A Quickie

Off for chemotherapy today. Not back until tomorrow morning. No idea how I'm going to feel (apart from the back pain of course) so I'll update when I can. I would however just like to welcome Soozie and Nanny back to British waters. I know we've all missed their postings whilst they've been off cruising the Med. J x

God I'm a Shit

Am really nervous about the treatment (first session today, more about that later) and in quite a bit of pain on account of inadequate painkillers (more about that later too) and so I take all this out on my parents by being a really surly difficult sod who snaps at everything that's said. Bless them, they take it all in good part but they don't deserve it after everything they've done for me. So I'm apologising in public for being a complete shit to live with today (will alos apologise privately once they're back from their meal).

Treatment was OK today. There's no pain with the actual treatment (apart from the pain of the mask biting into one's forehead) but the pain starts sometime during week 2 apparently. Sore throat. Painfully dry mouth. And burnt skin. Oh joy. On top of all this I'm not supposed to shave so I'll also look awful. But for anyone interested I now have photos taken by my parents of me in the immediate aftermath of the operations. You will need a strong stomach!

On the subject of painkillers they won't let me take ibuprofen for 3 days either side of the chemotherapy and they won't prescribe morphine. So hard luck me I just have to endure. I suppose in the scheme of things two 6 day periods of bad back pain is not the end of the world but I'd rather not have to go through if its all the same to everyone.

Karen came round tonight and caught me up with all the Sussex gossip. I just wish you lot knew the people involved so I could pass it all on..... J x

The Aged P's Est Arrivee

Yeah, I know that's not yer actual French but you get the point. The Aged P's have arrived safe and sound. They arrived to the (not so) gentle drumming of rain on Manchester rooftops. Plus ca change...

Pain has been not too bad today which I think is down, in part, to being fairly active i.e. I walked into town and home again with no break this morning. Then followed a round of (gentle) cleaning and some washing plus a trip to Sainsbury's.

I'm wondering whether I should start these blog entries a la Bridget Jones (that bloody French gets everywhere although I haven't worked out how to do accents and cidillas obviously). I now have a thermometer so I could let you have daily updates on my temperature, my weight (lost 2 stone but nothing shifted since) and how many painkillers I'd consumed. Let me know what you think together with amusing suggestions for other possible daily updates... J x

Not Happy

Codeine, it seems, doesn't help with lower back pain so I'm stuck with the pain until after the chemotherapy (Wednesday). Its also the weekend (and a bank holiday) so unable to contact anyone for any alternative suggestions. Unsurprisingly I'm not in the best of moods (even though Gill kindly took me to 2 garden centres today which was fun). J x

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth

Perhaps those IT bods have known all along what they were talking about. I turned my computer off and then turned it back on again and everything came back. Hurrah!

A quick update then for those of you worried about me. I spoke to Caroline last night and she said that surgery might not be necessary. The main concern was that there was a hole somewhere out of which the screw had fallen. If this was the case then it was a route for infection to get in. The fact that when Sean examined me he couldn't find a hole meant that the original place where the screw came out must have healed (I'm wondering now whether or not the screw was somehow attached to a stitch inside my mouth because those have been coming out when I brush my teeth over the last week or so). The reason for putting me on antibiotics is that there must have been a hole (since the screw did come out) and therefore an infection may already have got in.

If the screw hadn't come out and I'm not having any problems with my jaw (which I'm not so far) then no-one would have known anything about it and no surgery would have been done. If I continue not to have any problems then surgery might not be necessary. Anyway Sean and Dr Slevin (the cancer chappie) are consulting with another consultant (surgical specialist?, no idea) and so we'll have to wait and see.

Off to the cinema this afternoon so will post again later. j x

Hello?

Is anyone else just getting a big pink screen when they look at the blog? if you are presumably you can't see this posting either.... ! j x

Not Nice

Spent an uncomfortable 45 minutes having the final adjustments made to my mould ready for the start of radiotherapy on Tuesday. I hate that thing.

More worryingly had an X-Ray of my jaw (on account of the loose screw incident) which shows that my jaw is not knitting together as ther doctors had hoped following my surgery. This may entail more surgery in the future. Of course this is quite dangerous following radiotherapy but they can't afford to wait to start the radiotherapy. Anyway, they've given me a course of antibiotics to clear up any infection (if that's what is preventing the jaw joining up) and we'll see what the position is after that has run its course.

All in all a depressing day. J x

Can't Wait For BB Tonight

Apparently Shabaz threatens to top himself and then walks out. Personally I would have thought that there was a queue of people lining up (both within and without the house) to help him do it. What an idiot.

And is it me or is Lost better this series than last? There seems to be a lot more happening and a lot more cliff hangers than series one. Was sorely tempted last night to turn straight over to E4 to watch the next episode but realised that I'd just have to stay up later every week from now on in.

Spent some time at the help line this morning helping out with some admin tasks and then went to B & Q this afternoon for some light bulbs and then did some gardening this afternoon. Phew. Christies tomorrow morning for a rest.... J x

Q: What Costs £1.23?

A: A postcard from Marbella with no stamps on! You know who you are. Did you think the Force would get it here all on its own?

P.S. Happy Birthday to the Figster.

J x

A Screw Loose?

Or a loose screw? Was brushing my teeth last night when a small metal screw fell out of my mouth. Spoke to Caroline today and she spoke to Mr Homer (one of the ENT consultants) and he said not to worry although they'll get an X-ray of my jaw when I'm at Christies on Thursday. In the meantime I have to try and make sure that my face doesn't fall off. That's alright then. Off to watch Big Brother & Lost so catch y'all tomorrow. J x

Eating

Not possible I'm afraid so please don't be popping any fruit cake in the post... I'm still having to feed myself via the tube in my tummy (have we all been paying attention?).

Had a phonecall from Christies this afternoon (luckily before my nap) and the start of my radiotherapy has been postponed until tomorrow week i.e. the 30th. This is because they can't fit me in until Thursdday for the final mould adjustments and then there's paperwork that needs to be done after this. And its bank holiday (hooray for all you people still in work, nice excuse for a trip to the garden centre). I'll also be having my chemo on that day too. Aged Ps are now travelling up on the bank holiday Monday.

Big Brother. Are we watching it? Its car crash TV. You hate yourself for doing it but you can't tear yourself away from the awful fascination. Shabaz. What can one say that the rest of the housemates haven't already said? I can't wait to see tomorrow'a instalment (thank god it doesn't clash with Lost). Memo to self, I don't think its too sad discussing evening TV on here but if I ever stray into daytime TV pleasse shoot me. Finally on the subject of TV, Channel 5 has a Star Trek evening on Wednesday. Live long and prosper. J x

Shopping Costs...

... and right here is where I start paying!

Made it into town and then all the way back home again without the aid of any mechanically propelled vehicles. Due to weather though had to wear big overcoat so by the time I got home was hot, sweaty, exhausted and in pain.

Incidentally, talking of lower back pain, there's an article in today's Times that says that taking ibuprofen long term gives one a 30% higher risk of heart disease. That's better odds of course then the 50/50 cancer prognosis. So what to do? Possibly live longer and in pain or keep taking the medicine? No idea of the correct answer to that one. Will have to explore the possibility of other painkillers. I do know that paracetomol isn't sufficient on its own. I have to give up ibuprofen for a bit though whilst having the chemotherapy so they've prescribed me codeine instead. Unfortunately that constipates you. So if if the cancer and the heart failure don't get me I may just explode!

Although the trip into town (3 shirts purchased) sounds heroic I did have a rest stop at Starbucks (had the coffee without a straw this time). Which meant I was able to see the lovely Jane (all summery and floaty and cute) and the lovely Phil (not particularly summery or floaty but cute of course!). By the way Liz, better safe than sorry is all I have to say on the subject. Get thee to a specialist pronto.

Was planning a trip to Sainsbury's this afternoon for more flavoured milk but may have to have a nap instead. This means cleaning out the cupboard may get pushed back a bit (sorry Mum).

So, think I've made up for not posting anything yesterday, but may post again later anyway. Love you all. J x

Eurovision

What can I say? Superb. Destined to go down in the annals as one of the best competitions for years... J x

Who's On The Phone

Am intrigued to know who is reading this blog and then telephoning Karen to find out details of office closures... Is it ship to shore perchance?

Went to Ordsall Hall today with Jim. What a pile of pants that place is. Really, just pants and full of kids If people need details let me know. But then we went to the Lowry Outlet for a coffee and a browse which was very nice. Didn't buy anything (except coffee) though. I think they only sell second hand (or shop lifted)stuff which is why it is all so cheap. And no-one would accept my Harvey Nicks account card...

Not much else happened today. Did some washing. Threw away some dead flowers (yes I did my tongue exercises mum - she's been out for a chinese tonight and so wasn't at home to nag me when I phoned). Didn't need a nap this afternoon. Also took my painkillers in tablet form tonight. So much less hassle...

Night one and all and don't stay up too late ogling the posh totty on BB. J x

Ow Beagle

What an exhausting day. It kicked off at 0900 with me having blood taken and then some sort of radioactive liquid injected into my veins. I then had to have blood taken again 2 hours later and than again 2 hours after that. In between these vampiric episodes I had my head bolted to a table on 2 separate occasions. It really is an unpleasant experience and one that I will have to repeat 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks. I suppose its better than dying though. I finally left Christies at about 1330.

I then had to have a nap by which time it was visiting hours and Cath, Gill and Denise came along.

And then it was time for Big Brother. Loved the house and the rubber furniture and the whole "outside-in" theme going on. But oh my god the contestants. Don't get me started on Shabaz who needs to be killed (or at the very least voted out) at the earliest opportunity. And before everyone (except Jane) gets snooty with me for watching it, its at least better than 13 weeks of football. J x

Now I Know Why I'm Not Back In Work Yet

Walked into town and went to Boots, M & S and Paperchase. Then had to get a taxi home as was exhausted. On top of that when I got home I had to go for a 2 hour nap! Am I old? J x

Don't Listen To The Woman In The Tutu

I most certainly do have a large lump although strictly speaking it is on my neck rather than my face. Was great to see Jane and Gill today. Thank you for the beautiful flowers. Had a more hectic day today (visitors aside) as I hoovered, did some washing and also some gardening. Phew. Then settled down to watch the latest instalment of Lost. Oh my God. Who are the people who stole Michael's son? They're obviously not the people from the back of the plane (and why are half of them missing?). Got to watch next week now.

Venturing into town tomorrow. On my own. Unless you count my lump as a companion. Personally I don't since it doesn't have much to say for itself and refuses to do any of the household chores. I shall be buying myself some yoghurts and some flavoured milk - my current culinary delights! J x

Moving Swiftly On...

...(in case anyone stumbling across this site thinks we're all geeks who can only talk about doctors and flares), how are you all doing? I've had an uneventful day today since the weather has left me disinclined to do anything. Didn't even make it out of my pyjamas today (my mother will have something to say about that I'm sure).

Susie T called round today on her way to Southampton and the Mediterranean. Bon voyage sweetie (to you and Nanny) and don't forget to log on whilst on the boat.

Sorry, hope to have more to report tomorrow. J x

Dr Who

Oh dear. I liked the zeppelins though. J x

So Sad To be All Alone In The World

Well, they've gone. My Mum was still feeling a bit icky this morning but she wanted to go home so that if she got any worse she'd be able to see her own doctor. I'm really pleased that they've gone since they really need a break from looking after me. And I know that I'm self sufficient in feeding myself and controlling any pain (and frankly, what else matters) but I still feel like I've lost my safety net. I'm really grateful for all that they've done over the last few weeks and I really couldn't have had better parents. So this message is just to say "missing you already" and looking forward to seeing you again on the 24th (they're back up for the radiotherapy). J x

One Swallow...

... does a summer make. Young Sean and Frances were over the moon with my swallowing technique yesterday which was very gratifying. YS also told me that the lump on the side of my face should reduce "significantly" which is also good news. Further down the line there may also be cosmetic procedures that can be undertaken to reduce it even further. I don't think anyone is talking about my returning to my pre-op gorgeousness though. But then Cath said something that brought a tear to my eye, she said that people would like my lump because it was part of me (or words to that effect). How nice was that?

Caroline was pleased with my skin graft and I no longer have to wear a dressing on it. I'll probably still put a bandage on it if I go out or when seeing people because its still not very attractive to look at at the moment. I do get to shower now though without a bag on my arm. My trachy scar is, apparently, "over-granulating" which means its healing too much. I didn't think this was possible but I now have some cream to put on it to stop this happening.

One piece of bad news is that my Mum isn't feeling too well. So the Aged Ps have decided to stay on an extra day until she's feeling better. I now get the chance to look after her which is nice.

Jim and Denise tonight so I'll post later and let you know any further news. J x

Darn It

Spent half an hour typing out reams about my day only for the bloody blog site to collapse on me. Too late to do it all again now but rest assured you would have laughed. You would have cried. You may very well have fallen asleep. Will do it tomorrow as will have a lot of time on my hands on account of being ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD. J x

B & Q today....

... and B & Q tomorrow. Life doesn't get much sweeter than this.

Also got young Sean, Frances & Caroline in the afternoon.

Unfortunately the Scottish One had to delay her visit as she was still working at 2030! And I thought "Lean" meant everything got done a lot quicker...

Good Night One And All J x

Report

Spent afternoon at Christies. Had mould made of my head - which wasn't too bad as the mould is made of a plastic mesh so that it was possible to breathe OK. Mould maker was, I suspect, a friend of Dorothy's and therefore an all round good egg.

Have to go back on the 18th to have the mould marked up (so that they know where to direct the radiation), also to have a CT scan and finally for a kidney function test (apparemtly the chemotherapy can affect the kidneys). My radiotherapy proper then starts on the 25th for 6 weeks. The chemotherapy is given in week one and week 4. The chemotherapy apparently makes the radiotherapy side-effects worse but improves the chances of killing any cancer cells so what's a boy to do? Keep smiling and swallow the medicine! (unless my throat becomes too sore for swallowing medicine...).

Ma and Pa (aka Saints Janet & Bill of the Bowling Green) will be going home on Friday for a well deserved rest from being saintly but will be back on their clouds with their harps newly strung in time for the start of the radiotherapy. When reading this please say "hallelujah and pass the box of wine" out loud to thank them.

The wonderful gift of La Gloria wended its way here from Newcastle (via Germany and/or the US I'm not sure which) and I'm as pleased as punch that it did.

Lost. Curiouser and curiouser. What would have happened if he hadn't pressed the button? Anything? Too tired to think about it now (3 visitors tonight and Karen tomorrow - I need to conserve my strength!). And we're off to B & Q in the morning. Yippee. J x

Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God

I have just been sent a signed photo of Gloria Gaynor. Outstanding. Unbelievable. I am (virtually) speechless. Thank you. J x

Ho Hum

Nothing of interest happened today. Had some mushroom soup. Had a postcard from Spain. Did some dusting. All kicks off tomorrow though with visit to Christies in the afternoon for the mask making. Will update you all on that tomorrow. J x

Just Read...

...a book Caroline loaned me by Christine Piff who had cancer back in the 70s. God I just wanted to slap her she was so cheerful about everything (at least she was in the book). To be fair to her she had it much worse than I have (apparently) and so had very little to be cheerful about. But she must have felt down at times, its only natural. She should have put that in her book. There's no point pretending that things are going to be better than they are. That's also something that worries me from reading John Diamond's book. He complained about the "limited disclosure" practised by the doctors i.e. they too were pretending that things were going to be better than they were by not explaining the full implications of all his results to him. Will therefore challenge young Sean when I see him on Thursday just to make sure that I know all I need to know about the future.

Having said all the above, I'm feeling quite happy today (planted up another planter on the terrace - black grass) but not so happy that you'd want to slap me! Good night Seattle. J x

Moby Dick

Went to see it. Wished I hadn't. J x

Who'd Have Thunk It

(Deep breath, roll of drums) Actually made it to the garden centre today. Only bought 2 geraniums and some plant food but decided on tree and furniture and located whereabouts of pyrocantha so will make another trip soon when ready to plant. I lurve garden centres, particularly Bents.

Also saw speech therapist this morning (nothing to report) and Caroline (nothing to report) and have appointment to see young Sean next Thursday. I wonder how he's getting on?

Night night. J x

Big Steps

What a day it's been. I walked into town this morning to vote (first time I've ever voted Conservative but a) the candidate promised to put recycling facilities outside every appartment block in Manchester - and therefore I get brownie points with Denise - and, b), he was the cutest of all the candidates!). After voting went to Starbucks to meet my Team Leader from work. Bought myself a mocha frappacino only to discover that my suck muscles seem to be somewhat depleted and the drink was too thick for me to coax it up the straw! A huge disappointment.

Bob was well and on form. He even brought me the latest Manager's Briefing Pack detailing all the Local Compliance changes about to be implemented in HMRC. Seems I won't recognise the place when I come back (always assuming I don't go off sheep farming in Wales instead). We even discussed the possibility of me popping in to work to say hello before I start the radiotherapy but I'll have to see how things go before I decide whether I can face doing that yet.

I then walked back to the flat. This was officially my longest trip out and I was knackered by the time I got home and had to retire to my bed. So still not made it to the garden centre yet although it was so windy this afternoon I doubt we'd have been able to do anything on the terrace anyway.

Sue called round this evening and, as always, it was an absolute pleasure to see her. Kev, unfortunately, was otherwise detained elsewhere by a game of snooker and a curry.

As far as the radiotherapy goes, I have an appointment at Christies on Tuesday to have the mould made of my head. Apparently this is to ensure that your head stays absolutely still during the treatment and also that its in exactly the same position on each visit. This ensures the radiation only goes where its supposed to. Also got an appointment at MRI for tomorrow to see the speech therapist who will check on my swallowing (memo to self - check on lack of suck at the same time).

And that's all for tonight folks (barring any late night flashes of inspiration). J x

Finally....

...the food arrives. We can all breathe easy in the knowledge that I'm not about to starve to death. Phew.

Nutritionist visited this morning but didn't have much to say. Denise visited tonight and had lots to say!

Didn't make it to the garden centre as had to wait in all day for the food to arrive but may go tomorrow afternoon. Hooray.

Thanks for the flowers and the flower card. They were all beautiful. I have now had over 80 cards which is just incredible. Who knew I knew so many people (and that they remembered me and that they actually liked me)? I'm extrememly grateful to everyone for all their good wishes. J x

Lost

Phew. Not doing 3rd episode though even though v v exciting. Ms Murray, you're welcome whenever you fancy just give me a call.... J x

A Day of Many Things

Unfortunately, none of them were a garden centre.

Went to the doctor's first thing to get a prescription for painkillers and some sick notes (got one for the next 20 weeks). Will give them to Team Leader when I see him. He phoned this morning but because of running around all day didn't manage to get back to him. Will speak to him tomorrow (hopefully).

Had to go back to the ward to pick up some more Fortisips since the arrangements put in place for me to have them delivered didn't work out as planned. Nutritionist is coming to see me tomorrow now. Had dressing changed by Caroline (who we like lots now and not just because I've given her the blog address).

Dad had to go to the eye hospital (we're a sickly family!) because he's had a bloodshot eye for a couple of days. They told him it was just a burst blood vessel (phew) and nothing to worry about. It should clear up of its own accord in a couple of weeks.

Then had to go to bed as exhausted. Now wide awake and looking forward to a double helping of Lost. Can'twait. J x

Todaay...Nothing...Tomorrow...The Garden Centre

V excited obviously. Can't remember the last time I went to a garden centre. I shall be buying a maple tree, some privet bushes, some compost and a bench. This will be in line with my new and exciting plan for the terrace. Can't wait!

Denise called round tonight and Gill this afternoon so busy day for visitors. My parents (and the snooker) were banished to the bedroom for a (very) brief period.

Need to speak to the doctor (painkillers) and the nutritionist (food) tomorrow and Caroline is calling round lunch time to look at my dressings. Christy (my favourite nurse on the Head & Neck Surgical Unit) called today to find out how I was getting on which was really nice. I now need to invest in some boxes of biscuits to drop off at HNSU, HDU and ITU.

And that's all for today. Hopefully lots of exciting developments (and exciting plants) to report tomorrow. Sleep well all my lovely lovely friends out there in cyberland. J x