useful placards too as they doubled up as weapons for hitting people who didn't come up to their exacting standards (mainly bar and club boys in skimpy shorts). The Selfridges lorry was stunning, the Prairie Dogs line dancers were all in time and some Hippy McHippy with rainbow dreadlocks was trying to charge everyone £4.99 for a very very small rainbow flag.

I got quite emotional this year (and who wouldn't faced with all the above) remembering Prides past in Manchester, London and, best of all, Brighton. How many Prides do we all have left (see earlier debate)? And will they ever change? I hope not. Oh for those sweaty afternoons in the cabaret tent laughing with (at) the "acts". Figster will know where I'm coming from on this. And to make it all worse, the headliner this year in Manchester is Mark Almond. My back can't take any more standing around though and without alcohol it'll just sound like he's singing out of tune.... Happy Pride everyone. J x

Finally

I have an appointment to see the physios. Hurrah. Not till 26 September though but at least its a start. Thanks go out to the nurses at Christies who made this possible.

Sarah H came to stay last night and it was great to see her. She had a bit of a nightmare journey up here and as I can't drink we stayed in last night and watched Chinatown - I fell asleep in the middle of it. Bit of a pants film really although I hadn't expected the ending. Went for a lovely walk this morning along the canal banks in the lovely sunshine and she's just left to go back to London.

Have started sipping water as instructed by young Sean. Its not pleasant but its got to be done... J x

Hospital Visit

Just back from Christies where Sean professed himself satisfied with my progress so far. The nurses at Christies will also chase up the physios for me (that's now 3 lots of people trying to get me an appointment!). They're also going to try some special dressings on my scars because they're "hyertropic" (I think). Essentially, they're a bit red and raised. They don't know whether these dressings will work or not but at the end of the day it doesn't matter too much I don't think. I wasn't particularly pretty to look at before the surgery and I'm not particularly pretty to look at after the surgery either (feel free to contradict me to your heart's content on this point). Sean didn't appear to know of the Gerson diet (but then he's not the cancer specialist) but suggested I just eat a "balanced diet". I'll try and nab one of the cancer specialists at my next visit (October) to see what they think.

Sean also wants me to start drinking followed by soups even though they taste awful. Oh well, I suppose I can do that. Here's hoping my tastebuds don't take too long to recover.... J x

Roger, You're Right

You are human and you are lovely. And Jane, thanks for the translation coz otherwise I'd have had to ask. Feeling much better today. I don't know whether its the drugs or the prayers but I'll take whatever makes me feel better.

Just watched Angela's Dying Wish on Channel 4. Its about a woman with terminal breast cancer. It was very moving. It struck me though that no-one (apologies to the religious types) really knows how to talk about death. We don't seem to have the vocabulary. Which is strange because death is something that we all live with from the moment we're born. So why can't we talk about it? Discuss. j x

Was Sick This Morning

No idea why. So I'm back on the anti-sickness drugs (which I gave up about 3 days ago). Why is this happening? Seeing the doctors at Christies on Thursday so perhaps I'll have some answers then. Am fairly depressed by the situation as it seems that I am not getting any better. J x

Just Had To Tell You

Log on to youtube.com and find the video titled "OK Go - Here It Goes Again". It is the most fantastic thing you'll ever see. J x

Nothing to Report

Went to Sainsburys and bought bleach (all those BMs). Looked up recipes in the vegetarian cookbooks I own. Discussed colonic irrigation with my mother (who disapproves). And that's it. J x

A Couple of Quotes

"The Gerson diet is a very strict low salt, organic fruit and vegetable diet. Each person must drink 20 pounds (about 9 kilos) of crushed fruit and vegetables each day. Gerson therapists believe that people with cancer have too much salt in their bodies compared to the amount of potassium they have. They think that eating large quantities of fruit and vegetables will correct this imbalance and cleanse the liver. The idea is that the liver would then start to clear the body of cancer cells. It would be nice if the liver could filter out cancer cells from the body. If it did, this would certainly be an avenue of conventional cancer research. Unfortunately, it doesn't."

"Coffee enemas have been known to cause some serious side effects. They include
Infections
Constipation
Inflammation of the bowel
Salt and other mineral imbalances in the body and
Death caused by these problems"

These quotes are from the website of cancerhelp.org and there's no arguing with the quotes... J x

Colonic Irrigation

There. I've said it. And having said it I want to let you know I'm considering it. Let me explain why.

At the risk of unleashing Holy War II I'm going to refer again to the book that Denise loaned me. Despite the "miracle" in Chapter 1 of the author surviving her extreme chemotherapy I thought I'd finish the book whilst I was in Swansea. It turns out that little of the rest of the book deals with religious matters. Rather it deals with the controversial Gerson diet. The chap who invented this claims it can cure cancer as does the author (and as does Prince Charles apparently). To follow this diet one has to first detoxify one's system. One does this by ingesting nothing but fruit and vegetable juices for 3 weeks whilst giving oneself coffee enemas (I kid you not). Now I know that I'm missing coffee whilst I can't swallow but even I am not desperate enough for a caffeine rush to pour the stuff up my arse!

Anyway, anyway. After these first three weeks one follws essentially a vegan diet whilst ingesting truly vast quantities of vitamins intravenously. Needless to say the British medical establishment is less than impressed. So I don't think we'll be doing that. However, reading the book did make me think. I don't suppose that anyone is going to harm themselves by following a diet that minimises animal fats (i.e. meat and dairy products) nor is anyone going to harm themselves by ensuring they have a clean colon so that one's body is able to absorb all the required nutrients from one's diet. So that's what I'm going to attempt to do but not in any killjoy way. I've no doubt that I'll still consume some meat, cheese and milk but I'm going to try and cut down. And I'll also have the occasional colonic irrigation (always assuming the experience isn't too unpleasant). I'll let you know how I get on once I've checked with Caroline that it's all OK. If anyone has any particularly delicious vegetarian recipes then I'd be delighted if you'd let me have them (either on here so that everyone can try them or in the post or whatever).

Fianlly, I'm feeling fabulous today. J x

Anxiety 2, Depression 3

Not quite "Dance 10, looks 3" but it does have a certain ring to it (a little Chorus Line quote there especially for Figgles who loves it so. In fact he loves it so much he'll be over the moon to hear that a new Broadway production is opening in October). The score at the head of this post however refers to my actual levels of anxiety and depression as measured by Sister Donna at my ICU follow up appointment this morning. Considering that the relevant scores were 12 and 15 3 weeks after I left ICU I'm sure you'll all agree that there's been a vast improvement. We like Sister Donna because she's also promised to refer me to the ICU physios for whom the waiting time is measured in weeks rather than months (if you're reading this Caroline, how's that coming? The ICU physios are in addition to, rather than instead of, any other physiotherapy referrals).

For those among us who remember Peter Frost, I hear that he has been lured away by those people with suitcases full of money at Ernst & Young. I pass no judgements here (although I had plenty to say by text message, rest assured).

And finally, Karen - have you got that address for me yet? J x

Back Where The Whippets Roam Free

Yes, I survived the arduous journey North and am now safely ensconced in the apartment. May I take this opportunity to thank the Aged Ps for their hospitality and generally for looking after me and cossetting me.

Some plants appear dead whilst others, I think, are just resting. I'll let you know of any miraculous recoveries in the next few days. Not much to report as have only just got back but I am informed by my buddy Figster that we'll be going to see Wicked in October. V excited. Also v excited about seeing Evita in September and whatever it was I asked Denise to get tickets for that we're going to see on my birthday.

Manchester Pride is fast approaching and have decided that I will go along to see the parade but won't actually be attending the enclosure since unable to consume vast amounts of alcohol (which is pretty much the point of attending the enclosure).

Will post tomorrow following my hospital appointment (but don't get too excited as its just an Intensive Care follow-up appointment). J x

Darts?

What a wonderful idea. I should warn anyone picking me for their team (yes, I know I'll be the last one - always the skinny kid that was picked last at school, that's me) that I was once beaten in a darts match by someone who was registered blind. I'm just saying...

2 more days and I'll be at home looking at all my dead unwatered plants (oh why didn't I take Denise up on her offer to water them? What madness was it that made me think: "This is Manchester, it always rains"?). Its been nice to be at home though (if exhausting - mother had a full social calendar mapped out for me!) and I think this is probably the longest I've stayed at home since I actually left home all those decades ago.

At MRI on Thursday but its a routine follow up appointment so nothing to get excited about. And that's about all the news for now. I'll post when I'm back to let you all know that I made it safe and sound. J x

Connection Problems

Whilst I am able to access this lovely blog from Swansea I cannot (for some reason, maybe something to do with the fact that Windows 2000 is now 6 years out of date?)access my e-mails. If you have anything urgent to communicate with me you'll either have to do it publicly in this forum or privately by text message (078333 90996).

Fairly quiet day today although did make trip to the solicitors to sort out my will. Also found out whilst I was in town that the first house I ever owned (bought for £15,000 in 1983) is back on the market for £175,000. If only I hadn't sold.... J x

Swansea Calling

Made it home safe & sound. Drove all the way and it took 3 and three quarter hours - a record. But then of course the Aged Ps did point out that I was speeding all the way. I blame the drugs. Suffered for it the rest of yesterday as I was completely knackered and my back gave me a bit of gyp (first time I've ever used that as a written word, I wonder what the provenance is - probably best not to ask!). Went to town this morning to stock up on some essentials I'd forgotten to bring and ran into someone with whom I used to work in the post office forever ago. She'd hardly changed at all - needless to say she didn't recognise me. Taking it easy this afternoon (cricket on the telly...) and off to a botanical garden tomorrow morning. Will post again soon now that I've mastered dial up internet access! J x

P.S. While I remember -

1. Sarah W - sorry, I know I forgot to send you a birthday card (happy birthday for the 5th) and I haven't got my address book so I'll send you a v v belated one upon my return to Manchester.

2. Kathryn and Andrew - have forgotten my address/phone book (see above) and so I can't ring you to get together. Not sure if you have the Aged P phone number (01792 299104) so please phone and we'll sort something out. Hilary is coming round Thursday night (and your parents are to be invited I believe) but if that's not convenient just give me a bell. It would be great to see you.

3. Everyone else. I love you dearly.

All Packed

The drugs need a bigger bag than the clothes (but that's because I only wear "skinny fit" these days...)! See you all when I get back. J x

Bon Voyage

Aged Ps have arrived safely. We're all off to Wales tomorrow so I don't know how much opportunity I'll have for posting on here over the next week or so. Hopefully I'll be able to post some comments from my dad's computer but, if not, I'll be back in Manchester on the 16th as I have an appointemnt at MRI on the 17th (its just a follow up check after my time on the ICU). Aged Ps are currently in Livebait while I'm off to watch that Andrew Lloyd Weber thing (I'm so gay....). J x

Donnie Darko

Blimey! Any ideas? J x

Here's A Thought

Denise has loaned me a book written by a woman who survived cancer "against all the odds" and the book is about her fight. Having read the first couple of chapters and not yet having got into all the vitamin regimes etc it appears that she owes her survival principally to "the power of prayer". On these grounds alone there seems little point in me reading on but a question occurred to me. A lot of people who have talked to me or contributed to the blog or sent cards (including one ordained minister - thank you again Roger) have told me that I will be included in their prayers. If I personally don't believe in a God are all those prayers wasted? Is God likley to want to save an unbeliever? Discuss. J x

What A Busy Day

Had to go to the GP this morning to get prescription for drugs to take home to Swansea next week. When I got to the chemist I discovered he'd only prescribed me 3 days of anti-sickness drugs which is, of course, not enough so I have to go back again tomorrow. Met DD for lunch at Love Saves The Day. She had a roll and coffee and I had a sniff. The aromas were wonderful. Can't wait until I'm eating again. I bet all that weight is going to go straight back on.

Then called round to Gill's this evening to see her new garden (fantastic) and her new carpets (living room is huge). Ended up helping put together her new garden table (which is only fair as she helped me put mine together). Its dead swanky with a black glass top.

Phew. Knackered (even though I also slept for 3 hours this afternoon).

Also spent today (and yesterday) mourning the loss of Mrs T who will be departing HMRC shores for pastures new at the end of September. Boo hoo. What will I do without her? Who will have lunch with me now? She promises to stay in touch but you know what its like: out of sight..... J x

Just Watched...

... King of Comedy. What a superb film. Robert de Niro is incredible (and Sandra Bernhard is type cast as a mad singing crazy woman). Does anyone know whether or not de Niro got an oscar for the role? J x

Skinnny Bitch

The nutritionist has just been to see me and expressed concern at all the weight I've lost (over 5 stone now). However, I'm hardly thin and I don't look in the least malnourished. After some tough negotiations she agreed that I could go down to 14 stone (which will be 6 stone lost) before she'd call the diet police. I can't remember the last time I was 14 stone (I think I might have been about 8 years old) and since all my clothes now fit me I don't think that I would like to go lower than this.

A lot of my weight loss of course occurred whilst I was in hospital for 3 weeks doing nothing and so consists of lost muscle rather than fat. I now have to try and rebuild the muscle I lost which hopefully should lead to a rebalancing of my body. Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen me recently I'm hoping to attend the drinks part of Bob's do on Friday with Denise so you can judge for yourselves.

Spent all yesterday doing nothing and certainly feel the benefit of that today. I predict it will be a good day today despite the rain. J x

Damp

Typical, its been hot and sunny for weeks and then as soon as we got to Tatton it started raining. Actually, it didn't start as soon as we got there it at least waited until everyone (apart from me) had eaten. It was good just to see and smell all that lovely food though (you have no idea how much Jane spends on bread). Food for me is the new porn. I read magazines, watch TV shows and smell it every opportunity I get. Unfortunately, I just can't eat it. I tried a spoonfull of yoghurt on Friday and it was like trying to swallow broken glass.

The concert and the fireworks were fabulous (rain notwithstanding) unfortunately the journey home was anything but. It took us an hour to get out of Tatton and then a further hour just to get to Manchester i.e. 2 hours for a journey that should have taken 20 minutes. I was in such pain with my back by the time I got home. Bill does have a lovely new car though which made the journey more bearable. Having a rest day today i.e. not going anywhere although I believe that Denise will be calling round tonight. J x

Rain Rain Go Away

Another bright and sunny day here oop North. However, having decided to brave the Tatton Park concert tomorrow, the forecast is for rain. Bloody typical. Would not normally attempt such a night out but Jane (gawd bless 'er) has said that she'll bring me home early if needs be. Hurrah for Jane (and Bill of course).

Not felt as good today as I did yesterday. Not sure why. Nothing to do with my visitor though because it was really good to see Jim who I haven't seen for a while. J x

Party Pooper

Have decided to cancel my birthday party this year. I've no idea how I'm going to feel and in any case its unlikley that I'll be up to enjoying it fully. Sorry for the disappointment I know you'll all be feeling! I'll be back next year though...

Had an OK day today. Went for a walk this morning and got wiped out by it (again). I don't know whether its me or the heat. Probably a combination of the two. Nothing else to add at this time. Sorry. J x

Goatee Beard

Yes, I am trying one on for size. The radiotherapy means that the "goatee area" is the only place where facial hair is growing at the moment. I don't know whether this change is permanent or not. Plus it hides some of the scarring. Having said that the facial scars are not looking too bad and seem to be fading quite nicely. My arm, chest and stomach scars however are still blatantly obvious. My facial swelling (for those who haven't seen me recently/at all) has also gone down a lot. I now look like a long lost cousin of the elephant man rather than the elephant man himself.... J x

P.S. Yes, I'm not proud, I admit this is an outrageous attempt at getting everyone who has seen me to steam in and say how gorgeous I am etc etc

50 Films

I watched "50 films to see before you die" on Channel 4 last night and was rather disturbed to realise that there were a lot that I hadn't seen. For those of you that didn't watch I have reproduced the list below. Those with an asterix are those that I have seen. If you have any of the unstarred films on video or DVD then could I borrow them please? I'd also be interested to know what other people's count is of the number they have seen. I'm guessing but I suspect Jane and Bill will win this particular competition but lets wait and see....

50 Badlands
49 Secrets & Lies
48 Agurre: the Wrath of God
47 Brazil *
46 This Sporting Life
45 Cabaret *
44 Raising Arizona
43 Princess Mononoke
42 Dawn of the Dead
41 Manhunter
40 The King of Comedy
39 The Ipcress File
38 Mulholland Drive
37 The Searchers
36 Fight Club *
35 The Ladykillers
34 The Royal Tenebaums
33 Three Colours Blue
32 Terminator 2 *
31 Scarface
30 All About Eve *
29 Pink Flamingos *
28 Fanny & Alexander
27 The Breakfast Club *
26 Hero
25 Trainspotting *
24 Erin Brockovich *
23 A Night at the Opera
22 Heavenly Creatures
21 Come and See
20 The Player
19 Boyz n the Hood
18 Black Narcissus
17 Walkabout
16 Touch of Evil
15 Pulp Fiction
14 Lagan: Once Upon a Time in India
13 The Shawshank Redemption *
12 Lost in Translation
11 Alien *
10 Manhattan
9 Donnie Darko
8 A Bout de Souffle
7 North by Northwest *
6 2001: A Space Odyssey *
5 Sexy Beast *
4 Chinatown
3 City of God
2 The Apartment
1 Apocalypse Now

Look forward to hearing your scores. J x

Uneventful

This is good news if a little boring. Saw DD last night which, of course, wasn't boring at all. Nothing more to add really. Sorry. J x

Empty Nest

Now I know what its like when the kids grow up and leave home. Only in this case its my parents that have left. What is one supposed to do with oneself? There's no-one to clean up after, no fights to sort out, no tears before bedtime...

Good feeling today in that I feel like I've turned a corner in the past couple of days. Since the beginning of the week I've been feeling a little better each day and let me tell you that's a good way to feel. Still got problems with my throat (and that damn phlegm) but the skin on my neck has cleared up and my ears are on their way (although still bleeding a little at night). The throat is the main thing now since once that has cleared up I can start looking at getting back to eating and drinking normally and once I'm doing that the sky's the limit. I understand that I need to be back in work (Beryl's deadline notwithstanding) by April 2007 as that is when we enter the brave new compliance world. Can't wait... J x

Actually...

...it might have been called a "yanker" rather than a "jerker". I can't remember now. I was on too many drugs. This must be what it is like to have lived through the sixties... J x

Swallow or Spit?

I did have a sucking machine whilst I was in hospital (see comment by the wench). Strangely enough, the attachment that you put in your mouth to clear the phlegm was called a "jerker" so even more oo er missus potential! Anyway, things seem to be improving so I don't think we need to go down the road of obtaining machinery although it was a good suggestion. I also gargle with salt water which helps dislodge the thick and gooey bits whilst also keeping my mouth pristine and hygienically clean.

Just watched Now Voyager and so wanted to leave you with these quotes -

"Copacabana. There's music in that word"

"Dora, I suspect you're a treasure"

"Jerry, don't lets ask for the moon. We have the stars"

That's all for today folks. J x

Lost

Ooooooh. Devious Charlie. I never saw that coming.... J x

I've Come Over All Bjork

Its oh so quiet (no-one asking me what the answer to 2 down is), its oh so still (no-one bustling around because he can't sit still for 3 minutes)... yes, I've packed the Aged Ps onto the Heatwave Express and sent them back to Wales. The rest should do them good provided they don't melt before they get there. Gone they may be, but not forgotten as large portions of their wardrobe remain here (they shopped so hard in Manchester that not everything would fit into their cases for the journey home!). I'm missing them of course but they need some time to themselves and not running around after me. I'm a big boy now. And NO MORE SPORT!!!!

Still not able to speak for any length of time (oh that phlegm gets everywhere) and so receiving visitors is difficult. Hopefully I'm on an upward track now (the skin on my face and neck seems to be healing nicely and hopefully the lining of my throat is progressing similarly well) so it shouldn't be too long before I can see you all again. The idea is that I won't go home now until mid-August so plenty of time. No idea about returning to work though. I imagine I'll have to be off the tube feeding before anyone is ready to recommend I go back. I'll discuss with Caroline (my cancer nurse, unfortunately on holiday again from the end of this week) and the consultants (not seeing them now until 24 August) and, of course, Bob (although he leaves the end of next month too). God, I won't have anyone to talk to!

Anyway, having an OK day today and that's all I can ask for. J x

I Heart My GP

Saw my GP this morning and he's prescribed me gallons and galloons of drugs so I'm a happy bunny. Such a happy bunny in fact that I'm packing the Aged Ps on the train home tomorrow and going it alone. I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing them bon voyage.

God its hot though. J x

P.S. Officially lost four and a half stone now. Confidently expect to reach the 5 mark by the time I'm on solids again.

Bless Kylie

Ditto to everything she said. Especially the bit about wearing lots of diamonds... J x

What A Difference A Drug Makes

Got hold of some more anti-sickness drugs and, guess what? I stopped being sick. Genius! Unfortunately, my stubborness (double "n"?), meant that it was 2200 before I conceded that I needed more anti-sickness drugs which meant that my parents ended up walking to a chemists on Oxford Street at 2300 on a Saturday night to pick them up for me. Thank God they survived this ordeal and as a result I'm feeling much better now. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them.

Due to dearth of anything good to watch on TV on a Saturday night we ended up watching The African Queen and Rear Window DVDs. What fab films they both are. Anyway, its 1100 on Sunday morning so I'm off for a shower and the Aged Ps are off to watch Country File. J x P.S. Welcome back Jane & Bill, we missed you too.

Sick Of Being Sick

Been sick twice already this morning. Not known whether cause was imminent departure of Aged Ps (no longer going) or the visit of the stalwarts last night. Anyway, I'm fed up of it. My treatment has finished and I'm supposed to be feeling better. Only I don't. I hate this. J x

BMs A Go-Go

Couldn't keep me off the toilet yesterday evening! Feeling a little better today than I did yesterday. Not going home this weekend though. Aged Ps are catching the train tomorrow morning. Also not up to baking a cake so the stalwarts will have to make do with shop-bought tonight. I wonder if they'll be able to tell the difference? J x

Yeuch

Not been a good day today. A lot of back pain and feeling sick this afternoon (although haven't actually been sick). May delay going home this weekend as the journey may be a bit too ambitious at this stage. Won't take a final decision until Saturday though. Its likely that the Aged Ps will go anyway as, apart from the wonderful support they've given me - and continue to give me, there's little practical stuff that they can do for me now. Sorry for sounding so despondent. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow. J x

Roger My Boy

You're a hit! Seems everyone on the blog likes you. How very different from real life....

I have to say though that I am one of your fans and I was very touched to receive your card and, now, your contribution to the blog - even though I cannot understand half of it because as you very well know I CAN'T SPEAK WELSH. Glad to hear that things are working out for you what with the ordination and everything. I forgot to ask Karen though, does this mean you've given up HMRC? Of course you won't have given up sermonising no matter what walk of life you are now engaged in! Are you still in Portsmouth? And why does Karen refer to you being on the "dark side"? These and many other questions to be answered (hopefully) in the next posting from Revrs. J x

What Happens Now?

Was sick this morning. Unpleasant but not really news. Have been OK for the rest of the day though. Also had a BM this afternoon which was encouraging. Did some ironing. Had a sleep.

Aged Ps off to Dunham Massey tomorrow. And that's about all the news from today. Sorry to be so boring but, from a personal point of view, boring is good! J x

All Over Now

At least Wimbledon and the football are. The cancer goes on. True, the treatment has finished for now. The side-effects from the treatment can however intensify over the next week or so. So that's something to look forward to! And once the side-effects start subsiding I then have to think about whether the cancer will spread or not. All cheerful stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyway, today is a day for celebration becuase one stage, at least, of my journey is over. None of us know, least of all me or the doctors, how long this journey may last. But I'll be glad if you stick with me for the rest of it - wherever it leads. In the meantime, life goes on. I'm off to Swansea on Saturday for a week and then back to Manchester. Hopefully by that time I'll be up to having visitors although I am, of course, receiving the stalwarts on Friday for a special cake visit (God help them). I'm also hoping to be well enough to go to the Tatton Park picnic concert at the end of July. The flower show is a definite no-no though. J x

Choked

Guys, how can I ever thank you enough? I'm overwhelmed by your gift. I promise not to spend it wisely. In fact I shall probably blow the whole amount on one of those gorgeous to look at but ridiculously expensive garden books. Or maybe something on fashion with lots of pretty frocks/boys/boys in frocks in it. Or what about a master class in how to bake lemon slices cook book? There must also be a few Terry Pratchett's I need to catch up on. And the odd Stephen Donaldson. Oooooh. I don't know where to start but trust me when I say I'm looking forward to many a happy browsing hour in Waterstones. Once again, thank you so much. A person couldn't ask for a nicer bunch of friends. J x

1...

Just back from Christies. Apparently there's no champagne reception or anything at the hospital to mark the end of this stage of my treatment. Don't they know who I am?

Appear to have reached the plateau of uckiness in that I have a mouthful of mucus that is too disgusting to leave there but too painful to expel. Whither the mucus therefore? Answers on a postcard to...

Am going to bake a cake next week to cheer myself up even if it doesn't cheer up anyone who has to eat it. J x

2...

Sorry this is so late. Have felt a bit out of sorts today (alongside all the usual aches, pains and soreness). Not sure why. Looking forward to starting to recover from the treatment though. Don't know how long that will take. Have decided to go home to Swansea with my parents from the 15th until the 22nd July. I'll come back on my own then. And then I can start thinking about a return to work. Hurrah, I hear you all chorus! Well don't get your hopes up yet, we'll have to see how my recovery goes. I suspect the tiredness will be a major obstacle - I seem to have 2 naps a day now on top of my night time sleep. Also, painkillers and feeding. Is the revenue ready to watch me pumping stuff directly into my stomach through a tube? And there's also the question of a desk. I hear on the grapevine that mine has been given away. How quickly you all forget... J x

3...

Not long now. Had another OK day yesterday and not too bad so far today although my mouth is really really sore and I appear not to have hit any plateaus (plateaux?) just yet. Will probably go home to Swansea for a week or so early to mid July for a bit of R & R (although to be honest, with my parents here, every day is R & R for me). I'll then come back in time for the Halle at Tatton. No idea if I'll be picnicing by then but its worth going just for the music and the fireworks. Maybe I'll manage a little gazpacho. And coffee. God I miss coffee. I make my dad have a cup of coffee every morning just so I can smell it.

Alll the above is dependent on hospital visits etc. I know that Christies won't want to see me for 6 weeks following my treatment but YS and Caroline have yet to make their intentions clear. I'll let you know as soon as I know. J x

4...

OK day yesterday although had a crap night last night. Probably due to the heat though rather than the treatment. Everything is getting very sore though. Even my tongue is sore. Might have to start upping the morphine from the current 4 times a day.

Went to John Lewis after the session this morning and we bought my Mum a skirt, my dad a wallet, me a shirt (no, I don't have enough) and a box of assorted shortbread for the radiographers. All in all a successful shopping trip although it left me exhausted and I had to sleep for 3 hours afterwards. J x

Altogether Now... 5...

Saw the consultant this morning as he was a bit concerned last Thursday to learn that the phlegm I've been bringing up was green. Was able to reassure him that we are back to a nice primrose yellow now. He said that given that I was having 6 weeks treatment rather than 4 that I might find that the side-effects would "plateau" around now. That would be nice. We'll see. Tennis this afternoon. Not attractive though poor Andy Murray... J x

Praise The Lord...

... and pass the toilet paper! J x

Well At Least The Football's Over

I can't believe we missed 3 out of 4 penalties. Still I don't suppose you can blame the team. Its not like they're professionals or anything....

Daleks and cybermen. Who saw that coming eh? Still nice to see that Mickey has obviously been attending a gym in the other dimension and has access to good skin care. Not that any of that would make him gay or anything....

Thanks to my sponsors, the Wellcome Foundation and various other drugs conglomerates, I've had a not too bad day again today. Can't remember when I last had a bowel movement though. But that's the morphine. Have now lost 4 stone since the start of this all. Am fairly sure that I will lose another stone as soon as I have my next bowel movement...

Nothing else to report although I believe the tennis might be quite exciting at the moment too. J x

Another Not Bad Day...

....in the scheme of things. Throat still incredibly sore and mouth full of mucus but it could be worse. Morphine and metochlopromide and paracetomol and movicol and brufen all help.

Good news for my Team Leader today. He's got early retirement which he's pleased about. I, for one, will miss him though as he's the best boss I think I've had in the Revenue. Sad news for Soozie as she didn't get early retirement but that's because she's just too damn young and vibrant and with so much still to offer. Am secretly (although not so secretly now) pleased that Soozie is staying on since her plan, once she retires, is to move even further North (is that possible I hear the Southerners among you gasp) and then we'd lose touch and end up hating each other. Or something like that anyway. I'm just glad she and Kev are still going to be around for a while as I've come to rely on them a lot (I know, selfish reasons). Cancer makes you thin and selfish!

Football and tennis are endless. Aged P's off to Choice tonight for a meal so I'm all alone. Boo hoo. Don't phone though as I can't speak. J x

Relatively Speaking...

... today has been OK. Only 7 more sessions to go. Saw the consultant this afternoon and he's happy with my progress under the treatment (not that they can tell anything yet but the side effects are only the ones they were expecting). My ears are bleeding but apparently that's not unusual either. My sore throat makes it really difficult for me to talk so if you telephone its likely to be a short conversation. I'm also not up to having visitors at the moment. Getting to watch lots of Wimbledon now (thanks Mum) as well as lots of football (thanks Dad) but hey, look on the bright side, no-one's mentioned snooker for ages. Just taken half a dozen drugs so it must be time for bed (except that I sleep a lot of the day too anyway) so I'll say goodnight all and talk tomorrow. J x

Morphine Helps

But rather bizarrely it helps with the sickness as much as with the pain. Trouble is it makes you feel exhausted and also constipates you. So I now need to take laxatives as well on top of everything else. I'm keeping a running list of all the drugs I take and when so that I don't overdose. I'll let you know tomorrow how many I'm on. Off to bed (again) now. J x

Feel Dreadful

Not a lot to add to that. Sorry. J x

And Then It All Went Horribly Wrong

Enjoyed the Bridgewater but paid for it today. Been sick twice and throat is raw. Virtually unable to speak due to pain and even trying to swallow morphine hurts! Also very tired now and have slept/dozed a lot of today. We'll see how the night goes. Hopefully I may feel a little better tomorrow.

On the bright side, I am now two thirds of the way through my treatment and I won't be having any more chemotherapy. My radiotherapy regime changes from tomorrow as well since they'll be using "electrons" rather than radiation (apparently we can't irradiate my spine any more). This means longer in that bloody mask. Oh joy. 10 sessions to go though. Just 10.... J x

Dr Who

Pants. That's all I'm going to say on the subject. Apart from, whose bloody idea was it to bring the cybermen back? They were crap at the start of the series. But if they're back then perhaps (gay?) Mickey is back too? We'll see. J x

DD's Back

And looking hale and hearty too. She regaled us with lots of stories of Italy, how awful the wine was and showed us lots of photos of sky. She isn't coming to Bridgewater tomorrow on account of having to watch the football and get drunk on lots of (English?) wine. Mr & Mrs T will be there though. Its Mozart's Clarinet Concerto and Beethoven's Eroica symphony. I've no idea what what either of them sound like but I'm sure I'll recognise them from the adverts once they get going. I'll let you know (of course) how it all went tomorrow. Night. J x

Once More A Porker

Put on 3lbs yesterday. How did that happen? I've only upped my nutritional supplements by one delicious yummy vanilla flavoured vitiman and mineral packed carton a day. I think they're made by the same people who make Slimfast and its their way of ensuring that people who lose weight in hospital go straight back on a diet as soon as they're well. At least that's my theory. Allegedly (in case any Slimfast lawyers are reading this).

Wanted to be sick this morning. Tried to be sick this morning. Couldn't do it. Presumably the anti-sickness medicine is working therefore. It did mean though that I missed out on that post-sickness feeling of wellbeing one gets. Difficult to please? Moi? Anyway, anti-sickness medicine goes down today from 5 to 3 doses so the nausea may yet arrive.

No plans for today although thinking of the Bridgewater Hall tomorrow evening (vomit permitting). May post later if anything thrilling happens. Like Dr Who. I thought last week's was the best of the whole series so far. J x

Chemo Side Effects Kick In

Only this time its random hiccupping rather than random vomitting. On the whole I prefer the hiccups! No more radiotherapy for 2 days. Hurrah. And after Monday I will be two thirds through the treatment. Double hurrah. Throat getting really rather sore now. Boo. Saliva situation unchanged. Hurrah. Mucus situation worse. Boo. Ups and downs at the moment friends. Just like life eh? And at least it is life at the moment for me. Treble hurrahs and hurrahs all round. Night night. J x

Honestly, The Fuss You Lot Make

Chemo was a breeze. Wasn't sick (nor did I feel sick) once. In fact, feeling better today than I have for the last couple of days. Assuming things carry on like this I am now open for visits.

Had a visit from Caroline and YS and Frances this morning. It was great to see them all and they really cheered me up. The visits were as much social as medical since there was nothing really wrong with me. Do you think they all think I'm a drama queen? How little they know me....

But despite all the euphoria over my physical condition I am in excruciating pain mentally since I am wracked with guilt on account of having forgotten Mrs T's birthday. How could such a thing have happened? Obviously I hadn't forgotten that she had a birthday since, despite appearances to the contrary, she is mortal. I also hadn't forgotten that it was imminent since she had gone to the trouble of printing out my works diary and highlighting the date on it for me. Its just that I'd forgotten it was yesterday. Goddess that she is, she has forgiven me though (to err is human - me, to forgive divine - her: and I'm not talking about the 30 stone drag queen either who is now dead anyway leaving a gap in the market that could have been filled by me had I not lost all this weight - 3 and a half stone).

See you all soon J x

P.S. I had asked Mrs T to print the diary thing. She didn't do it off her own bat so that I would buy her something. Honest. No, really. Oh please yourselves, you lot would think the worst of anyone...

Last Post

See you on the other side. J xxxxx

Rough as...

...anything. Having spent the past week with people telling me how well I look I now feel like crap. Unfortunately, my near perfect genes mean that I still look gorgeous. Isn't life unfair?

Threw up last night and again this morning and now have (even) more drugs from Christies. Honestly my kitchen wouldn't look out of place in Columbia. Christies also told me I'm too thin. Actually, they didn't tell me that. No-one has ever told me that. They did say however that they would prefer me to stop losing weight otherwise my mask won't fit properly and they'll end up treating the wrong bits. Now having to "eat" more. Never thought anyone would tell me that either (apart from my Mum and that incident involved a piece of beef but I don't think we need to dwell on that episode).

Have had to cancel all visitors for the forseeable. Sorry. Will let you now when next I'm "at home". Mr Lewis regrets that he's unable to lunch today, Madam.

Congrats to Mr H, by the way.on his honour. Does this make Margaret a Dame? TTFN. J x

Half Way

Which should be a cause for celebration only I don't much feel like celebrating. Feeling a bit rough and tired today and not looking forward to Wednesday.

My angel called tonight and brought me an angel which was a lovely gift, particularly since its a "Good Health" angel. Together with my Spanish sheep I'm now half way to a nativity scene. Just need a Mary and, of course, the baby Jesus. Three wise queens wouldn't go amiss either. Or a stable. And a star. And some shepherds. But apart from all those I'm half way to a nativity scene and half way through my treatment. Coincidence? I don't think so.... J x

Just Watched...

...the fireworks at the end of the Take That concert in the City of Manchester stadium. They were spectacular (as I'm sure the concert was too).

Lemon slices were a disaster. there seemed to be a misunderstanding between me and the cookbook as to what constituted "light and fluffy". Suffice to say, whatever the phrase means it was not embodied in my lemon slices. Never mind, if at first you don't succeed... buy them from the shop!

Have to stop the ibuprofen tonight in readiness for my chemotherapy on Wednesday. I therefore have 6 days of pain and throwing up to look forward to. Not nice. Like my lemon slices. Am fairly sure that the next few days worth of posts will make for depressing reading. You may therefore want to take a short break from the blog and catch up with me again on, say, next Saturday when I should be my cheery self again. J x

Garden Centres Galore

Went to Willowpool and that other one this morning. Bought 4 plants. Nowt else to report. J x

Another Good Day

Bought a tree this morning (just a small one, prunus cestina since you ask). Had radiotherapy this afternoon followed by the reaction clinic. Dr Slevin (consultant) happy with the progress of the treatment from the point of view of my reaction to it. My reaction is "1" on the scale of 1 to 4 i.e. quite a mild reaction at the moment. He's also not worried about the copious amounts of mucus I am producing which he sees as quite normal. God its disgusting though. I hope and pray it won't continue like this after the treatment otherwise expect to see me hawking up gobs of spit in a street near you in the not too distant future... (sorry but I promised you a warts and all account).

Apart from that everything else is World Cup so no comment. Except to say that I shall be baking lemon slices tomorrow for my visitors. Never baked anything before. Poor visitors! J x

On Visitors

I'm currently taking each day as it comes. I had a particularly good day today - so much so that everyone from work said I was looking remarkably well. Well I felt remarkably well too (and quite guilty therefore that I'm not back in work) but this was no guide to how I felt this afternoon (knackered, I slept for 3 hours) and there's no telling how I'll feel tomorrow so its a bit difficult for me to say "yes" to everyone who wants to visit. I'm quite happy to arrange visits but if you're travelling from afar (Leeds, London, Newcastle etc) then you may be disappointed when you turn up and I'm exhausted after half an hour. I'm only saying this so I don't end up offending anyone. Having said all this if you want to visit then I'd love to see you so give me a ring and we'll see what we can sort out. J x

P.S. I have my next chemotherapy session on the 21st and I'm likely to spend the week after that throwing up so those dates probably aren't good for visiting.

All Alone

Early radiotherapy session this morning has allowed Aged Ps to hop on a train and go and see Liverpool Cathedral leaving me to fend for myself. Might attempt a walk into Starbucks to see the gang. Hopefully back lunch-time ish for Denise visit. Would also be great to receive visitors from yonder shores (Newcastle) if they manage to make it over the Pennines. J x