Back Still Painful

Had a dentist appointment this morning and had to be helped out of the chair because the pain was so bad.  But it's not bad all the time.  It seems to be worse if I've been lying down and attempt to get up. I can manage it from the sofa or bed by rolling onto my side and pushing myself up with my hands.  I couldn't do this from a prone position on the dentist's chair because there was no room to roll onto my side.  Still the lovely Lance was there to assist and I got a hug into the bargain :-) Every cloud.....

Otherwise taking things quietly today.  Probably won't make it to Book Club tonight.  And I've not read the book anyway.  Indeed I have no idea what the book even is.  I'm a terrible Book Club member.  Will try and establish this month's book so I can take it to Ibiza with me.  

DD moved in this morning. And then disappeared and I haven't seen her since.  Still it's Coronation Street on the telly tonight.  I'm sure she'll be back for that. That's all. J x

This Is Interesting

http://youtu.be/lX6JcybgDFo

OMG

Elizabeth Moss at the Emmys. She looked stunning. And we love her anyway. Go Peggy j x

So The Programme Is Called Fashion Police

And they've just "done" Christina Hendricks at the Emmys. She looked fabulous and the fashion police agreed. Yay Christina.  J x

Number Three

Just saying. It's helping. J x

I'm So Sorry

But I'm watching Joan Rivers talking about the dresses people were wearing at the Emmy Awards and I'm loving it.  Some of the dresses are truly horrific.  How canHollywood stars get it so wrong?  J x

So Bad

I cannot believe that the BBC ever allowed Atlantis.  It's just so wrong on just about every level. Speciaal mention goes out to Sarah Parish as the bitch queen (she does a mean scowl) and Juliet Stevenson as the mad as a box of frogs Oracle.  They must have paid both of them more than they pay their departing directors.... J x

So My Back Hurts Like A Bitch

Ibuprofen worked for an hour or two but now I've resorted to medicinal martinis. I'm on number two.  

And I'm watching Atlantis.  It's terrible.  The script, the acting, the production.... even the fact that everyone is wearing trousers.  Surely all the Greeks wore really short skirts? And frankly Jason is the most uncharismatic actor I've ever seen. 

I'm a little worried about my back. The pain is quite low down and yet the radiotherapy I received was at a higher point than the first cycle.  But there's nothing I can do before Monday anyway so we'll just wait and see. And suffer.  I may need to resort to tramadol.... Or tequila.  :-) J x

Back Pain

So my back pain has got a lot worse. But that's to be expected - the radiotherapy keeps on working for a week or so after you stop treatment.  And I'm dropping the steroids on alternate days. Ibuprofen helps more than paracetamol but I can't take too much of it in case it gives me stomach ulcers.  Medicinal vodka and tequila helped last night too - got drunk over a superb tomato sauce and pasta thing I made. DD was round for our Coronation Street fest - 5 episodes!

Earlier in the day went to a Macmillan coffee morning organised by Gill in Albert Bridge House. They will have raised over £2000 by the time all the money is counted and Gift Aid sorted. Well done her. Had a good chat with Alan too. Then went for a lovely meal and catch up with Gill in Cafe Istanbul.  Arranged to go and see Rush with her next week.

And in a combination of the two previous stories, Jude informs me that the Coronation Street cast and crew raised over £1700 at their Macmillan coffee morning which is great news. 

Also met up with Bill for a beer in The Oast House (I take back all I said about the place, it's actually quite nice). Good to see him and find out all about the new kitchen. 

Today will consist in the main of me lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself apart from lunch out with DD and Gwen. Think we're going to Felicinis. I may blog later too when I'm on the "medicine".... I know how you all look forward to my medicinal blogging :-) J x

Been A While

Sorry about that.

Radiotherapy went well. No real problems although I have to say that I've had a bit of back pain today. Coincidentally it's also my first day off steroids.  I suspect the two events are connected.  But I'm on steroids on alternate days for a week so I expect to feel better tomorrow.

It's Michele's birthday today so Happy Birthday to her.  It was also Toby's birthday last week so Happy Birthday to him too. Am seeing Michele on Sunday evening for a meal and saw Toby earlier in the week for a meal and lots (and lots) of drink.  Had a huge hangover but was also lots of fun.  

Off to the Buy Art Fair tonight.  There are free drinks and art. Guess which one we're going for.... :-) Out for a quick meal afterwards with DD and LL. Macmillan coffee morning in Albert Bridge House tomorrow morning and then out for a drink and catch up with Gill afterwards. Be good to buy her a drink for her exam success. Well done you.

That's all for now.  J x

Will Blog More Fully Later But In The Meantime...

.... I offer you this from Twitter:

I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during "If I Could Turn Back Time" does she mention killing Hitler.

Still Quiet

Mum and I went to Bents for lunch (very nice) whilst Dad stayed in the flat and watched football.  I bought some spring bulbs to plant. Manchester derby kicks off at 1600 so will be watching that and DD will be around after the match to wish Bon Voyage to the Ageds who depart for home tomorrow after taking me to radiotherapy.

I appear to be pain free at the moment which is good since the pain from my first radiotherapy cycle has subsided and the pain from the one I'm going through at the moment hasn't built up yet.  Good days. And it's sunny and warm :-) J x

All Quiet

Yesterday's radiotherapy went well without a hitch. Lunch at San Carlo followed by tea in from of the telly and a visit from the carer in chief.  Quiet day ahead today too followed by meal out tonight for Mum's birthday. That's all. J x

Three Down

Haircut successfully negotiated too. Hurrah.  Off to bed now as early radiotherapy tomorrow. J x

Two Down

MRI successfully negotiated. It was a breeze to be fair as all they did was an MRSA swab.  I was literally in the Elective Treatment Centre less than 10 minutes. I would have been even quicker had I not taken the time and trouble to feedback to them on using the wrong telephone number on my appointment letter. They love me. Hair cut next.... J x

One Down

Radiotherapy over and done with. No problems. Next up is pre-op for lip surgery.... J x

Rather Loving The New iOS7

Looks good and seems to work well. Well done Apple. J x

This Is Awesome Too

But not as awesome as previous announcement...

http://vimeo.com/m/72654364

Major Announcement People

I need you all to help me make it to December 2014 so I can go and see this....

http://www.magicalmouseschoolhouse.com/2013/09/disney-begins-production-woods/

Sorry

Better to have loved & lost & set fire to his clothes & told everyone he's shit in bed than never to have loved at all.

Apologies: Gross But Very Funny Tweet

Yeah, occasionally I tweet on the toile…DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY THIS ONE'S GOING TO RIP ME IN HALF DOES ANYONE KNOW A PRIEST IT NEEDS BAPTISING…

Oh Tuesday, Tuesday. So Good To Me

So the Ageds have arrived safely and are ensconced in front of the United match with wine and chocolate so all is right with the world.

Today's Induction/Training for new Macmillan volunteers went really well. Both men were gay and really nice so I look forward to working with them in the future.  And the women were really nice too. I particularly liked Loretta and not just because of her name.  But isn't it fantastic?  If I ever had a daughter I think I'd call her Loretta.  Or a puppy (either gender coz dogs don't actually care). 

Got a bit of niggling pain in my back tonight and am starting to think that it's about time that this started to subside. Will talk to the radiographers on Thursday if there's no change.  Also had an outbreak of warts on my right hand.  Get thee to a pharmacy you unclean boy.  Urgh. I hate warts.  Still love my new veneers though :-) 

No plans for tomorrow yet.  I think the Ageds need a little more libation before they'll commit to anything. Luckily I'm fairly well stocked with cheap wine... That's all. J x

Lego

Don't you just love it. 

Lego Golden Girls... :-) J x

Back Safe

And it's been a busy day.

Set off at 0700 this morning from Richmond in N Yorkshire and initially made really good time until we crossed over into Lancashire and the Manchester environs where things slowed somewhat to a crawl. Nevertheless made it home in time to be just 10 minutes late for my Macmillan meeting. That went really well despite the being only 3 of us there (there are normally about 10). It actually meant we got quite a lot done which I was pleased about even though we couldn't make any final decisions on account of not being quorate. Am helping lead an Induction/Information session for new volunteers from the People Affected By Cancer community tomorrow and am really looking forward to that.

Then it was back home for a quick spot of lunch before heading out to the dentist to get my veneers done.  I'm really happy with them, I think they look really nice and natural (not like Simon Callow at all!). 

Now need to tidy up and prepare the spare bedroom as the Aged Ps arrive tomorrow (a day early) and I'm at this Induction Session for most of tomorrow.  They're arriving early because it is my Uncle John's funeral in London today.  A sad occasion. I haven't talked to them yet but hopefully everything has gone as well as it can.  

Hilda here in the morning so also need to tidy the rest of the flat so that she can clean.  I tell you, it's all go for us medical retirees..... And DD is round tonight to help me finish off the take away curry we took away from Richmond when we did our early morning flit this morning.

The Eco Lodge at Richmond is a brilliant place (Brompton Lakes for anyone wanting to experience it http://www.bromptonlakes.co.uk/).  

Luxurious, peaceful, tranquil, in the country and close to Richmond which is a lovely little town - the theatre tour is worth the trip in itself.  I'm not sure I'd do it again with such a large bunch of people though.  I prefer to have some peace and quiet!  And now I seem to have turned everything blue and underlined it.  Can't be bothered restyling nor can I seem to undo it easily so we're just going to have to live with it.

DD round later for a post-cricket drink (curry got cancelled). That's all. J x

Lunch

Very yummy it was too. J x

Fiddlley Diddley Dee, Six Ladies....

....and I'm the only man, yah! 

So have arrived in beautiful Eco Lodge in the middle of North Yorkshire (so that's like Double North) where I'm staying for the weekend with my six ladies. They've all gone down the pub and left me in charge of trying to work out how one switches the lights on in an Eco Lodge. And, if having found a switch, whether one is able to discern any appreciable increase in light levels once an Eco bulb is switched on (I'm not convinced - I think the bulbs might actually suck light out of the air like the deluminator in Harry Potter). 

Still. At least the heating appears to be working because its bloody hot in here. So I've opened the doors and windows to cool things down. I'll just sit here in the dark and the draught until they get back and can take charge again. 

But I left Manchester looking like this...

And am now here...

So there's been an improvement. But it all nearly went tits up in the great caravan-jam of 2013....

Happy Days. Have signed up to wifi for the exorbitant fee of £2.50 per day so expect regular blog services to be maintained. 

Back is hurting a bit, probably from the car journey, so may have to break into the vodka vault before they get back. That's all. J x

I Do Like The Look Of....

.... the new gold iPhone5s. Interesting that predictive text on my current iPhone doesn't recognise the need for a capital P in the new iphone5s....! J x

Weather Report

The BBC local news weather man keeps saying the words "arctic air". Make him stop... In other news, morning all. Off to Yorkshire for the weekend later. Expect blogged photos if they have the Internet over there (I've no idea). J x

Sexy Beard

Jeremy is looking quite good at the moment....

Twitter Going Public

You heard it here first.....

Now watching Newsnight but its not quite the experience it was last night.  I love Kirsty, I really do.  She's fabulous on the Culture Show.  But she's not Emily. Where are you and your fabulous hair Emily? 

I may have to not watch because its "ordinary news" reported in an "ordinary way".  

OK maybe one last vodka, one last chance.  Excite me!  J x

#EducatingYorkshire

Now I feel bad for Georgia - "I wish I could just start again"

#EducatingYorkshire

Am I bad person for really feeling for Jack?  Is it a class thing? Is it a nerd thing? Is it gender based?  I hate Georgia....

#EducatingYorkshire

Girl's hair. What the fuck is that all about? 

#EducatingYorkshire

I feel for Jack right now.

Wow

From Twitter: @BBCBreaking: Nasa says Voyager 1 space probe has left solar system and is first manmade object to enter interstellar space http://t.co/nGMMQG0km2

And The Weight Is Just Falling Off Me

Since I started the radiotherapy I'm losing a pound a day. But still stuffing my face and drinking myself to an early grave. Win/win. :-) J x

Brighton & Hove Council #success

So I eventually got into a queue where I waited for 15 minutes but, when I got through to an operator, she sorted everything out for me there and then and even emailed me a receipt #digitalbydefault Well done. J x

Brighton & Hove Council #fail

So just tried to phone Brighton Council to sort out an issue with the council tax on the flat. The automated response is that I can't speak to anyone because they're too busy. They won't put me in a queue or anything and don't suggest a time when I might phone back.  Any suggestions as to how to proceed (especially from within the failing organisation itself) gratefully received.  :-) J x

So I've Rewound Newsnight....

.... which is a bit sad I'll admit.  And there are cracks when you watch stuff critically. But this in no way takes away from the energy of tonight's programme.  Indeed it may even enhance it. J x

Computer medical diagnosis by computer. What do we think? 

Ooooooooh

Should I get involved in politics? Answers on a postcard..... :-) J x

I Am So Going To Watch...

... Newsnight from now on.  Just OMG.  I love you Emily.  J x

OMG OMG OMG

Has anyone watched Newsnight recently?

DD was around tonight.  We watched the Wipers Times thing which was OK but a bit too Ian Hislop at the start for me. But it was OK on the whole by the end.  But then Newsnight came on.  OMG.  It was like an explosion in my head.  They were straight into an article on the privatisation of Royal Mail which just came out of nowhere (had featured on no news programmes earlier) but which segued (using some of the same guests) into a discussion on "future jobs".  One of the guests had on the most divine jumper (I swear it was Hermes) but had so much interesting stuff to say. The debate was electric.  I've had three martins and so may be a little skewed in my thinking but listening to a man talk about the future economy with someone from the TUC and challenge them on the role of the TUC and actually what they should be doing to secure the jobs for their futures was stunning.  God I loved it.  Emily Maitliss is a goddess. Her hair is to die for.  

But then it sadly went downhill with the introduction of Rupert Everett.  God he's dreadful.  There's a word for someone who is part of your community but actively works against that community but I've had three martinis and I can't remember what the word is.  But anyway, he's that...

So energised right now.  That's all. J x

5/5

So this morning was my last radiotherapy session of this first cycle.  Naturally I was accompanied by my primary carer, the redoubtable DD. For some reason I was in a different radiological suite from the other 4 sessions but apparently it makes little difference.  Had to wait around afterwards to see Dr Lee (my radiotherapy consultant but not seen him before). He seems really nice.  Tried to arrange for me to attend for a planning session for the next cycle of radiotherapy. We calmly explained that this had already been taken care of.  He ran off and then came back to confirm that we were right.  Honestly, I could do that job. Gissa job. Gissa consultant's salary.  All you need to do is read the f***ing notes.

Have a sore throat and an "uncomfortable" back. Not too bad all things considered. 

Fell asleep this afternoon after a plate of taters and cheese for lunch. So got none of my jobs done.  Bad boy.  Bad bad boy.  Hey ho though.

DD round tonight for Coronation Street.  Mushrooms for me, soup for her.  Yum. 

Tomorrow is a Macmillan LGBT all day conference. Should be interesting. J x

Ooooooh

WNO are in Liverpool on 24 & 25 October.  I probably need to get on that... So who is up for it? J x

Unbelievable

Just checked WNO website and they're in Birmingham on 13 & 14 November. Good on the face of it because DD will have already departed for distant shores but I've already booked for the new Flute at ENO in London. Honestly, is it too much to ask that the fucking national operas get their fucking shit together? Bollocks. I'll go and see the library anyway but I might have to go elsewhere for the Donizetti's. Possibly Liverpool. Back to the website (via Hermes?)..... J x

I'm so glad I recorded that....

.... I'm so going to watch it when I'm sober. Now about that beanie... J x

And I Love Little White Children...

.... who actually love reading. I loved reading as a kid. I still do. J x

The Musical Director....

.... is just the worst gay. Really pointed face. I hate that. (But then I'm a complete bastard so please don't get upset if you're a pointy faced ugly f**k). J x

Bright shirts....

.... with dark suits. Is that a thing at the moment? *rearranges packing for Ibiza in October* 

I'm Sorry...

...I'm Manchester through and through but Birmingham has knocked Manchester (and Liverpool) into a cocked hat with its new library. I love it. 

And talking of cocked hats, Hermes does a cashmere beanie at £560. Each. Yes. Really. I'm so tempted.... J x

OMG

How beautiful is the new library in Birmingham? I might need to make a trip just to see it. But thinking about it WNO tours to Birmingham too. And they have two Donizetti's this season. Oooooh...... ROAD TRIP! J x

Sad News

My Uncle John died yesterday. He has been quite ill for a long time and exceeded all expectations in living his life a good number of years beyond what was initially expected.  I take inspiration from this and from him.  He was a fascinating man who worked for the Govt for a long time as an economist and he always had really interesting views on world affairs.  Those of you at my recent party would have met his sons, Robert & David, my cousins.  My condolences go to them and to my Aunty Anne my mother's sister.

Jonathan x

And By Svelte Silhouette

This is what I'm aiming for...

Off to radiotherapy accompanied by my very dear friend Jim this morning. Macmillan meeting later. I'll let y'all know how it goes. J x

Is The NHS Missing A Trick?

So, my experience tells me that vodka is an effective painkiller.  Beyond that it is also a mood enhancer and depressant and so keeps me happy and quiet.  And some of it is cheap.  Would the NHS not be better just dispensing some cheap Netto vodka on the wards (you can't tell the difference - trust me, I know) rather than going for heavily researched, expensive analgesics? 

Just imagine each ward as its own little cocktail bar.  Nurses would still wear aprons to approach patients but they'd be bar-staff aprons rather than those horrible flimsy plastic things.  I think this would solve a lot of the NHS's problems (apart from not having enough competent, well-trained, well-supported managers of course). Patients would naturally fall asleep rather than be awake all night screaming. We'd all be quiet and compliant in the mornings as we recovered from hangovers.  

I think I should be tweeting the Health Secretary. But maybe I'll just sleep on it for tonight....

Radiotherapy in the morning with the lovely Jim. I'll let you know how it goes. I think it is starting to affect me now though.  Goodnight all. J x

Depressing

Watching Blackout on Channel 4. Superb drama but so depressing. Would it really all be like that?  I suspect it would which is why it is so depressing... Lets all move to the country and dig bunkers.  Or Ibiza. Or somewhere.  J x

Interesting

Feeling a little nauseous.  Dr Kennedy said it might happen.  So what do I do?  Go with the sickness to lose weight for Ibiza or take the medicine?  Please vote and push those buttons now.... :-) J x

Twitter Amuse Bouche

 Why don't we just fire badgers from RAF Typhoons on Syria?

#TwoBirdsOneStone

Must Stop Eating

Can't stop eating. Hello, my name is Jonathan and I'm addicted to drugs, alcohol, eating and the pursuit of a svelte silhouette. Not all of these things are compatible.  I'll ponder the dilemma over a biscuit I think.

Radiotherapy (3/5) was a breeze this morning accompanied by the gorgeous Michele - my Bargain Hunt Buddy: we've applied - whose pursuit of the svelte silhouette is proving vastly more effective than mine.

Lunch later with Jane at Rylands. Looking forward to that as haven't seen her for ages. 

Have booked to go to Ibiza for 5 days in October. Looking forward to that. 

Off to Brompton Lakes for the weekend on Friday. Looking forward to that. 

Got two Macmillan meetings between now and then. And then Aged Ps arrive in Manchester on Wednesday until Monday. Looking forward to that too.

In the meantime, where's that biscuit...... That's all. J x

Quiet Today

Formula One not very exciting.  Girls around later for food.  Early radiotherapy tomorrow.  Meh.  That's all.  J x

And Number 80,000 was....

..... me!

In fact, am now slightly worried that the vast majority of the 80,000 were me and I'm not half as popular as I like to think I am. :-) Actually I don't care. 80,000 wheeeeeeeeeeee. J x

24 Away....

... from 80,000 hits, or page views, or maltesers or something (I've no idea what the counter thing is actually counting.  I suspect it has its own agenda and maybe even reverses direction when I'm sleeping).  

So been out to Maggie & Paul's tonight where, dear reader, you'll be appalled to learn that I was mocked for my choice of headgear.  Me, a sick, cancerous, vulnerable Person Affected By Cancer (the official Macmillan term - and don't get me started on those bastards either - see later) was crudely told that I'd look rubbish in some of the hats that I'd spent hours choosing in a thoughtful and considered manner online last night. Apparently I won't look like David Beckham at all.  Sob.  I'm not sure I can go on.  No really, oh well, maybe just a small one thanks..... Yes. 

"Thats not a beanie". 

And?  So?  Who said I was going for a beanie anyway?  

Eh? And yes I do have tattoos actually.  The radiographers at The Christie tattooed marks onto my body.  Actual marks. Tattoos. So who looks more like David Beckham now eh lady? Yes.

But the lasagne was to die for.  Not as sloppy as I normally go for (I am a guy who likes it sloppy after all) as it helps it slip down more easily, but easily one of the tastiest lasagnes I've had in ages. Thank you Paul.  You should so go for the next professional Masterchef competition. And the beer and the vodka and the company was divine (slagging off apart - who knew Catholics could be so vicious?). 

So, yeah, Macmillan.  Which genius in that organisation had the idea to run a fundraising campaign for "Giving Up Booze In October". I can't believe I even just typed those words. It's just madness. Us people with cancer need our booze.  It helps. It takes the edge off.  It ease pain etc.  Having said all this if someone out there is prepared to make a serious suggestion that involves shit-loads of money for Macmillan then I'll consider it.  Coz I love Macmillan really. They just asked me to do a fundraising speech at a conference at Manchester Airport in October (how "dry" will that be eh Macmillan?) but I'm out bowling with my homies on that date so I'll be able to carry on drinking!  Yay!  I've offered to do them a filmed video though - always playing my part. :-)   

Feeling OK (but tired) at the moment.  The vodka and the ibuprofen has taken the edge off the pain and I'm 2/5 of the way through my first radiotherapy cycle.  Have a lunch date tomorrow and a dinner date on Sunday so the world is looking pretty good for a non-David Beckham lookalike tonight.  Goodnight Baltimore.  I love you. J x 

The Christie Day Two

All went well without a hitch (thank you Sara). Got home and cooked enough garlic mushrooms for six people. And ate them. Very sleepy mushrooms, I may just.... zzzzzz J x

Stop Me Now

I should not be let near an Internet screen whilst I'm drunk.  I've just bought 4 hats online.  For when. I have chemotherapy.  If I make it as far as chemotherapy.  And even if I don't, I now have a selection of hats to wear to my funeral...

 But before the wailing and gnashing of teeth starts I should point out that they're hats bought from the Burton website i.e. they weren't really expensive. And they're made of wool so they will keep my head warm. But yes, they're hats.  And they're Burton hats.  So clearly I'm drunk.  But WTF guys.  It's my birthday, and I've had my first radiotherapy and I had a great lunch, and some fab cards, thank you DD, and I now have hats, and Toby phoned, and Fig phoned and actually loads of people phoned.... So at the risk of repeating myself WTF guys?

Anyway, I'm off for some painkillers (trust me, there is pain that even vodka can't reach) and thence to bed.  The fabulous Sara is taking me to radiation therapy tomorrow.  So will blog tomorrow with updates. Nunight. J x

The Christie Day One

So started off by seeing the ever lovely and the ever efficient Debbie (no miscommunication there let me tell you). She had arranged a quick meeting between me and young Sean (you all remember young Sean from way back when on the first cancer? He was the one pulled me through successfully and allowed me to have the last seven years of my life.  Well him and his Team of course and that Team includes the lovely Debbie). Anyway, anyway... we'd set up the meeting to get this bloody annoying little growth on my lip sorted. God Bless Sean for agreeing to do this for me - he's a Head and Neck consultant at MRI who is quite happy to spend time just whipping a little growth off my lip.  I love him for that. 

Turns out though that we can't just do it down a dark alley at the back of The Christie, we have to do it at the MRI with local anaesthetic and all that stuff.  We all whipped out our phones and agreed that this will happen on 07/10. I'll be first on his list for the day.  Fabulous.  

The radiotherapy session went OK although at one point it looked as though I might have to be re-consented.  This is because I asked what treatment I was receiving today and was told, correctly, that it was to the T10 to T12 area of my ribs/spine (the tumour is located, as I'm sure you've guessed from this, on T11).  But the radiographer then said that we would do my chest at the next cycle.  I immediately got all uppity because no-one was talking about treating my chest for anything. All that had been discussed with me were two areas on my back.  Quite correctly the radiographer refused to proceed with any treatments whilst there was any confusion.  Poor Dr Kennedy had to be called again.

I have to say I really like Dr Kennedy. He takes his time, is really thorough and explains things clearly.  Turns out that it is my" posterior chest wall" that is being treated. "Posterior chest wall" is NHS-speak for back. Don't even get me started on how sensible that is!  I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly good medical  reasons why a person's back is referred to as their "posterior chest wall" but that don't help me as a poor patient strapped (not literally this time) to a radiographer s excruciating scanner of pain table (it hurts my back to lie on it - they don't actually torture me). Anyway, Dr Kennedy sat me and my trusty carer down in front of a video screen and showed us exactly what was going to happen.  I was v impressed.  As I say, I like him.  

Then had the treatment. Didn't hurt. Took about 15 minutes all in. Job done.  Home via Sainsburys and then lunch with LL and Sara at San Carlo. Very tasty too.  Feel a little tired now but that is probably because I woke up in the night again to take painkillers.  Now just relaxing this evening in my lovely clean home (Hilda has been today) before back to The Christie for Day Two tomorrow. Sara is the one entrusted with making sure I get there on time.  That's all for now. May blog again later depending on energy levels. J x

Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday To Me. Happy Birthday Dear Meeeee-eeeee, Happy Birthday To Me. I'm 52 today everyone.  Hope you all sang along.

Thank you all for the lovely cards that arrived early. More will arrive later (yippee) but that will be after I've been for my first radiotherapy session so I'll blog about those later.  Some notable mentions already - 

Michele, who has kindly sent me not one, not two but three cards.  A mixture of funny and beautiful.  Just like herself.

Manchester Mum and Dad for the inclusion of a Groupon Voucher for a vodka tasting session.  Really made me laugh and I'm looking forward to it immensely.

Sara for the dress your own statue of David.  That man really should be sporting some stylish accessories, I agree.

Fig for his beautiful picture of eggs and apology about what else is to arrive (it hasn't yet).  Getting worried now.... :-) 

Sarah for the beautiful handmade card.  She is really very clever and very artistic.

And I got so excited about all the above that I've cocked up my pills and had an Ensure Plus before I took my stomach lining tablet (to protect me from the steroids). Oh well, I'm sure it won't do too much harm just this once if they're taken out of sequence.  

Hilda arriving later to clean so I better get on with tidying up.  Thanks again all, see you after the session.  J x

Actually

All power to Kevin McCloud and Channel 4. This programme is about so much more than just a TV show. It also has an agenda around architecture which I love.  Well done you guys on marrying the two. Am sweating a bit tonight which is probably not good but it didn't happen until I had a vodka.  So I'll just go with the current radiotherapy schedule.  

Have invited the Aged Ps up for the second set of radiotherapy and I think they will come up.  That will be good.  It also coincides with my Mum's birthday. Be nice if we could arrange something for that.  Just a thought at the moment.  Off for some ibuprofen now and an earlyish night as I have an early start for radiotherapy at 1005 tomorrow.  J x

Grand Designs

Welcome back.  Loved tonight's show. Apart from the big window I loved it all... Oh God, and the hydro pool.  Why do people have those? I want a concrete shower though.  Jx

Time for some levity...

... This made me laugh http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/government-policy-to-be-anecdote-based-2013090479141

OMG

Celebrity Masterchef is at Number One Aldwych! Bet they don't do anything with their vodka martinis though.... But when was this filmed? The flower displays are forsythia. In fact I think I might have been there during that display.... But I can't find the photo sorry. It'll be there somewhere though... J x

The Christie Day Minus One

So it was the usual NHS mix of good and bad today.  A little disappointed I have to say as I normally hold The Christie up as a beacon in most things in the usual morass of NHS stuff I go through.  But there was some bad miscommunication today.

Firstly, I didn't see Dr Kennedy straight away I saw Dr Song.  She hasn't been there long and was not totally up to date with what Dr Kennedy had discussed with me the day before yesterday - miscommunication one - so I explained to her that I was here for a planning session for both cycles of radiotherapy and therefore wouldn't need to come back the day before the next cycle started too. She needed to get Dr Kennedy in for me to sign the consent form anyway (because she hadn't been there long) and so we were able to clear that up pretty quickly.  But it shouldn't have happened.  Otherwise Dr Song was lovely, introduced herself to us by name (DD was with me) but had no knowledge of Dr Who at all and so a whole host of witty jokes just fell by the wayside... She had a really pleasant and approachable manner and was willing to answer all our questions.  Didn't make us feel rushed at all.  She ran through all the procedures and side effects stuff.  Dr Kennedy corrected her on one or two things which was fine as she was clearly there to learn.  I was reassured by his presence though.

She explained that the pain in my back will get worse before it gets better because the radiotherapy will cause inflammation in the healthy tissue around the tumours before we see shrinkage in the tumours i.e. there will be greater pressure areas. Hopefully this inflammation doesn't last and the tumours shrink so we end up with a better outcome in the end than I have now.  Hopefully this happens fairly quickly because its actually a bit painful at the moment. 

Then it was off to the CT scanner to await "measuring up" ready for tomorrow. Was seen by Liz and Simon (who introduced themselves) and by a student radiographer who didn't.  Liz and Simon were fine and competent and explained everything to me clearly.  It was only when they started to confirm my future appointments with me that miscommunication two became apparent.  First of all they were under the impression that I was having the two treatments simultaneously but I explained that I wasn't. So they contacted the booking office who informed them that my scheduled appointments were without a week's break in between.  I explained to Liz that Dr Kennedy had been clear about a week's break (miscommunication number three). She rechecked with the booking office who stuck to their guns of no break. At this point I asked to see Dr Kennedy again and after much running around I was told that I had been correct all along. Hah!

It's no real biggie (apart from the time and hassle involved for everyone and the knock on effect on later appointments waiting to be seen whilst this is sorted out). But it's this sort of thing that leads us to "never events" (google them - there are 28). And that stuff is a little more serious.... Not 10/10 from me on this occasion. 

Sara called round for a cup of tea later and was good to catch up with her but then I've just kicked her out because I'm starting to feel tired and in need of painkillers.  May cancel my Helpline session tonight? But if I do I'll just sit at home and get fat (these steroids are making me insanely hungry - I had two breakfasts this morning). This radiotherapy better make me at least a bit nauseous so I can lose some weight otherwise I'm going to have to go shopping again. I'll leave it for a bit and see how I feel after the painkillers.  That's all.  J x

So....

... sometimes it just creeps up on you, you know. Yes I know I have cancer. And yes I know it will kill me. But I don't think about it all the time. And then all of a sudden I'll get a twinge in my back and I think: that's the cancer. It's going to kill me. And it really fucks me up. And makes me cry. And makes me scared. But not all the time. Mostly I'm OK. But you need to understand that there's this whole scary stuff going on too. And however positive I seem, I'm really scared as well. But I don't want to be scared. I want to be strong. I want to be positive. But I can't do it on my own. I need you to help me. Fuck. I didn't want to write all this stuff. Don't know if I'll press the "publish" button or not. I probably should so you know how it is for me. But I don't want you to feel bad either. I just want you to understand. It's all fucking bollocks. Cancer is a complete cunt. It has no rationale. Yes it's all my fault because I was a smoker but: fuck! What happens now? 

OK. Enough. Fed up with feeling sorry for myself. What happens now ? Well, I get through the radiotherapy, I have a fabulous time in Brompton Lakes, my parents come up to stay, I go to Ibiza, I sort stuff with Macmillan, I go home for Xmas, something happens in Australia - fuck knows what, Ashes? - I go to Istanbul.... loads of fucking fabulous things happen. Not feeling sorry any more. Thanks for the help :-) J x

Here We Go. Cancer Update

So, the news is good and bad.  But more good than bad I think.  But then I'm on my 5th martini... You be the judge.

So I have two new "hot spots" on my back.  Yes, they're tumours.  They occur on the 11th and 7th  something or others of my spine but, crucially, they don't intrude yet on my spine.  That is why I'm having the radiotherapy.  As you'll recall from blogs some weeks back I had a series of scans run as a result of pain I'd been experiencing in my back - PET scan, CT scan of my chest and abdomen and a brain scan.

Lets deal first of all with the negative scans: nothing has shown up in my brain.  This is good :-) And indeed I'm sure many of you - particularly those I've worked with - could have predicted they'd find nothing in my brain! But I was worried that there might be something there because my memory seemed to be deteriorating.  But no, it's not a tumour in my brain although my bad memory may be as a result of the chemotherapy (there is a phenomenon known as "chemo brain" - google it if you like - which is anecdotally a loss of memory as a result of chemo undergone: there are no definitive trials on this). So the brain thing is good but don't be surprised if I appear scatterbrained for a while.

The chest and abdomen scans were good too.  There is nothing in my liver, my kidneys, my adrenal gland etc to suggest new tumours. I do appear to be showing a new growth in one of my lymph nodes near my right lung but nothing large enough for us to worry about at the moment.  There is a very small new "hot spot" in my left lung but its so small that it may be cancer or it may just be inflammation, they can't tell. 

So that's some of the good news (there's more to come - see later) but time now for some bad news. There are these two new tumours on my back.  These suggest that the cancer is active and spreading and so will continue to do so.  To be fair this is what everyone has been saying from the start.  It just comes as a bit of a shock - you and me both - on the back of me doing so well seemingly lately. 

The treatment proposed is also a good news story though.  If things were really bad and going pear-shaped e.g. loss of sensation in my lower limbs, then they'd have given me a one-off-mega-blast of radiotherapy to deal with it.  The fact that I will be receiving a first cycle of 5 radiotherapy sessions followed by a break of one week followed by a further session of 5 days radiotherapy is good news and means things aren't so dire that they need to pile in there.  And the outcomes from this graduated response are generally better. I could get up to an extra 5 months of pain free time out of this. I like the sound of that.

And then there's more chemotherapy stuff after that too.  A different chemotherapy this time.  One that involves my hair falling out (we're cruising hat and wig shops as we speak - all suggestions greatly welcomed) but in conjunction with a new trial that everyone is very excited about. Something to do with "anti-PDL" no I've no idea either but it sounds like something to do with performance development.... which may give me extra months too.  Who knows, I may even still be around for the next Midsummer Party or my birthday next year (its 05/09 for those of you who have missed the hints so far).  

So on the whole, and given the parameters, things are looking positive.  I hope you agree. Please don't get too upset - I know it's easy to forget what's going on and then you have to think about it all again - but I'm feeling OK at the moment (and not just because of the alcohol) and that's what is important.  I love the fact that you still follow me on the blog, I love the fact that you all support me and I love the fact that I'm loved.  Thank you.  J x

Here

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/02/diana-nyad-swim-cuba-florida1?utm_source=LGF+weekly+bulletin&utm_campaign=6d66e82c82-LGF_Weekly_Bulletin_09_03_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_43f936b912-6d66e82c82-197269582

OMG

Am about to update you with all the cancer blah blah blah but I've just seen that the first person (woman?) to swim from Cuba to America without a shark cage is a lesbian.  Fucking ace.  You go girl.  J x

There's a Film Called La Bamba?

Really?  Genius! Love it already. J x

Drunk Update

So, I've been watching catch up TV with DD and a curry.  Clearly this has involved alcohol.  So I'm in no state to give you a full review of everything that has happened however I can talk about today.  It's been agreed that I'll have two sets of radiotherapy. Each course will be 5 days long and there will be a week's break between the two. Side effects will hopefully be minimum but let's see what develops.  

Am feeling OK at the moment (steroids have helped and I'm drunk - what more can one ask for?). But I have clinic with Yvonne tomorrow (we love her) followed by a 'planning session' for the radiotherapy the following day at The Christie. Radiotherapy will then start at 1110 on Thursday   As I say I'll sort h all out at a later date.

But Chimerica deserves its reviews. Really good.  I love Headlong theatre.... J x

Back Home

Arrived safely back in Manchester last night at about 1800. Journey was entirely trouble-free. Phew.  Am likely to be in The Christie all day today so will update the blog later with all my news from London. J x

Just Had A Call...

... from Nurse Jackie (I love her) checking up on me. She is so sweet. But she drinks ouzo so there's no future in it... but anyway, it means I can now receive calls. No idea why DD couldn't get through earlier. Perhaps the phone automatically blocked her? Can't imagine why.... she's my best friend and carer. J x

So Apparently...

.... I need to connect to my laptop to get full phone services restored so whilst I can make calls, I can't take incoming calls or access Voicemail messages at the moment. Normal service will therefore be resumed from late tonight (after Whitworth Weekending) or tomorrow morning (before radiotherapy. Hopefully :-) Just waiting for train at the moment with my friend Peroni. Have you ever thought about the fact that a glass of alcohol is always glad to see you and never steals your phone? Just throwing that out there... J x

Nearly There

So most phone services now working. All that's missing currently is Voicemail. So if you've left me a message in the last day or so I haven't been able to access it yet sorry. I'll sort that out this morning hopefully. J x