Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Oh God

Triffids were rubbish. Bad script, bad story-line, bad direction. Lots of money thrown at it though. It needed more time in my opinion in order to build characters, story and fill in the background. It was all too superficial for my liking. I too remember the original being dead scary and it would be interesting to see it now to see how it stands up to a modern viewing.

And as for my bloody phone. I have 3 months left on my O2 contract and the cancellation fee is "the rest of your line rental payments". This is obviously less than £342 so I resolved to cancel and take out a new contract with Orange (who also do iPhones). Only Orange refused to accept me as a customer. Me! I couldn't believe it. They said I had a dodgy credit rating. How the hell did they work that out? Of course they can't just tell me I have to write to them (which I'll have to do using my Manchester address) which means I can't find out until I get back to Manchester and therefore I'll have to spend my time in Swansea phoneless. Quelle horreur! I can't risk getting refused by other operators either as this will all show up on my credit risk record. Bloody pain in the arse.

Had dressing changed by the District Nurse today and it looked a bit better to me. Apparently exudate (oozing to you and me) is to be expected with all wounds which is comforting.

Off to a cottage by the sea tomorrow evening so may not have time to blog so I'l take this opportunity to wish all my readers a Happy New Year and see you all again in 2010. That's all. J x

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Why Is It Never Easy?

So, in order to get a new phone I went into the O2 shop and explained to the surly youth therein what had happened to which the response was that it will cost me £342 to buy a new phone and then I can swap the SIM card over. £342! Is he completely stark raving mad? The O2 shop is right next door to the Orange shop where they have an iPhone in the window with the word "free" in really big capital letters just above it. So I just walked out. Unfortunately, because I hadn't been prepared for the aforementioned surly youth's response I was not in possession of all the information I needed to enable me to simply tell him I was strolling next door to see his mates in the Orange shop. What I needed to know (and didn't) was where I am in my IPhone/O2 contract and how much longer it has left to run. I was so annoyed that I wasn't going to ask him and so vowed to look the information up online when I got home.

And this is where it gets difficult. To find out information about one's O2 account one needs to log onto the O2 site. Well I didn't know what my username and password were (I haven't used the site since I first bought the phone) but it wouldn't let me re-register ("you already have an account"). So I tried every combination of username and password I've ever used but none of them worked. Luckily there's a button you can click if you've forgotten them but this gets you the message "the details have been sent to your phone". BUT I CAN'T GET INTO MY BLOODY PHONE YOU MORONS! And of course the original contract is hidden away somewhere in Manchester. Aaaaaargh. So I tried the helpline (10 minutes of "you are in a queue" and I gave up). Finally, I've emailed them but they only promise a reply in 24 hours. If nothing is forthcoming I'll just go and sign on with Orange anyway (2 for 1 on cinema tickets on Wednesdays) and sort the rest out later. Its still going to be cheaper than bloody £342.

Also saw the local GP today (he agrees with the District Nurse that the wound will take longer to heal than I'd hoped) and I got a prescription and a sick note for another 2 weeks. The practice nurse re-did my dressing but I wasn't too happy with her hygiene precautions although I didn't say anything. Bloody annoyed with myself about that too (no comments please DD).

And then I learn from DD that they're all coming down for NYE anyway whether I want to join them or not. Pleased and annoyed at the same time. Its complicated so please don't ask me to explain it.

And that's about it for now. Second episode of Day of the Triffids about to come up. Lets hope the script is a bit better in the second half than it was in the first. Great production values though. But it must be impossible to come up with plants that move and look threatening at the same time. And what's with all the dripping "saliva" stuff? Too much like Aliens that bit. And now that really is all... J x

Monday, December 28, 2009

Disaster Strikes! Twice in One Day!!

Firstly the District Nurse (still no sign of Nerys) informs me this morning that my wound probably won't heal properly for another 2 weeks. I'd been hoping to be going back to Manchester on 02/01 and back to work on 04/01. Clearly that isn't going to happen with an open pus-oozing wound (sorry for getting so graphic there). It also means that my lovely friends' lovely plan for NYE won't happen either. DD, Bryn & Michelle (god bless 'em) were planning to come down to Swansea for NYE to take me out drinking so that I might escape the horror that is "NYE Games Night" at the Aged residence. This won't happen now either since a NYE outfit that includes a pus-oozing open wound is not a good look for me. But what a nice idea it was. We'll have to have a separate celebration back in Manchester once I'm well enough.

And if that wasn't enough I've now just put my mobile phone through the washing machine and its died. Luckily I have all my contact details stored on my computer so it will just be a case of transferring them onto a new phone. But it means buying a new phone. I suppose though that it is an opportunity to get a new iPhone 3GS rather than the regular one. Thinking about it though I'll probably stick to the regular one simply because it has everything I need and I don't particularly want to be able to film video with my phone.

So, regular readers, if you've sent me a text I haven't replied to (and you need a reply to it) I'm afraid you'll just have to re-send it once I get the new phone (watch this space). That's all for now. J x

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Who?

Very good I thought. Although once all the bloody time lords come back from the dead there seems little left to do with the franchise. It'll be interesting to see how the new team cope and where they go with it.

Had my wounds dressed by a young female District Nurse this morning who again wasn't Nerys Hughes. Very sweet though although she had somewhat overdone the fake tan. Possibly lees oozing from the wound but if that is the case it was very marginal. Will have to wait a few days I think before any measurable progress in the ooze flow takes place. Or not.

Apart from that nothing to report. Cricket is back on the telly so very little family interaction taking place. Still. It can't go on for ever. Can it? That's all. J x

Friday, December 25, 2009

Forgot to say...

...Dr Edwards' first name was not "gorgeous" but rather Gray. Dr Gray Edwards. How Holly wood is that? At least he could be a film star... J x

Not Nerys Hughes

Despite this being Wales the District Nurse was not the above named actress. Who knew? In fact the DN was a (not unattractive) man who needed to affirm his heterosexuality by talking non-stop about his kids (so why are you working Xmas Day then eh?). As if I was in any state to jump him anyway...

Anyway, wounds now dressed (although not to Dr Edwards standard) the family were able to proceed to the present opening frenzy that passes for Xmas morning in this house including a treasure hunt round the house for my final present (a beautiful globe) organised by my mother (who else?). And thence to lunch (I have some stuff mashed up with gravy).

Now about to have a doze prior to Dr Who. May blog later but that's all for now. J x

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Famous Last Words

So having blogged that I was going to rest and heal I promptly got infected and then taken back into hospital in Swansea. Facilities and mobile reception not as good as Manchester so was unable to blog. Fairly serious wound infection and therefore I had to be kept in for IV antibiotics - at one stage it looked as though I might have to have another operation and stay in over Xmas. Luckily they've let me out but I still have 10 days worth of antibiotics to take and daily visits from a District Nurse to change my dressings (including a visit tomorrow morning).

Morriston hospital is awful and I don't like the nurses - more interested in gossip and chatting to each other than in caring for/interacting with patients. Not one of them introduced themselves to me and none of them wear name badges so I had to ask each and every one of them their name. Not good service. To be fair there were one or two who seemed to know what they were doing but they were definitely a minority.

Spent the first night on a trolley due to the unavailability of beds. The nurses were also generally slow in coming forward with the painkillers which is a definite black mark in my book. Luckily the Aged Ps managed to smuggle in some ibuprofen for me so I was able to self-medicate when needed (don't do this at home kids as its potentially dangerous - I feel qualified to do it though through extensive exposure to both hospitals and drugs).

The doctors however were lovely - including the 23 year old who admitted me. 23! Mind you, he looked about 12 and so it was a relief to find out he had actually qualified as a doctor. And Mr Hare Krishnan (I kid you not) was my consultant. Lovely man. Kept putting his hand on my knee for some reason... But Dr G Edwards was the star. I think his first name was Gorgeous. He was beautiful, mid 30s, fabulous body and a bedside manner to swoon over. I liked him even when he was probing my wounds.

So they let me out this afternoon and now I'm back in the hands of the Ageds (thank God). I've had to temporarily register with their GP here in order to access the District Nurse services and I'll need to get some antibiotics on prescription. In view of this I've decided to stay in Swansea whilst I take the antibiotics and come back up to Manchester on 02/01/10. It means missing Leeds with the gang for NYE which is a real shame but can't be helped. And that's us all caught up.

I'll just take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year and hope that for everyone 2010 is better than 2009. That's all. J x

Sunday, December 20, 2009

True to my Word...

...I am now blogging from Swansea. Journey was good all things considered. Very tiring though and painful by the end. Tramadol appears to work well although it does give one very vivid dreams (I was running an Italian restaurant in Spain last night). Now have to weigh up my pain thresholds against the street value of the tramadol (brand name Zydol - anyone know what this is worth in the clubs these days?).

Anyway, next few days are going to be spent in a drug-induced stupor doing very little whilst I let myself heal. Rest assured I'll let you know if anything (as opposed to anything exciting) happens.

Incidentally, weighed myself this morning and I appear to have lost about 6lbs. Not nearly enough for all this trauma... That's all. J x

Friday, December 18, 2009

Tram-Alam-A-Ding-Dong-Drugs

Those lovely lovely people at the GP place have now given me tramadol. Apparently its so good its addictive and puts you in a coma. Sounds like my type of drug....

Had a really bad day today. Was crying with the pain this morning - mainly, it has to be said, because I cocked up my drug taking schedule and had to endure a drug free window to get me back on schedule. The addition of tramodol to my pharmacopeia (who knew it was spelt like that?) means this shouldn't occur again. Hooray. Plus, presumably, the pain levels start to go down at some point.

Nurse said my wounds were looking good and removed most of the dressings. Pain feels mostly internal now anyway and the nurse prodded my stomach and said that it felt "hard" because of the internal bruising. I asked her about the 5 sit-ups a month I do but she thought this unlikely to be a contributory factor. She also advised me to stop paying my gym subscription but I told her I wasn't ready to let myself go completely to seed just yet.

So we have decided to set off on our journey back in time, sorry I mean to Swansea, tomorrow. This has resulted in me slaving over a hot pile of Xmas cards this evening until my fingers bled (nasty things paper cuts). And that rounds me off. Jack all on telly apart from cricket which the Ageds are transfixed by. Still the weather looks nice down there. Heres hoping we don't get stranded in a snow drift somewhere on the M6 when I will be the first to get eaten on account of my flesh now being addictive and putting you in a coma. That's all. Next blog probably from Swansea. J x

Thursday, December 17, 2009

They Shaved My Left Thigh

Why? I can understand them shaving my stomach, after all they were going to be poking all manner of strange instruments through it and then ripping it brutally open with a meat hook. A rusty meat hook. But my left thigh? Was this a case of those mistaken identities one reads about in the cheaper weeklies? Was I close to having my left leg amputated? Is there a no win/no fee lawyer who can help get me compensation?

Of course I've now had to shave the rest of my left leg and my entire right leg in order to get the balance right. As a consequence I've been asked to take over from Alan Sugar who's playing the Dame in Manchester's pantomime. Its Snow White and the Seven Apprentices (they're changing it to Apprentici when I take over as I think it sounds classier). Sorry, I've no idea where that stream of consciousness came from nor, indeed, where it was headed so lets just leave it there.

Today's news. Got up. Still in pain. Laid on sofa. Still in pain. Had a shower and got wound dressings wet (again). Pain levels not affected. I can't even say its getting slowly better because it doesn't feel any better at all. And its worse in the afternoon and evenings. Looking forward to receiving an independent assessment of how things are looking "down there" when I see the GP nurse tomorrow. I don't particularly seem to be oozing so I'm assuming its all going OK. I will, of course, let you know. DD coming over later to watch Gavin & Stacey so I'l try and put my happy hat on by then but its not easy....

That's all. J x P.S. Sarah in Sussex is safe and warm in case anyone was worried.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Can't believe I'm doing this...

... and my mother will kill me since she isn't here (at lunch somewhere, natch). But I'm going to open the box live on air. OK, here I go - off to the bedroom first to retrieve aforesaid mysterious box. Right I have the box in front of me. Bugger. There's selotape so I'm going to need some scissors (luckily due to aforesaid painful wounds I am unable to run). Got scissors. Having a little trouble with the packaging - a good sign as clearly not already been robbed by the postman (strange considering I have a Hulme postcode). Box now open and there are.... a card and multiple presents ladies and gentlemen. All wrapped in precious metal(lic) papers.... Card is lovely and wishes me a Happy Christmas and a speedy recovery and - you're not going to believe this - there appear to be precious stones adorning the card. Certainly something is twinkling at me which just puts me in mind of the cheery twinkly smiles of the Ts and the spotty dog.

Now for the presents, smallest first (there are two before you start worrying you'll give over the rest of your life to this narration)... it's a... "When I grow up I want to be a notorious homosexual" coffee mug mat. That did indeed bring a smile to my face (I'm still smiling as I type this) but is, of course, rather presumptuous. Whoever said I want to grow up? And just to add to the pedophiliac associations of homosexuality there's a picture of a young boy on the mat (albeit he is wearing clothes).

Present number two.... also in precious paper.... I bet you're feeling all the excitement out there in blog-land aren't you dear readers? Ow. It hurts when I laugh. This time its a bauble. A pink bauble. With a crown on it. And the words glitter queen written in your actual glitter. Its uncanny. Anyone would think this woman knows me.

Thank you dear Ts, you did indeed bring a smile to my face and a shot of pain to my wounds. And who could ask for anymore than that? I shall hang my bauble immediately. It will, indeed, be the only decoration I have this year (doctor's said I'm not to stretch).

That's all. J x

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

And Lo, it came from the East

Well, the North East actually. A mysterious parcel bedecked with all manner of precious metals and precious stones. Well, actually, its in one of those boxes you can buy over the counter at the Post Office. And there's no precious metals or stones (or are there?). I have yet to open this mysterious box signed only as "From The Ts". Which I suppose is slightly less mysterious than having it signed from the ETs...

Anyway not opened it yet as I'm guessing its some sort of winterval gift (how can my spellcheck not know that word? Is there not some "diverse language" button I can click somewhere?). Should it not be such a gift then perhaps someone out there in blog land can advise me what I should do. Should I open the box? Is there anyone out there..... (fades on suitably Twilight Zone music). J x

Free at Last

Well it took a little longer than initially hoped but I'm now back home. I'm still covered with loads of dressings and an oozing drain site but everything looks OK from the operation point of view. I don't however recommend getting stuck on the short stay ward of the Elective Treatment Centre over a weekend. I was the only one in my bay on Saturday and for most of Sunday and there are no TVs. Mobile reception is dodgy because of the proximity to the operating theatres (apparently) and if you have the sort of wound that makes it difficult to move around you'll go stir crazy. God I was bored. And the wound hurts like hell if I move - but I guess that's true of any abdominal wound because you pretty much use your stomach muscles every time you move (as I'm finding out). The morphine helped of course but it wasn't as good as before. Either there are the words "drug seeking" emblazoned on my file somewhere which means they're giving me weaker doses or I'm just over morphine. Either way hospital isn't as much fun as it used to be. And I had some bastard nurses this time. I had to wait an hour and a half for painkillers one day. Not a happy bunny.

So that's dealt with the hospital stay (thank you very much by the way for all your good wishes - they make a huge difference). As to the reason my gall bladder was in a mess the answer is we don't know yet. Obviously I'm hoping its not cancer. It may just have been an infection. Either way we won't know until the histology is returned in a week or two. If its worrying they'll phone me straight away. I have to report to my local GP nurse for a wound check on Friday and then its off to Swansea and Christmas. I'm looking forward to it. No other news at present but now I'm out I'll try and keep you updated regularly. Tha's all. J x

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Last Day...

...with my gall bladder.

Had a Christies appointment this morning. That all went fine and I'm now on 6 monthly call backs. The consultant (a new chap, quite dishy) said that I just have a couple more appointments to go and then I can be "released". I asked him what happens after that and how many people go on to redevelop the cancer. He said that he couldn't put a figure on it but it was less than one per cent. That'll do me nicely I thought.

Aged Ps sont arrivés... No major rows yet though. Still, its early days. They're both well, which is good. Mother is terrified though that she'll end up having to spend Xmas in Manchester because I won't be fit enough to travel before then. I think she's also a little worried by the fact that my telly isn't working properly at the moment so she hasn't got access to Flog It, Cash in the Attic, Bargain Hunt et al. Still, at least she doesn't watch Jeremy Kyle!

Hospital dentist this afternoon which should be fine and then dinner at Fellicinis avec the aforesaid Ageds and Manchester's most famous retired person, DD. I'm then off to DDs to watch Gavin & Stacey whilst the Ageds come back to the flat.

Early start in the morning. Have to check in at MRI at 0700 but Ma & Pa won't come with me as there is little point in them being there before the main event. They can visit in the afternoon/evening and then they'll pick me up Saturday morning to bring me home.

As ever I will try to blog from the hospital bed and keep y'all up to date with matters medical. That's all. J x