Sunday Sunday

Quiet day so far. Cleaning, washing & watching The Walking Dead. Also a visit from those intrepid travellers DD and Michele. Wales was apparently fantastic albeit very wet. Off to tonight for dinner T Ev's with DD and my Manchester Mum and Dad. Yum.

Not much else to report really. My Uncle John isn't doing too well at the moment but hopefully he will rally soon.

Life of Pi was a really beautiful film. Especially in 3D. And then it was out for a few VMs with Lesely in the Radisson which was fun. That's all. J x

All Alone

So have woken up this morning all alone. It's a nice feeling for the moment but I suspect the feeling will wear thin once I've worked my way through The Walking Dead box set. Going to the cinema later with Lesley to see Life of Pi. Should be interesting as I have no idea what to expect. I must be one of the few people around to have not read the book. Will see it in 3D as the reviews recommend that.

Saw the Hobbit yesterday in 2D and, whilst I did enjoy it, I found it little underwhelming. Andy Serkis actually stole the show in my opinion. Will maybe go and see it in the 3D, fast frame version to see if that makes a difference.

Also met up with Jane for a coffee in Starbucks (I know, but Caffe Nero had no seats and Starbucks was virtually empty: perhaps a tax boycott is taking place?). Great to see Jane and catch up with work gossip and her personal stuff.

And that's all for now folks. Spoke to DD and it sounds as though she won't be back until Sunday when we're out at Ev's for a mell along with my Manchester Mum & Dad. :-) J x

Clinic Visit

So off to Wythenshawe hospital today with the Ageds to see the lovely Dr Summers. She told it like it is and answered all their questions. She also agreed to write me a "to whom it may concern" letter confirming my less than 12 months diagnosis (some of my pension schemes won't pay out without this letter). Saw Glen there who doesn't appear to be having a brilliant time on chemo (he started his first cycle on exactly the same day as me and so we always have appointments on exactly the same days). Dr Summers won't be upping my chemo dose given the relatively easy time I've had of it on this second cycle. Apparently I'm still on quite a heavy dose and the side effects will get progressively worse without altering the dose. But it also looks like I'll only have the 4 cycles rather than 6.

Also watched Marnie this morning (having had my interest piqued by The Girl last night) and what a great film it is. I've had the DVD for ages and just never got round to watching it. But what a scary person Hitchcock was. Be interesting to see what Anthony Hopkins does with him in the film. And Helen Mirren as his wife.

Am also working through all the episodes of Bleak House with my mother. Superb series and well worth this second visit. Every great British actor one has ever heard of appears to be in it. Apart from Helen Mirren.

Ageds leaving in the morning and Madame doesn't return until Sunday which means I have almost two whole days to myself. Yippee. All this and I'm feeling quite good at the moment. Anything could happen. Watch this space. J x

Trip Out

Took the Ageds to Tatton Park this morning whilst it was dry and relatively sunny. Walked around the gardens for an hour. Not a great deal to see as its the middle of winter but the Japanese garden still looks pretty and peaceful and the fresh air no doubt did me some good. Managed to get lost on the way home as exited by the Knutsford exit which isn't the one I'm used to.

Then it was back for another couple of episodes of Bleak House. The BBC series is just superb. That's all. J x

Xmas TV II

Downton: still the capacity to surprise. I didn't see that coming at all. I still have my shocked face on the following morning.

This may also be due to the fact that have just discovered that Bents doesn't open on Boxing Day. What madness is that? My mother wants to go and now we have no idea what to do today... I'll let you know when we've decided. J x

Xmas TV I

Dr Who. Loved it. One of the best I've seen for a long long while. Like the new companion too. And some really good dialogue. All this plus Richard E grant overacting like only he can. Fabulous.

Also need to mention La Cenerentola which was luscious and gorgeous and beautiful to look at and listen to too.

Just awaiting Downton now. :-) J x

Merry Christmas Fellow Bloggees

As usual, it's been a present-fest here at Lewis towers. Everything from a Christmas T-shirt to a cushion featuring a lumberjack in a onsie by way of woodland themed drinking glasses and theatre tickets. Thank you all for your generosity and your inventiveness. Less kind wishes go to anyone who felt it appropriate to offer me cards/gifts smothered in glitter. It is now everywhere and so I have had to take the unfortunate decision to not wear my new cobalt blue cashmere jumper. Luckily I have a new (machine washable) T-shirt I can wear so not all is lost.

Have just had half a glass of champagne whereas the Ageds are glugging it back like its going out of fashion. Luckily it has been a bit of a booze rich present season for them and so they won't be running out anytime soon. I expect them both to be asleep by 1400.

TV looks a bit rubbish today - Dr Who and Downton apart - so it's lucky that I have 2 seasons of The Walking Dead to watch on DVD. Will probably need Ageds to be asleep before I start watching that though. I'm not sure zombies will be their thing.

Well I hope y'all have a fabulous day and thank you once again for the gifts and kind wishes. Love to you all. J x

The Eve of the Eve

Didn't have a good night. Night sweats and back pain. Otherwise feeling good though. Temperature has stayed down so far which is good and although I shall be going to Sainsburys with my parents today I have been forbidden to get out of the car as apparently supermarkets are awash with bugs and germs. I'm fairly sure it's supermarkets in general and not just supermarkets in Salford that my mother is referring to...

Not much else to report. Michele and DD have arrived safely in West Wales for their Xmas break. Looked the house up on the net and it looks lovely. I suspect it will feel a little overcrowded come Boxing Day when the other 6 arrive though. Hopefully they'll have some decent weather because the house looks out to sea. I'm sure they'll enjoy themselves good weather or not.

The Aged Ps move in with me today for the Xmas period. Hopefully no rows! Although one or two family rows over Xmas are part of the tradition I think :-)

That's all for now. May blog later. Oh, just need to apologise to my Manchester Mum & Dad who point out that they haven't abandoned me even if everyone else has! J x

All Gone

So it's Saturday which means that everyone I know has now gone away for Xmas. Including the Aged Ps (although of course they've "gone away" to Manchester).

Went to Annie's for a meal last night. Very good food but I'm still not convinced they've got the tone quite right for a city centre venue. Some confusing mixed signals in the design IMHO. But it's early days. I'm sure Chris and Jenny will work it out.  Probably overdid it though. 3 hours, 3 courses, 3 martinis.  Not a good idea. Suffered last night because of it but luckily no ill effects today.

That's all for the moment. J x

Second Dose

So I went back to Wythenshawe hospital yesterday for my second week dose of chemo. DD was unavailable (probably on another birthday event) so I was taken by Maggie (my "Manchester Mum" - long story). All went well and I've done OK since then. Looking back on my blog the effects of the second dose started to really kick in from tomorrow so we'll see what tomorrow brings.

The Aged Ps have arrived safely and they called round last night (they're staying in The Midland for a few nights) it was really good to see them. They left about 1900 to go and have a meal at the hotel but talking to them this morning I don't think they particularly enjoyed the food. They will call back here today at 1700 before we all go out for something to eat this evening. I will therefore be spending today conserving my strength. :-) Jim may call round later too and it will be good to catch up with him.

No other news at the moment so I'll sign off and update later if I remember anything. J x

Misleading Television Programme Titles

Am currently watching Channel 5 (yes, really). The programme is Big, Bigger, Biggest. Leaving aside the fact that its perhaps not the programme I was hoping for, it's actually a rather interesting programme about the Panama Canal. But the most interesting thing about it is the fact that all the problems they faced building the canal had been solved in advance by the people building the Manchester Ship and Bridgewater canals. Manchester rocks.

Went to cinema to see Argo earlier. Nearly killed me getting there but journey home was surprisingly easy. Strange how that happens sometimes. I enjoyed the film - based on a true story - but I suspect it will be a little too "American" for some people's tastes. Hobbit clearly showing at AMC so that will likely be a post Xmas/New Year trip (or even more than one).

Week 2 chemo dose tomorrow. The lovely Maggie will be my companion du choix. Thank you darling. Also, Aged Ps arrive late afternoon. Let Xmas begin.... J x

Sorry Missed Yesterday

Nothing to worry about, just a little busy with this and that. This cycle of chemo is going better than the first one still which I'm pleased about. Still got some of the queasiness, bad taste and smell etc but its not as bad as it was last time. Didn't make it out of the house yesterday but did walk as far as the local Sainsburys on Monday - which really knackered me. Will attempt a walk to the AMC cinema this afternoon (going to see Argo) so let's see how that goes. In the meantime I need to start doing some tidying up ready for the arrival of the Aged Ps onThursday.

Also have the second week chemo shot tomorrow and the District Nurses have been this morning to take blood. Maggie is taking me so that will be a new experience. Looking forward to catching up with her. And also feeding back to her on the delicious curry sauce Paul had prepared for me which I used to make a quick and dirty veg curry last night - I was so hungry! But it was really tasty and just spicy enough for me. Indeed my appetite seems to be quite good at the moment so I'm making the most of it and trying to build myself up a bit and catch up on all the weight I've lost up until now.

I must also thank the lovely John & Janice for the really tasty veg soup they made for me. It was gorgeous and really filling. But can I just ask people to hold off on bringing me any more food until after Xmas please? My freezer is full and I shall be eating very well indeed over Xmas as a result. Thank you all.

And that's all for the moment I think. I may update again later following the cinema. Oh, apart from to say well done Toby on passing your rest. I'm really pleased. J x

Now Have App On IPad

First attempt seems to be working. Fingers crossed that normal service will be resumed. Can't see where to add photos yet but early days... :-). J x

Hurrah

After many, many (many) attempts I have finally managed to get onto the blog via my iPad. Maybe I need to download a special ap for it on this device?  I've no idea, I'll try and explore this option today.   I also need to look into syncing iTunes across my different platforms because that doesn't seem to be happening as seamlessly as one might hope from an Apple product either.  Maybe my iPad experts could weigh in on this debate?

Anyway, back to the important stuff: the party. It was a huge success. Venue was fabulous, loads of groovy people turned up and even I lasted 2 hours! Most importantly of all, DD had a brilliant time and looked absolutely beautiful.  Stunning midnight blue dress. There will be a DVD I believe.

In the end I went with the lace shirt which was the right choice because I don't get to wear it that often otherwise. If I ever get syncing done properly I'll post a photo of me and 'er and you can judge for yourselves.

Health wise I'm feeling OK. Tired and that awful taste has started in my mouth. Night sweats still occurring every night but otherwise I'm sleeping well (for which read "a lot"). It doesn't feel as bad this time which could be doctor the lower dose, could be down to the weight of expectations or a bit of both.  And its still early days. Long way to go yet so let's not get too excited.  I'm just taking each day/hour/moment as it comes. And I think that's all for the moment. Will post again (iPad willing) later if anything else occurs.  J x

Tartan or Lace?

Oh the dilemma.  Can't decide which shirt to wear.  Before you all weigh in about age and appropriateness... first of all get a life and second of all these are regular shirts we are talking about one of which has some lace attached to it and one of which has some random bits of tartan sewn onto it.  They're both Comme Des Garçons shirts and so are timeless and yet insanely fashionable, ordinary and yet eye wateringly expensive (but then don't forget I will be wearing the pony coat too - and Fig your lips are still sealed on that I hope you know): ready to wear at haute couture prices.  I've no idea what to do.  Tartan is my "Festival Shirt" and so has been seen by some before - but I love it.  Lace has only ever been worn once before so very few people will have seen it - but does that tell its own story?  Oh I don't know, turn up at the party or read the blog tomorrow to find out how I solve this conundrum.  That's all.  J x

It's Party Time

DD's big do today. Looking forward to it immensely. Am preparing by sleeping a lot. Otherwise feeling not too bad. Which is good but then am on the intense steroid/mega anti-sickness drugs for three days after Chemo 1. So it's all quite clever timing really. Lets hope the lighting tonight is kind (by which I mean low) and I may even look good. Won't outshine Madame though as have seen the outfit and she will look stunning. That's all. Will blog party tales later/tomorrow. J x

The Best Laid Plans

No Xmas cards got written.  Sorry.  But I've made a list (checked it twice) to decide who is getting a card this year so its a start... I did also venture into town to pick up some stamps and had coffee in Annie's with DD, Hilda, Gwen and Theda.  Followed by a martini in Grill on the Alley with DD.  Knackered after all this excitement and then spent the rest of the night putting outfit together for tomorrow and finalising the DD Birthday Party Introductory Mix Tape (I've been awarded the first hour).

Feeling tired today and a little nauseous.  Have managed to get 6 Ensure Pluses down which is good.  Not had any "real food" today though.  Scales this morning suggested I've put on about 4 pounds from my lightest weight which is encouraging.

Off to bed now.  Look at the time!  Night all.  J x

Look at the Time

Woken at this unearthly hour by a second night sweat. Hope this doesn't become a feature. One I can manage but there are only two sides to the bed. After two sweats you have to abandon it and allow everything to air and dry out. I'm afraid stripping the bed every night is just not practical. All that washing - can you imagine?

Feeling OK at the moment but I know from experience that things can change rapidly so I'm making the most of this and using my time to communicate with all you lovely peeps.  Top of my list for today is writing my Christmas cards. I know, I'm late. Apologies if yours arrives next year.  I'll also need to venture out and buy some Xmas stamps. Ooh, maybe I could fit that in with a coffee with someone from work. Get in touch if you'd like an invite. :-).

That's all for now. J x

Cycle 2, Day 1, Part Cinq

Now home safe and sound and feeling OK. Maybe a little tired so off to bed after this.  It was quite a long day again - 10 hours door to door - because of blood test cock- up yesterday. It will get better/shorter.

My thanks as ever go to DD for her help today. Will go through hell and high water to get to her birthday do on Saturday if I can. Got absolutely nothing to wear though apart from, potentially, a nice new cobalt blue cashmere jumper. :-)

And don't listen to that musical peasant Fig. He has the ears of a elf.  He doesn't even like A Chorus Line - one of the all time Broadway greats. Rent is a great musical made more poignant for me at the moment because its all about death (albeit Aids which I haven't got). And if that doesn't guilt- him out then the man has no heart (which I know that he does). Because he lets it out on Sundays...

That's all for tonight. J x

No Room at the Holiday Inn, Oh No.

I love love love the Xmas song in Rent. :-) J x

Cycle 2, Day 1, Part Trois

First bag of chemo just gone up (it's all been anti-sickness this and anti-sickness that until now) but its come straight from the fridge and so is extremely cold. Sister Lesley has therefore just microwaved me a heat pad which I place on my arm. They think of everything don't they... J x

Cycle 2, Day 1, Part Deux

So have arrived at the Xmas song on Rent and now feel suitably uplifted. Rent does that for you every time. Apologies to any minor celebrities out there (and their fans/stalkers) who I may have offended by being somewhat underwhelmed by mere mention of their names. I'm fairly sure that Bonnie Langford has many, many qualities. Like....um.... well, I'm sure there are many of them.

Have also cheered up somewhat because have been shopping for a new jumper - cobalt blue - whilst being poisoned, getting depressed and being disparaging. I know! Multi-tasking or what? :-) J x

Cycle 2, Day 1

Here we go again. I'm hooked up to a bag of poison in Wythenshawe hospital, listening to Rent through my new super-dooper headphones and feeling extremely sorry for myself. Fig,of course, will say that Rent will do that to you every time but equally it can be very uplifting I think. Sister Lesley says that today should be shorter than last time (even though the District Nurses cocked up the blood tests yesterday) which is good news. D D coming back at 1630 to pick me up.

Otherwise I feel fine though. Still getting the night sweats but talked to the doctor this morning and it could be the disease or the cure causing them. Oh well, not to worry then...

Yesterday was good. Managed a haircut, a manicure, a call from my boss and a visit from Lesley. All extremely fun apart from the manicure. I tried the people on Whitworth Street and frankly they're just butchers so I don't recommend them. Nails look OK though. I'm fairly sure my hair is thinning. Cameron, my beautiful, lovely hairdresser doesn't think so but I reckon he's just saying that.

Not much other news. Ma & Pa will extend their Xmas visit one day so that they can attend clinic with me and get a chance to talk directly to my consultant. Which will be good for them. nd that's all for now :-) J x

Madam Expects

Thank you everyone for your offers of help today & tomorrow. I understand that Denise has put the word out that she's out of town for the night and that someone needs to take her place in looking after me.  Well you've all done very well, thank you so much. But I'm OK at the moment.  Have been to the dentist this afternoon(my teeth are fine but keep doing what you're doing - also got free mouthwash and a hug). I love my dentist. He's extraordinarily good looking and rich as Croesus (he's just sold his practice to BUPA). His original intention was to retire when he was 35 and he sold out to BUPA on his 35th birthday which would have given him enough money to retire but he's discovered that he just likes the job too much and so is going to stay on.  I for one am really glad about this.

The walk into town has exhausted me a bit but it did afford me the opportunity of a guided tour of Annie's (I was walking past and Jenny was sat in the window so I called in). I like it and hope to go and test their barman's martini skills soon. Also had the opportunity to see Sara for a coffee at Caffe Nero. She's fine and dandy as ever and has just completed on her new house.

I may have a little nap soon therefore. Feeling good today ( week 3 of my cycle is supposed to be my best - despite a hospital stay this time round).   Tomorrow is a trip to the hairdresser. I'll have it cut quite short so that I don't have to bother too much with it if it starts falling out. And that's all folks. J x

At Home

Spent the entire day at home today. Feeling a bit tired - didn't have a brilliant night, woke up about 0500 absolutely drenched from a night sweat. Not sure what that's all about so will ask the doctors on Thursday.

Have a 7 day antibiotic course to follow but I'm not even sure that's right. The TTOs were authorised by an on-call doctor - it was the weekend yesterday - who seems to have forgotten that I'd been on IV antibiotics already for a few days. But this may be explained by the fact that he appeared not to have looked at my notes at all("no-one told me you couldn't take tablets").   So I'll check that with the doctors on Thursday as well.

Had some bad back pain today but otherwise OK. Spoke to the lovely Madame La T up in bonny Scotland this afternoon. She's fine and sends everyone her love. Also spoke to Toby who has (another) resist tomorrow. Please all wish him good luck.

Need to try and see a dentist before Thursday and also a hairdresser. That's tomorrow's task.

Otherwise I'm fine and dandy. That's all.  J x

Finally

After a long and frustrating day at the hospital - mainly due to NHS ineptitude it has to be said - I was released into the safe custody of Ev who brought me home (thank you darling). Madam, in case you were wondering, was at the footie watching City play the hell out of United and yet losing the game anyway. That's all for tonight. J x

Latest Update

So they sent off my bloods first thing this morning. Only problem is, they hadn't asked for the right tests. So they take more blood this afternoon and ask for the right tests. And my white cell count is now 0.63. Above 0.5. Yay. Only problem now is that it's too late to get my drug TTOs (To Take Out) from the pharmacy. So I'm in for another night. However I should definitely be home tomorrow. Providing the counts stay where they are now. At least the moaning testicle man has been moved from the bed opposite which should allow me to sleep :-) J x

One Minute You're Up, The Next You're Down

So it was all going swimmingly yesterday. POU doctors were here yesterday (the lovely Dr Peck - DD's a big fan, I'm more of a doctor Summers boy).  They seemed happy for me to go home today provided my white blood cell count was above 0.5 (it was 0.42 at the time). So had my blood taken and sent off this morning but the results aren't back yet. But the ward doctors aren't so happy to discharge me. My temperature is currently 37.3 (within the "normal" limits but close to 37.5 when we're supposed to start worrying). So who do we think are the toughest? POU or Doyle Ward doctors? I'll let you know more when I know more. Fingers crossed that POU come out on top though... :-) J x

Update

So, much as I hate hospitals, I don't hate this ward. All the nurses have been very nice (if the usual forgetful - one has to ask for everything 2 or 3 times). I have 2 windows but no pretty views and a 'bay' that is almost like its own room. Was promised a bed on the chemo ward but that hasn't materialised and frankly I don't mind because happy(ish) here. Temperature has stayed down so hopefully monitoring will last only 48 hours. Had a visit from the lovely Ev this afternoon and the lovely Lesley is visiting tonight (not seen her for ages). That's all. J x

Bad News

Following yesterday's good news things took a turn for the worse last night. My temperature spiked above 38 degrees and so they've brought me back into hospital to administer IV antibiotics :-( Hopefully they'll do the trick and I'll be out of here in a couple of days. I hate being in hospital. That's all. I'll update you all as things develop. J x

Good News

Well,, a little positive anyway. At clinic today I had an X ray that, apparently, shows more air getting into my right lung. I have to say that I haven't noticed any physical difference but I'm willing to rely on independent evidence (as a trained tax inspector I can do no less). Will need a scan (after Cycle 3?) I think to make any judgements on effects on the tumours.

Today is my Day 14 so I should expect to start feeling a little better until next Thursday when we start Cycle 2.

Feeling quite hot at the moment so off to get me some paracetamol to cool me down.... Talk soon. J x

Still Feeling OK

Fingers crossed for tonight.... Clinic at Wythenshawe tomorrow. I'll report back. J x

No News Is Bad News

So I didn't have a particularly good day yesterday and then I had an even worse night.  On the bright side though I am having a quite good day today so far.

Was up at the crack of dawn (0700 - honestly, I used to have left the house by this time in the old days) as I had an hospital appointment at MRI. This was just at the oxygen clinic to check everything is OK with the oxygen saturation levels ("sats") in my blood.  At 94% they are on the low side but not worryingly so. They're happy that I'm not using oxygen at the moment and also happy to leave all the equipment with me. Which is a relief. Many thanks to one of my alternative carers (Michele) for picking me up from my appointment this morning. 

Have a clinic appointment in Wythenshawe tomorrow where I will see one of the consultants in charge of my care (not necessarily Dr Yvonne). Carer number one (DD)will be in attendance.

Exciting happenings on the car front.  Denise broke it yesterday but has managed to get it mended for today.  Phew. Only don't tell my father otherwise he'll nag me to get a new one.  According to DD though the guy at the garage said its a great car and we should hang onto it.  So that's what we'll do. :-)

And that's all for now. Feeling good but not getting too blasé about things because the situation can change in an instant. J x

Just Like A Normal Sunday

At least in the sense that it involved a trip to the garden centre. Me and DD traveled to Bents where they have taken the concept of Christmas decoration to the nth degree. The place really has to be seen to be believed. They have everything you could possibly dream of as well as very many things that have undoubtedly featured in some of your nightmares...  And the customers!  One might also believe you had to have at least two children in tow in order to gain entry.  Anyway, we didn't stay too long and I bought some Christmas lights. Incidentally, I don't know if anyone is watching that series by Waldemar someone or other on the Dark Ages?  It's quite fascinating and it turns out that the commonly used "Xmas" has religious derivations and therefore isn't sacrilegious or anything. Who knew?

Anyway, another good day. Hopefully this continues right up until they pump the next large dose of poison into my veins.... That's all for now. J x

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

Had a bit of a temperature scare last night. Spiked to 37.7 (not supposed to go over 37.5). DD, may she live forever, came round though straight from her first birthday event and calmed me down and by the time she left I was back down to 37.4. Today I'm on 36.7 and having one of the best days I've had in I don't know how long.

Obviously that can all go horribly wrong but let's just celebrate the fact that for the moment I am not in pain, my temperature is normal, I don't have any nasty smells or tastes and I'm not feeling nauseous. Oh, and I moved my bowels this morning. Hurrah.

Sara called round earlier as my substitute paper-delivery-person.  Great to see her and catch up because its been a while.  Denise is off to the wild shores of Anglesey this weekend (I was supposed to go too but probably wouldn't have been fit enough) with Ev and Stewart.


Have just had a call from Anglesey. Sounds like all is hunky dory in Wales. :-). J x

Mostly OK

Firstly I want to thank the lovely Bill for taking me to hospital this afternoon. He was a great help and a great companion.  The hernia guy suggested using ibuprofen if I get the hernia pain again. I stopped ibuprofen back when we weren't sure whether the pain was hernia or ulcer related. Given that I got the pain later despite having stopped the ibuprofen suggests it was the former.  Still doesn't explain why it's stopped though but let's just be thankful for small mercies.  He was unable to suggest anything else.

Secondly, I want to thank DD (yet again) for calling round to see me tonight and waiting with me whilst my temperature subsided.  It went up to 37.5 which is a little on the high side but is back on the way down now to 37.4. As she's away this weekend I may call on some of my other supporters for help if it goes back up again.

On the whole I've felt OK today. Which I think augurs quite well for this second week of my cycle. Knowing it won't be as bad as the first week will hopefully give me strength as the cycles go on.

And that's all I've for for now. J x

Short Again

Started day really well, hospital went well now feeling like shit. Hopefully more detail tomorrow. J x

Who Ate All The Raspberries Part Deux

The guilty have relented and replenished my raspberry stock. And given that I'm feeling loads better today I have just eaten a bowlful of raspberries, yoghurt and chocolate torte (via chick with the choc) very nice it was too. Hopefully will not now throw up.

Sorry if I've worried anyone with my posts on the last couple of days but it really hasn't been easy for me.  I've been sleeping a lot (that's been the best bit to be honest) and whenever I've been awake I've just felt dreadful: ill, bad taste in my mouth, foul smell in my nose, aches and pains etc i.e. nothing dramatic but when combined together things that make one feel thoroughly miserable and unwell.  In addition, having stopped the "gold standard" anti-sickness drug and reverted to good old metachlopromide I've had one night where I was up and down trying to be sick but incapable of being so.  On the gold standard, I didn't even have the desire to try.

But luckily this morning I feel like I've turned a corner and I feel a lot "better" today (I'll be interested to hear from my fellow chemo-pals if this chimes with their experience). Hence the appetite. To be honest I think the Ensure Plus diet is going to turn out to be an advantage for the bad periods as it allows for the taking on of quite a lot of calories with minimal effort.  Even so I have lost more weight and am now down to near 11 stone. Hopefully I can use this new period to build myself up a bit.

I'm also feeling very weak and get out of breath quite easily and so need to take things slowly (I have to sit down for 10 minutes even after a shower!). This does make me wonder whether a return to work will ever happen. But that process is all in train and we'll just have to see where we end up.

It's back to the hospital tomorrow for a top-up chemo shot. Please God it doesn't have the same effect as the last one. I'll let you know.

Throughout this all Denise has been my rock and continues to call in and deliver my paper every morning. So frankly, we can forgive a few raspberries.... :-) J x

Sorry Again

Didn't get round to blogging again. Briefly, had a rough night, a better day and a dodgy evening. J x

Not Blogged Today

Not really felt up to it. I'm OK though. Don't worry. Hopefully back tomorrow.... J x

Who Ate All The Rasperries?

Not me, and that's all I have to say on the subject.

Not feeling as good now as I did earlier. And I don't think it's anything to do with poor Lewis crashing out of the final F1 (at least Alonso didn't win).   I just think one tends to feel worse as the day wears on. Also had a visit today from three lovely ladies which was just brilliant although I did get a bit worn out towards the end. I did at least get a run down of most of the incidents at Bryn's wake. And boy were there some incidents... which of course is just as it should be.

Haven't managed to eat any solid food today so I'm having to resort to the laxatives - quite disgusting taste in liquid form but needs must.  On the plus side I haven't needed as many painkillers today as usual so that might help a bit too.

I've also discovered the date my Coronation Street episode airs - it's 14/01/13 so please make a note in your diaries and throw parties and the like. According to my chemo schedule it's slap bang in the middle of a bad week for me so I'm afraid I won't be hosting any premiere parties.  So don't be upset that you haven't had an invitation.

And that's about all for today folks. May go to bed soon or may try and stay up for Homeland. We'll see. J x

I Expected...

... to start this post by saying expect a lot more posting now that I have an iPad. I can't seem to put the thing down. It's fab!  A very wise purchase I think. But I think it doesn't like my blog since it takes me 2 or 3 attempts to get it to allow me to post. No idea why that is. If it doesn't get any worse then I may live with it or I may just have to wait for a visit from my iPad expert to talk of many things. I'm sure he (or his very lovely wife who is also an iPad expert) will have a solution. Come on over guys - pyjamas optional.

Feeling a little better so far today than I did yesterday. Still very tired but not quite as "ill" at the moment.  It's an odd feeling to describe but it's a cross between a stomach feeling a little queasy, an odd taste in my mouth and a general sort of malaise.  Also a loss of appetite not helped by the odd taste in my mouth. Even my Ensure Plus didn't taste good yesterday. I did manage a tin of baked beans though, slathered in Lea & Perrins sauce to beat the odd taste in my mouth into submission! This may also help with my other problem - constipation: apologies if any readers get offended by my liberal use of medical terms but this blog has never been intended as a feel good site (at least not only a feel good site - obviously there are times when I do feel good!). Those of you who have been with me from the start - about 6 and a half years ago now - will know what I'm talking about: the infamous "Cancer is a Cunt" post title that caused a bit of a stir. Incidentally, it still is.  But I don't intend using that word again liberally on these pages. But then again who knows how bad this is all going to get. Rest assured I'm not setting out to deliberately offend anyone but then neither am I catering to anyone's sensibilities apart from my own.

Anyway, as I said feeling a bit better today which I'm happy about. Got visits from Denise and Michele to look forward to and, if I'm up to it, maybe a cocktail in The Midland. We'll see.   I'll let you all know how it's going later. Love J x

Chemo Plus Two

Welcome to Day Two everyone. Still feeling very tired. Slept well last night and then fell asleep again on the sofa this morning. Was awoken by the arrival of the delightful Ms Drury (not got a cold) with my Saturday paper. One of the reasons for me buying this iPad was the desire to subscribe to The Times online to make getting hold of the daily paper less of a chore for all involved but now having looked up the reviews in the ap store I'm not so sure it's a good idea. The reviews are dreadful. Perhaps I'll wait until they run an enhancement.

My stomach feels a little "odd" but not been sick yet and am still taking the anti sickness medicine. We'll see. And that's all my news so far folks. May post again later if I feel up to it. J x

Today

So it was Bryn's funeral today so never going to be easy. Denise picked me up in our car at 1200 with Chris and Dave already ensconced in the back.   It was the first time I'd seen them since my diagnosis but today wasn't the day to talk of this.  We picked Jude up on the way and arrived at Michele's at 1230 for drinks prior to following the cortège to the crematorium. I, of course, can't drink for the three days covering my chemotherapy so I took over the driving at this point. (How the hell I'm supposed to keep up my weight with these sort of restrictions is anyone's guess).

Apropos of nothing, Come Dine With Me is on the telly and it's coming from Swansea so it's like a double dose of hell. I've pressed record because I know there's nothing DD or Michele enjoy more than a double dose of Come Dine With Me hell.  One of the contestants has just said "If its good enough for Joan Collins, it's good enough for me". Nuff said.

There were hundreds of people at the crematorium, suitable testimony, were it needed, of how much Bryn was loved.  The thing about Bryn is that if you met him once I don't think you'd like him.  If you met him twice you'd see through the gruff exterior to the really genuine and lovely person he actually was.  Five people spoke about Bryn. Jude was first and had written a poem.  I'll confess here that when I heard that she was to read a poem of her own composition I didn't really know what to expect but she knocked my socks off.  It was funny, meaningful, sincere, genuine and summed Bryn up perfectly. Good on you girl.  Next was Dave, Bryn's business partner and he talked to us about Bryn's business life - most of which I didn't know. Then Gordon, a long time friend of Bryn and brother to Chris who was in the car on the journey, talked about some of Bryn's exploits - again, most of which I hadn't heard about.  And then it was Denise's turn.  Denise had talked through her speech with me a number of times beforehand as she wanted me to take over the delivery if she broke down on the day. She didn't. She was superb - composed, clear, funny and sincere. She delivered her "best man's speech" which worked really well because it allowed her to also talk about Michele as well which everyone there really appreciated I thought. Finally, the humanist minister read out some words that Michele had written which were moving beyond my power to express.

I didn't go to the wake because I was quite tired. Instead I came home and dozed on the sofa until about half an hour ago when I woke up and decided to play with my new iPad. Yay.  J x

Oh Brave New World....

...that has such wondrous devices in it.

With all the usual apologies to Will Shakespeare.  Those of you who read previous post comments before reading new posts will realise this is my second attempt to publish through this new iPad. Luckily, the device now seems to recognise me having first posted a comment in the comments section.  Onwards and upwards.

I'm liking the new iPad so far. It's fast, easy to hold and light enough to carry with you everywhere. Will now have to go and see those lovely people at Orange (or EE as they now seemed to be called) to see how much my non-wifi connection will cost. Hopefully it won't be more then my disability living allowance or we're all in trouble.  This device seems to suffer from the perennial Apple problem of only recognising one press of a double press on a key (such as the double "l" in will). I may be able to do something about this in settings but I'll have to wait until my Apple expert chum Bill visits me to talk of many things to find this out.

I have other news but I'll publish it separately from this technical update..  That's all. J x

Such A Martyr...

... been a tough old (long) day but blogging anyway as I know a lot of you will want to know the details.

So, door to door, it took 11 hours today.  I was actually in Wythenshawe hospital from 0845 until 1830.  The reasons for this long session are (in no particular order) -

*  It was my first visit so there was a lot of background stuff that needed to be covered first.  The Chemo Sister, Lesley, who was looking after me though took her time, wouldn't be rushed and made sure I understood everything she was telling me.  She also checked to make sure I am getting all the support I'm entitled to.  She is a real star.

*  I needed lots of tests done to get a benchmark on Wythenshawe's computers (most tests are currently held at MRI or The Christie - talk about a joined up health service!).  So I had blood tests, an X-ray and an ECG as well as an MRSA swab.  We then needed to wait for the blood test results to come back before we could launch.  In future the District Nurse will do the blood tests the day before I attend Wythenshawe which will save time.

* The "gold standard" anti-sicknes drug they gave me can be done intravenously (remember me and pills?) but of course there was none on site and they needed to track down the drug rep to make sure it was OK to give this to me half way through my treatment (the instructions on the pills say they have to be given a half hour before treatment starts).  It was and they did but it did delay things.

*  One batch of my chemo (no idea how many I had, they hung loads of drips next to me - at least 12 probably) was late coming up from pharmacy so they slipped in an extra dose of fluids.

On the plus side I didn't need a central line (which Bill had to endure in his treatment) so that's a relief.  Its a small, friendly unit with regular staff and customers.  I'm not sure I'd have got that from The Christie.

On the down side, the lovely Debbie doesn't work at Wythenshawe and the X-ray department is miles from the chemotherapy unit.  And my breathing today was atrocious.  Not sure why.  I was probably anxious ahead of the treatment starting (we had to get the X-ray first).  It feels OK now.  Next time I feel like that I'll get a porter and a wheel chair.

On the plus, plus side Denise was, as ever, a star.  She hung around until all my tests had been done and everything had been explained before leaving (not that she wanted to go and she is threatening to stay all day next time but THERE IS NO NEED) and then picked me up when I had finished.  Perfect.

And that's all I think.  I feel tired at the moment but not sick or any of the other side effects.  But its early days yet.  I'm sure it won't be too long before I am once again regaling you with my tales of woe.  :-) J x

Chemo Minus One

That's still happening tomorrow so not much more to say really.  DD and Michele (?) are coming round tonight to watch the football and to help me take my mind off it.  I'll report tomorrow or the day after on how it all went.

But, today's events need telling I guess...

So I turned up at the studios at 1100 as instructed wearing nary a logo (its a rule apparently) and a winter coat.  I was met by Jude from the costume department (for those of you who don't know Jude, she is the one who - with Jenny - arranged this gig for me and also did the tour for us the other week - a lovely lady).  Jude introduced me to my directors - "Woody" and "Richard III" (the second director apparently sits in an office somewhere).  Jude put me in the hands of two of her colleagues who took me down to the set where I waited whilst the scene before mine was filmed.  And then came my big moment.  I was taken onto set by Richard and sat at a table in Roy's Rolls with another extra and given a cup of cold tea to drink.  After a few minutes Richard moved me to a stool towards the entrance to the cafe so that I would get my face filmed (how kind was that?).  Unfortunately the first stool I sat on I broke (oops) and so settled a little more gingerly on the second one and commenced to read my copy of the Weatherfield Gazette.  We had three or four run throughs of the scene where all the actors (apart from Jenny!) forgot their lines and quite a few of them came out with most un-Coraonation-Street-like language.  We then did three real takes which was so exciting.  I can't believe how much I enjoyed the whole experience.  Those of you who know me well know that I am normally quite unfazed by stardom but I confess I was a little starstruck by the whole thing.  Jenny, of course, was an absolute dream and made me feel right at home.  I don't think it would be fair to relate what was happening in the story as this would spoil things for some readers but the characters involved in my scene were Fizz, Hayley, Roy, Audrey & Norris.  And its actually quite a funny scene.

For those of you who need all the details whilst I was not wearing any logos the suppliers of my costume for today's filming were Messrs Burberry, Hermes, Nicole Fahri, Thom Browne, Rolex and Topman.  Bet they've never had that combination on Corrie before!

At the end of filming Woody said quite loudly "thanks for that Jonathan" and the entire cast and crew gave me a round of applause.  I was so touched that Jude and Jenny had gone to so much trouble.  Its really made my day and took my mind off tomorrow.

I've no idea yet when this will air but Jude is going to find out for me and one I know, you'll know.  :-)  That's all.  Wish me luck for tomorrow.  J x

Chemo MinusTwo

Two days to go before it all kicks off.  Today was spent very pleasantly meeting Jane for coffee this morning and then going to see Skyfall with Gill this evening.  Great to see Jane as not seen her for a while.  She was rather shocked by how much weight I had lost and the fact that I had no colour in my face when I arrived at the coffee shop.  She isn't the first to comment on this but it seems all the blood drains from my face when I walk into town.  I still find it difficult - more difficult I think than it was a couple of weeks ago.  Hopefully the chemo will help with this.  Caught a taxi home.

Not seen Gill for absolutely ages as she has been ill of late (colds and possible chest infections) but is better now.  Luckily she picked me up in the car to take me to the cinema and then dropped me back so I didn't need to walk anywhere :-).  Skyfall is a good Bond film.  All the requisite car chases and explosions and Daniel looks gorgeous.  Nothing much to distinguish it from the other Bond films though although the suggestion that Bond has had homosexual experiences in his past was a surprise as, indeed, was the ending.  And Javier Bardem is a superb Bond villain.

Big day tomorrow - take up duty as an extra on Coronation Street. Its only one scene though (and no lines) but I'll let you all know when its due to air so that you can tune in.  Hopefully it will take my mind off Thursday.  I'l post after that to let you know how it went.

That's all for now.  Night.  J x

Monday Monday

Busy day already - phonecall from my boss followed by Denise dropping my paper off (bless her) and having a coffee then off to Sainsburys to stock up on water and beer.  That was quite challenging and I had to sit down for a bit half way round.  Then a visit from the ever adorable Maggie and the ever adorable Paul this afternoon for an hour.  Paul, as ever, came bearing gifts - 2 portions of mushroom soup, one of which I shall be consuming this evening.  Yum.

Quiet night from here on in.  The Ageds have arrived in London to visit my Mum's sister and her husband for a couple of days.  She has had a stroke you may recall and he has cancer but they are coping admirably with the situation.

Denise was round last night to catch up on some recorded TV programmes - The Hour, Gran Hotel (that's in the original Spanish) and Countryfile (we fast forwarded through the inevitable calendar selling bit - why do they do it every week?).  And that's the last I shall see of Denise until Thursday.  She's taking some time off to recover and well deserved it is too. I wish her joy of it.

No other news at the mo.  Still feeling a little anxious but less so than I was which is a relief.  Catch y'all later... J x

Bit Anxious

Don't know why, but now I have a date for the chemotherapy to start I'm a bit more anxious. I'm not looking forward to any side effects.  I remember that going through the radiotherapy last time was hell at times but at least that had the potential outcome of a cure.  This time we could be talking about, at best, a couple of extra months.  I probably won't think it worth those couple of extra months if the side effects are severe.  But nothing ventured... lets see how it goes and I can always decide to stop half way through the treatment if I want to.

Went to The Moon Under Water yesterday (yes, I must be ill) for the Manchester trainees' promotion party.  Dreadful venue and I was a bit overwhelmed by the number of people there and so didn't stay too long.  Learned that my three all got promotion too so am dead chuffed about that:  well done, Richard, Liam & Julie.  Hopefully I will see Liam on Sunday and can congratulate him in person.

Out with Denise and Michele tonight for cocktails and a meal.  Looking forward to that as we're going to Don Giovanni's and neither Michele nor I have been there before.  Cocktails at The Midland are always good on a Saturday night too as there is normally a chivvy wedding or two to observe.  :-)

Ma & Pa are fine and will be spending Christmas with me here in Manchester as the dates mean I will be in one of my "bad weeks".  That should be an interesting experience as we've never spent Christmas away from Swansea before.

That's all I can think of for the moment.  Will update more as it occurs to me... J x

Information

FYI -

Spent a very pleasant (!) 2 and a half hours at The Christie today.  I learned that my chemotherapy starts on 22/11/12 at Wythenshawe hospital.  Given this experience at The Christie I am pleased to be able to have the choice of opting for Wythenshawe for my treatment (although of course I am gutted that the very lovely Debbie won't be in charge of me - at least officially, I will of course continue to bow to everything she says generally speaking).  It will not be possible for me to take part in the clinical trial I was offered (its a tablet only regime and I can't swallow tablets).  So, having digested that information we can deduce the following -

1.  The chemotherapy will end on either 07/02/13 or 21/03/13 depending on whether I have 4 or 6 cycles.  This will depend in turn on how effective the treatment is and how it affects me.

2.  I know the dates when I will be particularly vulnerable to infection (essentially days 8 - 14 of each cycle).  If I refuse to meet up with people on certain dates it is likely that I will be on a day 8 to 14.  Please don't be offended.

3.  I know the dates when I am likely to be feeling at my best (comparatively).  If you'd like to know when these are then work it out from Day One for each 3 week cycle - the best days are 15 to 21.

4.  I am a bit scared by the whole thing.  How many side effects am I likely to have?  Will it all be a complete waste of time?  Will there be much additional pain?  Will I lose all my hair (to be fair this is finely balanced against the possibility of wearing a huge beehive wig - Mrs T will know what I'm talking about here)?

5.  I will be able to attend Bryn's funeral (which takes place on 23/11/12).  I'm really pleased I'll be able to do this.

6.  I will be able to make my television debut (watch this space for further details in due course).  Not sure how pleased I am about this though.

And that's your lot for this post.  More updates soon... J x

Drain Away

Had my drain out this afternoon.  Took about half an hour at Wythenshawe hospital and was an extremely painful experience despite the fact that I was given a local anaesthetic.  I could not believe how much tubing was actually in my lung.  There must have been about 9 inches.  Indeed the tubing inside me was longer than the tubing on the outside of my body.  And because there was so little fluid in my lung space the tube had attached itself in a number of places and had to be pulled free.  Not at all pleasant.

I now feel much better though.  I've been told to take lots of painkillers (yay) and take it easy this evening (double yay) so that is what I'm doing.  Thanks to Lesley for driving me there and back and looking after me. :-)

Experienced some hernia pain last night (which went away by about 0230) which is a little worrying but I still have my appointment with the hernia guy arranged for 30/11 so I may go along to that anyway and see what I can do about the pain short of an operation (which I can't have whilst undergoing chemotherapy).

Have an appointment at The Christie tomorrow (although I'm not terribly sure why - I'll let you know afterwards!).  Looks like I will get my chemotherapy at Wythenshawe which I'm quite pleased about apart from the fact that I won't get to see the lovely Debbie on each visit.  Met up with her briefly last week and it was fantastic to see her, gorgeous as ever, with a new hair colour.  Wythenshawe has quite a small chemotherapy unit which should make it all a lot more personal and I still get to see Dr Summers.  I'l let you have more details when I have them.

Off to watch the series finale of The Paradise now (trash television but its about shopping!) so that's all.  J x

RIP Bryn

I am so sorry to have to be the bearer of this news but my friend Bryn died in the early hours of Saturday morning.  He passed away peacefully in his sleep, pain free and with his partner and love of his life Michele at his side.

Bryn was one of the funniest, driest, most sarcastic, grumpiest, loyal, dedicated people I know.  He was also one of the cleverest.  If you ever entered a pub quiz then it was Bryn you wanted on your side as it almost certainly guaranteed a win.  He loved his work and he loved his home life. He loved Michele and the girls and he loved his friends.  He was a rock on which you could rely.  I will miss him greatly.

Towards the end Bryn knew his time was severely limited and I last saw him late on Friday night and we therefore had a chance to say goodbye.  I am so grateful for that.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  What on earth do you say?  Luckily Bryn made it easier by being honest and genuine and unafraid and unembarrassed to say what he wanted to say.  He also made it clear that he was ready to go, didn't want to hang around just being ill but wanted to go peacefully and free from pain.  Luckily that is what happened.

Obviously it has made me think about what I want to do when the end comes but now is not the time to go into that.  Today is a time to celebrate Bryn and his life and how he impacted on me (and you).  Please feel free to leave any thoughts and/or anecdotes you want to as a comment.  I'll update with details of funeral arrangements when I have them and I'll update you on my latest news later.  RIP Bryn.  We love you.  J x

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?

Big fan of Dr Summers.  Like her a lot.  She is very approachable, understandable (not too much jargon) and gives you the information you need to make decisions.  She also spent about an hour with us yesterday talking through everything.

I'm not sure we learned anything particularly new yesterday but she was able to fill in a lot of the background detail that hadn't been filled in before and to answer our questions where we had them now but hadn't thought of them before.

For instance, I shouldn't drink alcohol on the day of treatment nor the day afterwards but otherwise could drink as normal.  Yay.  The treatment has "positive results" (which covers the range from the tumours actually shrinking to "no change" i.e. the tumours haven't actually grown) in about 50% of cases. The seems to me fairly good odds and enough to convince me that I should at least start the treatment.  I can receive treatment either at The Christie or at Wythenshawe.  Not made up my mind on this yet.

Starting the treatment means committing to at least the first three Cycles since no changes would be expected to be evident before this point anyway. Week One (of the three week Cycle) will have a full day in hospital (8 hours) followed by a one to two hour visit in Week Two.  Week Three is free.  Days 8 -14 are the days that my immune system will be at its weakest and so I may have to restrict access during this period.

There are lists and lists of side-effects but I don't think everyone gets them all and some people get none.  From memory, last time I had cisplatin I was quite sick (so will get anti-sickness stuff up front) and had some abdominal pain (that sounds familiar).  But I don't remember anything else.  And this time I will be having two drugs - cisplatin and something else whose name I've forgotten so things might be different this time round.

I wil be having blood tests all the time and scans from time to time to monitor how the treatment is progressing.  I'll let you know what that shows.

Apparently I am "young & fit" (no, I didn't know either) which means that I could expect to be at the top end of ranges (i.e. potentially more than 12 months prognosis) but since there's no way of telling how I will respond to treatment (if at all) no promises are made.  She advised me to start thinking about how and where I want to spend the end of my life so that any arrangements can be made in good time and any necessary research (e.g. on hospices) can be carried out.  I'm thinking though that I would like to be in a hospice as I get towards the end as they will have all the necessary drugs and facilities to make things as easy and painless as possible.

I will also need to get a flu jab (arranged for tomorrow) and have my pleural catheter removed (arranged for next Tuesday).

And that's all I've got for you for the moment.  Looking forward to seeing the lovely Sarah from Leeds later on for a drink.  Will report back on news from over t'Pennines tomorrow.  J x

O Manchester...

.... you're bloody freezing.  God its cold up North.  Anyway, home safe.  Not much more to report.  Will update following oncologist visit tomorrow.  J x

O Glorious Day

Absolutely beautiful day in South Wales today.  Wall to wall sunshine.  So of course it was straight in the car and off to the National Botanic Gardens.  They were as fabulous as ever but now with the addition of an "installation" of tree roots from trees originally growing in Ghana - trees such as Mahogany for instance.  They are absolutely enormous.  And so beautiful too.  They were brought to the UK by an artist making a point about tree clearances in Africa and have toured the country (including Trafalgar Square) before finding a final resting place at the Botanic Gardens.  Lunch wasn't as good as normal though because the main restaurant is undergoing a refurbishment and so we had to eat in the smaller cafe.  But otherwise another lovely outing.  Then it was back to the homestead to watch Andy Murray (fair's fair I watched the Grand Prix yesterday) and Antiques Road Trip.  Quiet night in now before trip home to Manchester tomorrow.  And that's all to report really.  Hope you are all well out there in blog land and I will blog either tomorrow or Wednesday (when I will have seen Dr Summers - and the lovely Debbie - and so will know something of my proposed treatment regime).  I just hope someone turns these bloody fireworks off soon... J x

Sick

So, am back in Wales and certainly arrived with a fanfare.  After about 6 hours of being home I proceeded to embark on a 2 hour long vomit-a-thon.  Not pleasant, let me tell you.  Particularly since it also meant I couldn't take any painkillers.  Finally got to bed about 0100 in the morning but then did at least pretty much sleep through until 0800.  My throat was terribly raw feeling this morning though but luckily Ensure Plus seemed to coat it nicely and calm everything down.

No idea what caused the sickness but it was probably the long drive down to Wales.  The real down side of course was that we had to abandon our trip to the National Botanic Garden of Wales scheduled for today.  Hopefully we'll still be able to go tomorrow.  On the plus side it afforded me the opportunity to watch the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix and what an exciting race it was.  Luckily Alonso didn't win (don't like him) and Vettel managed to make up 21 places after starting from the pit lane.  Not particularly a fan of Vettel either but realistically he is the only one who can stop Alonso winning the championship.

Nothing else to report really.  Both Aged Ps are fine.  So I'll report more tomorrow.  J x

Apologies...

... for no posting yesterday but I was ministering to the needs of Madame La T.  Both before her arrival - washing floors, dusting, making beds etc - and once she was here - entertaining her, running round with plates of sweetmeats, laughing at her jokes etc.  None of this is true of course, her jokes aren't that funny!  And talking of jokes (and here's another first  believe) -

Barman talking - "We had a guy in here last night that was completely bladdered.  In the end he was causing so much trouble that I had to throw him out.  He was that actor guy, the one who plays the baddie in the new Bond Film.

Customer - "Javier Bardem?"

Barman - "No, I'll let him in again as soon as he's sobered up"

Boom.  Boom.

Who knows?  Perhaps it will be religion next. God forbid.

So, it was lovely to see Mrs T again.  I can report that she is as lovely as ever.  We laughed, we cried, we drank coffee and booze and we ate Indian food.  We watched both Golden Girls and a couple of episodes of Antique Roadtrip which is still on series record following my mother's visit.  DD joined us for some food.

I'm afraid the news from Wythenshawe Hospital is a little worrying.  Bryn seems to be getting worse and at one point the doctors were talking about transferring him to intensive care.  I'm pleased to report that he rallied later and that this no longer on the cards.  However, he is quite ill and that is worrying for all of us, particularly Bryn & Michele themselves.  My thoughts and my heart go out to them both and I'm sure you will all send your love and best wishes too.  I'll keep you updated on progress as I get the news.

For myself, I now have a date to see the Christie oncologist - next Wednesday - when she will discuss my chemotherapy treatment with me.  I'll then make the decision as to whether I wish to go ahead with it or not.  I've also managed to speak to the Wythenshawe lung cancer nurse specialists about removing my Pleural Catheter but unfortunately, the nurse who will be responsible for doing it isn't back at her desk (bed?) until Tuesday. That actually fits with my timetable because...

...I'll be going down to Wales tomorrow and coming back to Manchester on Tuesday ready for my Christie appointment on Wednesday.  Its all go, I tell you.

Meeting the lovely Patricia for cocktails at 1600 today and then its DD and Lesley for food tonight which will be nice.  And that's all I have to report at the moment.  The next posting will probably be made from the land of the bi-lingual signs so see you on the other side of the Severn Bridge.  J x

Ooooooh, Political

OK, this is a first.  I am now using this blog to ask you a favour.  There is a campaign to have Alan Turing on the next set of bank notes issued.  I would like to see that and, if you would like to see that too, you can sign a petition to bring this about by logging onto this link:

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/31659?utm_source=LGF+weekly+bulletin&utm_campaign=845a714f24-Weekly_Bulletin_10_30_2012&utm_medium=email

It only takes a couple of minutes.  We need 100,000 signatures to get the proposal considered by the Treasury and the current count stand at over 25,000.  So every vote counts.  Thanks.  J x

One Step Forward...

... so had a rubbish night last night.  No idea why because there was no one site of any pain but rather a number of random aches and pains that woke me up all through the night.  Its not as though I did anything particularly different yesterday - ooh, apart from the hoovering.  Could this be my body rejecting domestic duties?  I do hope so!  Nevertheless I need to press on with more cleaning today as the day of arrival of Madame La T draws ever nearer.

Denise called in last night after visiting Bryn in hospital.  He's still in a very bad way on oxygen and intravenous drips but his mood seemed to have improved a little.  But as I know only too well, mood swings are a common occurrence in hospital and a lot depends on whether you manage to get any sleep.  He is being moved to a bed nearer the nurses' station so they can keep a better eye on him.

Off for coffee with the lovely Jane and the lovely chick with the choc at 1700, so something to look forward to after all that cleaning.  :-)  That's all for now.  Maybe post again a little later.  J x

To Dust or Not To Dust...

... not really a question, more of an imperative.  Madame La T arrives on Thursday and we know how demanding she can be with those white gloves of hers.

Slept really well last night (in bed again).  Truth be told I was quite knackered from my little outing yesterday.  My walk only lasted about half an hour yet was tiring.  I am most definitely not suggesting that lunch with my management colleagues was what knackered me!

Am frustrated now by not knowing when my chemotherapy will start.  And I feel guilty on the days when I feel OK that I'm not in work.  But given the up and down nature of how I feel I don't think it would be practical to go back at the moment and I'm probably better waiting for the chemo to be done and dusted first anyway.  Hopefully it won't be too long.

Given my weight loss I have had to purchase new jeans.  Those lovely people at Burberry are sending me two pairs as I type.  I'm tracking them online and they left London yesterday and travelled to Gateshead then to Preston and finally to Manchester overnight.  Apparently  they were dispatched for delivery at 0517 this morning but they're not here yet.  Going out with DD later to Platt Fields (she insists on me getting some exercise) and I'd like to wear them then.  So hurry up Burberry-people.

As news comes in today I'll keep you updated.  That's all.  J x

2 Quick Thank Yous

Had two cards today, both of which brought a smile to my face so thought I would share them -

The first from Kate says: When life gives you lemons... grab tequila and salt".  If no one else appreciates this, Fig will.  We spent many a happy night on tequila, lemons and salt.  Not sure how my dry husk of a mouth would react to that these days but I'd love to give it a go.  So when you're up or I'm down Fig, that's what we'll be doing.  :-)  Thank you Kate.

The second, from those adorable people, Maggie & Paul says: Everything happens for a reason... usually its because life sucks.  Be strong".  Fabulous.  But possibly not true as things generally don't happen for a reason (discuss!).  Thank you M&P.

Just back from lunch with Chris, Daniel, Lisa and Ronda.  Very nice too and great to see them and catch up.  Felt so good after that in fact that I went for a quick stroll around town.  Decided against walking all the way in to the Arndale to buy my iPad which was probably the right decision but I need to do that soon.  Hopefully before I go home to Wales.  May go and buy it in John Lewis instead.  Can always find out how to use to from a) online, b) people who already have one, c) trial and error.  You get a longer guarantee from John Lewis too although given my circumstances this probably won't be a significant factor in my choice (some gallows humour there for those of you who, like myself, enjoy that sort of thing).

And now this has turned into a full blown posting.  Oh well, what the hell.  Not heard from any hospitals today.  I'm guessing I'll get a letter from The Christie tomorrow or the day after for my initial appointment with Dr Yvonne Summers (does anyone else think she sounds like she should be in Holby City or one of those American hospital dramas?).  I'll let you know what she's actually like once I've met her.  Hopefully she's nice (and most people at The Christie are - just look at the lovely Debbie).

So that's all for today.  Looking forward to seeing Lesley (and possibly DD) later and hopefully hearing some news from B&M.  Ciao bambinos.... J x

Up and Down

So a bit of a mixed bag yesterday.  Original plan had been to go to John Lewis for some new pillows (desperately needed) and then do my supermarket shopping in the Sainsburys next door. However, had a bit of a funny turn in JL and had to find the furniture department so that I could sit down for 5 minutes.  It was an odd sensation, some pain but mostly just a feeling of being "unwell" without too many specifics attached to that.  Managed to buy my pillows though and decided to give the supermarket a miss.  But then I rallied in the car driving home and so went to Sainsburys in Salford instead.  And the rest of the day was a bit like that too - unwell one minute and fine the next.  All sorted by the evening though which allowed for a trouble free viewing of Countryfile and Downton.  Can't believe Downton finishes next week.  What is the cliff hanger likely to be?  Bet it involves poor old Thomas...

Plans for today include lunch with the old management team from Warrington - which will be a great chance to catch up with those who have since moved on.  And then the very fragrant Ms Conroy will be calling in on her way home from work.  Looking forward to catching up with her too.

For those interested in my sleeping habits, I actually managed to sleep in my bed rather than on the sofa last night.  This did not, as I had feared, reintroduce the awful abdominal pain so fingers crossed I can return to a more normal sleep pattern from now on.  Still taking lots of drugs at the moment but at least now they seem to keep the pain at bay during the night.

My thoughts today will be with Bryn & Michele who are still awaiting answers in Wythenshawe hospital and with Gill who is still suffering from a dreadful cold/flu.

May update again later with any work gossip/scandal (should here be any of course).  That's all for now.  J x

A Quiet Weekend

So not much happening really.  Last night was lovely though as Michele is back from New York and we had dinner at Felicinis.  Great to see her and great to hear the Tales of New York and also to receive my present: a book called Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf Goodman.  And don't worry, its not a book about funerals but rather a book about that fabulous shop Bergdorf Goodman - my absolute favourite shop in NY (Karen will remember it as the shop I bought my Issye Miyake jacket in when we were in NY - the shop where the sales assistant, on being asked by us where was good to go on a Saturday night, replied that he "...never went out at weekends as the town was full of tourists at weekends".  An absolutely fabulous put down on a par with "I'm sorry, we don't sell the Dolce & Gabbana diffusion line" - a put down line Fig will remember).  Anyway, I'm half way through the book and love it.  It also came in the most glorious, over-the-top BG packaging and with a glorious BG carrier bag.  Thank you B&M.

No real news to report on Bryn.  He's now spent several nights on various wards in Wythenshawe hospital and the doctors still don't know what's going on.  Whilst this isn't a completely unheard of phenomenon it is really frustrating for those involved.  Get well soon Bryn-lad.

Today had a visit from the loveliness that is Jim (have I told you that the Lesbian and Gay Foundation - where I do my helpline volunteering - sent me a gorgeous bunch of flowers?) and heard tales of all his busyness.  He is the busiest man I know.

Then for a walk in Wythenshawe park with the lovely DD.  Beautiful at this time of the year (the park that is, DD is beautiful all year round). And now a night in when I may well treat myself to the long-denied DVD that is Prometheus.  Might be a bit scary though.  We'll see.

Tomorrow am planning a trip to John Lewis and Sainsburys in Cheadle Hulme and that's it.  Weekend done and dusted.  And then a luncheon date on Monday with the "old" management team from Warrington office. Hurrah.

Am expecting to hear early next week when my treatment is likely to kick off so watch this space bunnies.  And have a good weekend out there in bunny-world.  That's all.  J x

Onc Onc

Why have one oncologist when you can have two?

Saw Dr Burt from The Christie this morning.  Turns out that he's not the one who will be overseeing my chemotherapy.  That's Dr Summers also from The Christie.  If I need any radiotherapy after the chemotherapy then it will be back to Dr Burt.  But since he's the person who attends the MRI multi-disciplinary team meeting I needed to see him first.  We talked at length about how this developed and where we go next (a lot of which has previously been discussed with Dr Bailey and which I'm sure must be in my notes - how many times do I need to tell people I've never worked with asbestos?  Do I look like a fucking builder?).

Some stuff was quite interesting though.  He was at pains to emphasise that the 12-18 months is an average and that some people do worse and some people do better.  Of course he's no clue how I'll do until he sees how I react to the treatment.  In any case I have decided to at least start the treatment and see how it goes.  Apparently I'm likely to be on carboplatin rather than cisplatin.  The former has less side effects than the latter which is good news.

There will be 6 cycles maximum with each cycle taking three weeks.  That of course runs right through Christmas.  Oh joy.

For those of you on the edge of your seats my trip yesterday evening was a tour of the Coronation Street set.  We know a person who works in the wardrobe department and she showed us around everywhere - including watching some filming in the Rovers Return.  V exciting.  Have even been told there may be the possibility of me appearing as an extra at some point in the future. V v exciting.  Watch this space.  Interestingly they are currently filming the Christmas story lines so all the sets have the decorations up at the moment.

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Tonight I'm seeing Michele later to catch up with all the New York tales and the tales of Bryn from Wythenshawe hospital.  Exchanged texts with him this morning and can report he's not a happy bunny as a patient.  I so sympathise with him. :-(

And that's all for now people.  More updates tomorrow hopefully (sorry you didn't get anything yesterday).

The Day After The Bad News

Bizarrely had one of my best night's sleeps for about two months last night.  I put this down to the fact that I prefer certainty to uncertainty (me embrace change?  what ever gave you that idea?) even where that certainty isn't the best outcome possible.  Knowing what I know now effectively allows me to start planning the rest of my life whereas before yesterday I couldn't do that.  To be fair I won't know every last detail of what lies ahead until after I've spoken to the oncologist on Friday (and probably not even then) but it will be enough for me to make plans.  Not sure what those will be yet but should they turn out to be "sit on my sofa and not communicate with anyone in the outside world" then that is what I will do.  Sorry if this upsets you.  Rest assured I will not do anything to deliberately upset anyone but neither will I live the life someone else believes I should live or would want me to live.  This may also include refusing treatment to give me a few extra months.  The quality of my life it what matters to me most now rather than the quantity.

Having said all the above (which really is the worst case scenario) my priorities for my remaining months are likely to include (in no particular order) -

*  Friends
*  Family
*  Cinema
*  Shopping
*  Trees
*  Design
*  Vodka martinis
*  Sorting out my will and funeral details
*  The theatre
*  All 3 Hobbit films (I do hope I have enough time for all 3)
*  My sofa, telly, favourite box sets, PS3
*  Art
*  This blog and you, dear readers
*  Cities

New ones may well occur to me.  I'll keep you posted.

It was suggested to me this week by a very dear friend that I should consider publishing this blog.  A notion I'm not attracted to a) because I don't think its interesting enough for people who don't know me b) I wouldn't want to make money out of it anyway and c) knowing it was going to be published would change the way I wrote it (which may or may not be a bad thing!).  Anyway, I won't be looking into that but would rather leave the blog online and as a memorial to my life and friends.  I'm not sure how long Blogger.com keep these things online.  Presumably if there's been a long period of inactivity they remove the blog?  I should maybe look into that and task someone with logging on once a year so it remains in place?  I'll have a think about that.  Or maybe I would need to set up my own web address to keep it going?  If anyone knows the answer to these questions then please let me know.

Today was a good day though.  Went to the Trough of Bowland with DD to look at the trees which are magnificent at this time of year.  We had lunch at an Inn whose name I've forgotten but which has a set of stepping stones at the back across a wide (but shallow) river.  And yes, of course I walked across them and back again because I'm a boy.  DD didn't because she isn't (and was in heels).  Lunch was lovely and then it was back into Manchester to meet a team member, his wife and child - the very adorable William who is 18 months old and just a delight.  Eventually got home at 1800, exhausted.  Have taken things easy this evening.

Heard from Michele this evening.  They're back from New York but Bryn hasn't been well and has, in fact, been taken into Wythenshawe hospital because he was having breathing difficulties.  I'm fairly sure this is down to the excitement and pace of life in NY and the pressurised cabin plus jet lag on the way home and that he'll make a rapid recovery.  Fingers crossed for him everyone please.  But at least if I'm going to visit I know my way there...!

And that's all I've got for you at the moment bunnies.  Quiet day tomorrow followed by a secret trip out tomorrow evening which I can't tell you about until I've been.  Watch this space... :-)  J x

Sorry, But Its Bad News

Saw Dr Bailey this afternoon to get the results of the PET scan.  Unfortunately this shows that the cancer has spread outside my right lung.  The "hotspots" that show up are -

* One of the glands just outside my right lung
* The lining of the pleura (this, you may recall is where we got all the "negative" biopsy results - but that may be down to sampling error on account of all the fluid that was present).
* My left lung
* My hip bones

A rather bizarre list of places (particularly the hip) but there you go.  This means that surgery and cure are no longer on the table.  We revert instead to the original prognosis of 12-18 months.  Upsetting in its own way but I at least have some certainty now and can plan what time I have left accordingly.  I know it sounds odd but I prefer this to the uncertainty I had before with things dragging on from week to week.  To be honest it had all started to get me down a bit.

I will now see the oncologist, Dr Burt, on Friday to discuss palliative treatment options.  This, realistically, is likely to just be chemotherapy.  Before deciding whether to go ahead with this I will want to find out how much extra time its likely to buy me, what the side effects are likely to be in terms of pain, debilitation, my hair (I don't have a lot but I like what I've got!) etc.  I can then make decisions.  I can also, if I wish, start treatment, see how it goes and then give it up if I want to.  But that's likely to prove problematic for the people around me so it may be better to just decide one way or the other from the outset.

My main goal in all this will be quality of life rather than quantity.  I'm not going to cling onto life by my fingernails in the hope of that miracle sure just around the corner.  I hope everyone will be able to respect my wishes and support me in my choices even if its not what they would do given the same circumstances.

I know this news will be upsetting for a lot of you.  Bizarrely, probably more upsetting than it is for me.  It may be that it will take time to sink in and I will feel more upset than I do right now.  Maybe I'm in shock but it doesn't feel like that to me.  I now know what I know and for me that is better than not knowing. So if I have 12 months left then I will try and spend that 12 months doing the things I want to do (which is unlikely to include travelling the world) in my own quiet way and just enjoying myself with the ones I love.

I don't want to get overly dramatic here but its difficult when one is discussing life and death stuff not to sound melodramatic.  I want to thank you all for the help and support I've had over the years because you've made a huge difference to my life and  I hope you can make as much of a difference to my death too by continuing to help and support me. I feel fairly confident that you will but I just wanted to make sure you all realised how thankful I am to have such a great bunch of friends looking out for me.  A poor Welsh gay boy couldn't ask for any more.  Thanks.

I will, of course, be updating this daily and particularly on Friday once I know what my options are. That's all bunnies.  J x

Oh, except P.S.  What the fuck is it with Brighton?  I've been trying to text Fig & Karen with the above news before publishing it here but the messages won't get through.  Every other bugger around the country received their's OK but not you two.  So sorry if this is the first you're hearing about this.

Not Much To Report

Been a quiet day.  Luckily largely pain-free (as was last night).  Had a few hours sleep and dozed on and off in between.  Fingers crossed for tonight and then results of the PET scan tomorrow.  Will text and blog as soon as I can once I have any results.

Met up with Anne and Denise for a vodka martini tonight.  Once again had to teach the barman how to make them.  We had a long (long) discussion about religion.  It seems to be the only thing people want to talk to me about these days.  But lovely to see Anne again.

Not sure what's going on with Panorama tonight.  Originally in the schedules for 2030 it didn't appear at that time and on the news they've just referred to it as being aired "shortly".  Bet there's lawyers involved in all this somewhere...  Oooh, just said its on at 1035.  Same time as Newsnight. Interesting scheduling.  Required viewing I think but will end up flicking back and forth between the two...  That's all for now bunnies.  Be in touch tomorrow.  J x

Sleep(ish)

Despite being completely exhausted I only managed 2 hours or so sleep last night.  But on the plus side I wasn't in any pain particularly and did doze on and off throughout the rest of the night.  I also managed to fall asleep when I was supposed to be meeting Denise in the morning and so was late for that!

Did eventually meet up with DD though and we went for a walk in Whitworth park (some really lovely, mature - over 100 years old -  trees but the park itself isn't really big enough).  We then had coffee in the art gallery and then off to Sainsburys for a big shop.  Was able to park in the disabled parking spaces as my blue badge has now arrived but I can't tell you how guilty it made me feel.  When walking to and from the car I almost felt like I should be limping or something just so people could see I was ill!

Then Maggie and Paul have been around this afternoon.  I love them.  They are such generous and genuine people.  And they make me food.  To be fair to Maggie, she is quite upfront about why they are so nice to me - she wants me to leave her my coffee table in her will... But I now have some spicy parsnip soup and some broccoli and stilton soup in my freezer.  Yum.

I also need to mention the very lovely chick with the choc as she has done it again and made me another chocolate torte.  I shall approach this one with more caution (maybe wear a helmet or something?) and hopefully not make myself ill!  I will freeze some of it so that I can spread out my culinary pleasure.  Ev has also retaliated against Denise's plan to make me a buddhist by buying me a rosary (which I'm wearing as I type).  Never mind the Middle East, religious warfare has broken out in City South... :-)  Should anyone wish to buy me a copy of the Koran or theTorah, then go ahead.  Lets really mix this up...

And that's all for now.  Except to say that Denise and I watched War Horse on Sky Premiere last night.  It has to be the biggest load of tosh I have ever seen.  Badly written, badly filmed, badly acted and it went on for ever.  Mr Spielberg should be ashamed of himself.  J x

No Fun

So the scan was a bit of an ordeal.  Not because of anything intrinsic to the process - they inject radioactive glucose into your bloodstream and, because you haven't eaten for 6 hours, the body gobbles this up.  Malignant cancer cells are greedier than others and so the scan highlights the radioactive hot spots on your body denoting the spread of the cancer.  Such a simple and elegant approach I think.  But the scan requires one to lie flat on ones back for 20 minutes - and that's when my hernia pain really kicks in.  Originally they had me lying on a bare board but it was unbearable so they had to change this for a softer surface but even so I only just made it.  The fact that the radiographer was counting down the minutes for me was really all that allowed me to endure the pain for the duration.  I cried when it had finished.

The crying was also the result of an almost wholly sleepless night last night too.  I feel a bit better now and, hopefully, tired enough to sleep tonight no matter what.  I'll let you know.

On the plus side my disabled blue badge has arrived and so parking at the hospital was a doddle (and free).  And DD is coming round tonight to watch War Horse.  I don't expect to like it having seen the stage version (quite cleverly done but with a rather thin storyline I seem to recall me thinking at the time).  But who knows, in my tired and emotional state I may end up crying like a girl...  Hey ho.  I'm not too proud to admit I have an emotional side.  And that's all for now my lovers.  See you here tomorrow when I will hopefully be reporting hours and hours of restful, pain-free sleep.  J x

Some News At Last...

... but not the whole story yet.

So the biopsy results are in and they show that the "6cm mass" in my right lung is cancerous.  Further it shows that the cancer is "non-small cell carcinoma" but doesn't show which of the two non-small cell carcinomas it is.  Further, more complicated tests are needed for this and these are being done as we speak.  The good news, such as it is, is that non-small cell isn't as aggressive as small cel cancer.

We also don't know yet whether or how far the cancer has spread.  We believe that it might not have spread to the pleura (all those biopsies were negative if you recall) but even that isn't guaranteed at the moment.  The hope is that the PET scan (you'll have to look it up on Wikipedia - all I know is that I need to report to the Department of Nuclear Medicine to get it done) will show this definitively.  That takes place tomorrow afternoon.  Apparently they carry them out on Saturdays so that if there is a nuclear explosion, less doctors are injured/killed.  I may have made that last bit up.  I'm such a drama queen!

Will see Dr Bailey on Tuesday for the results of the PET scan.  At that point we can talk about treatments and prognosis.  The original prognosis of "months rather than years" was made on the basis that they believed the cancer had already spread to the pleura.  that may still be the case but we don't know for sure at the moment...

And that's all I know bunnies.  As I say, not the whole story but a bit further down the road so let's wait and see what Tuesday brings.

Other than that, managed 4 hours sleep last night which was fantastic.  Feel brilliant today.  That was after 2 vodka martinis though so am now having a vodka to see if I can repeat the experience tonight!  Also went for a walk in Hulme Park with DD this morning (Hulme isn't far from where I live) which was actually rather pleasant. The weather was nice, we didn't get mugged or raped and we had coffee in the Zion Arts Centre.  And tonight is Gardener's World.  The world is looking like quite a good place from where I'm sat at the moment.  Hope your views are as good.  That's all.  J x  

Update

4 hours sleep last night bunnies.  Hurrah.  I am thinking of asking Dr Bailey to prescribe me 2 vodka martinis to be taken before bedtime since alcohol clearly helps. :-)  J x

A Little Better

Last night started out as usual with all the normal pain problems but then, miracle of miracles, it stopped about 0230 and I managed to sleep until 0545.  A whole 2 and a quarter hours of uninterrupted sleep.  That's the most I've had for about a week.  Have tried a bit of dozing subsequently but the phone has been quite busy plus I've walked up to the newsagents to get the paper, done some washing, ironing etc.  Still feel a bit tired but the trip out for a couple of martinis with work colleagues should be just about doable for me.

I used the V shaped pillow but I'm not sure how much it contributed to my restful 2 hours.  Because of my back I had to stuff the space between the arms of the "v" with another pillow to make sure my lower back was properly supported.  This sort of negates the whole idea of the pillow really.  Unless I'm using it wrongly?  There were no instructions...!  But it really was a lovely gesture, thank you Shaz.

Have spoken to Aged Ps this morning and they're doing fine.  And Lesley was as adorable as ever yesterday evening.  The whole "jobs thing" seems to be hotting up so we'll see how that all turns out...

Hope you're all having a lovely day.  That's all for now.  J x

An Adventure

So we went to see the trees in Heaton Park.  Unfortunately we're a couple of weeks too early for them to have changed colour properly yet so whilst there were one or two fine specimens the majority are still green or greenish.  However, we did sit outside and have a cup of coffee (instant, Nescafe, yuck) in the Hidden Gem (they got that half right) garden centre in Heaton Park.  We also walked all the way round the lake.  It was great to wander through trees and hear birdsong.  Also, the big gate thing they moved from Cross Street looks fabulous in its completely out of context park setting.

I'm sad to report that the cunning plan didn't work.  I had the pain as usual last night and only managed to sleep from 2330 to 0200 and then from 0730 to 0830 (I'm now keeping a precise diary).  As an addition to the original cunning plan the lovely Sharon in work is sending me a V shaped pillow to see if it helps.  I'm not sure but will try anything.  Mother thinks the pain may be brought on by inactivity i.e. staying in one position for 2 hours or so.  I'm not so sure as it recurs sometimes through the day too (I'm feeling it as I type).  But in any case the referral to hernia-guy is now in process so there's not a lot to be done for the moment.

The PET scan is now taking place on Saturday (who knew they worked Saturdays?) which will miss my consultation on Friday. Obviously but I'll talk to Dr Bailey this Friday to see whether I need to wait a whole week before we can discuss the results or whether I could see him/talk to him before the following Friday.

The lovely Lesley (accompanied by aforementioned V shaped pillow) is calling round tonight and it will be good to see her as its been absolutely ages...

The plan is to meet up with some colleagues (no idea how many) at Restaurant Bar & Grill tomorrow before they all go off to their union dinner which should be good.  Shame I'm not fit enough for that as its in a curry house and as we all know curry is my new favourite meal.  :-)

Talked to the big boss this morning.  She's not read this blog yet which might explain why I'm still getting paid!  GP has signed me off for another 50 days.

And that's all bumpkins.  More news tomorrow.  Wish me luck with my V shapes tonight... J x

New Regime

So, last night was awful again.  Fell asleep on the sofa eventually around 0400.  The new cunning plan is to a) Use only Ensure Plus for nutrition (this means the pain shouldn't come on during the day) b) Sleep on the sofa at night (this might mean I don't get the pain - or not as badly - at night: I think Nanny is right about the posture thing.  The thing about sleeping propped up in bed is that once asleep you slide down into a flatter position - something that doesn't seem to happen on the sofa). c)  Get re-referred to the hernia guy (Mr Malarkey-Moo - not sure if that is his name but can't really remember - I did this today through my GP). d) Take more morphine (again, the GP has prescribed me a vat of it today).  And so there we are.

DD has been around a couple of times today to make sure I'm doing as I'm told (see above re cunning plan) and Jim is calling in later.  That will be quite enough for one day I think.

Its lonely (but in a strange way quite nice at the moment) to have the flat to myself.  Just the peace and quiet (traffic noise apart) really.  Have spoken to Aged Ps a coupe of times and it sounds as though they're quite glad to be home too.

Need to write to young Pam in Warrington as she has written to me.  I think we should strike up a correspondence.  So much more civilised... :-)

And that's all I can think of for the moment bunnies.  DD taking me out in the car tomorrow to see trees and my boss will be phoning first thing to shout at me some more about still being ill.  I'll catch you up with all that tomorrow.  J x

Worser & Worser

Last night was a bit of a nightmare.  Pain kicked in early - about 2300 and stayed with me until about 0400.  Managed a couple of hours sleep after that but then needed to be up to see the Aged Ps off this morning.  Have decided to try another day without solid food today to see if there's any improvement.  Thank God for Ensure Plus or this really would be awful (assuming its the solid food interfering with my hernia).  Have also made a GP appointment for tomorrow afternoon to see about getting referred back to the hernia specialist.  My feeling is I'll need to have surgery to fix this and I can't continue to hang around whilst they "sort my cancer out".  Will also see GP about additional morphine - hope he doesn't get arsey about it (they can be funny about morphine sometimes: addiction issues and all that).

DD has already looked in on me to check I'm alright despite Aged Ps only having got on their train half an hour ago!  And am meeting a mate from work at 1330 for coffee.  Have decided to limit myself to one visit/meeting per day as otherwise I tend to get over tired which isn't good on top of the pain issues.

But on the bright side, I'm feeling OK now. No pain at the moment and I haven't had any painkillers since 0330 this morning.  No idea how that works.  I used to take more than this before the cancer just for my back...

Anyway, that's all for now.  Hope you are all well and saw that bloke jumping out of the balloon and falling to earth.  Truly staggering TV footage.  Took my breath away.  Good for him.  J x