Just Watched...

... King of Comedy. What a superb film. Robert de Niro is incredible (and Sandra Bernhard is type cast as a mad singing crazy woman). Does anyone know whether or not de Niro got an oscar for the role? J x

Skinnny Bitch

The nutritionist has just been to see me and expressed concern at all the weight I've lost (over 5 stone now). However, I'm hardly thin and I don't look in the least malnourished. After some tough negotiations she agreed that I could go down to 14 stone (which will be 6 stone lost) before she'd call the diet police. I can't remember the last time I was 14 stone (I think I might have been about 8 years old) and since all my clothes now fit me I don't think that I would like to go lower than this.

A lot of my weight loss of course occurred whilst I was in hospital for 3 weeks doing nothing and so consists of lost muscle rather than fat. I now have to try and rebuild the muscle I lost which hopefully should lead to a rebalancing of my body. Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen me recently I'm hoping to attend the drinks part of Bob's do on Friday with Denise so you can judge for yourselves.

Spent all yesterday doing nothing and certainly feel the benefit of that today. I predict it will be a good day today despite the rain. J x

Damp

Typical, its been hot and sunny for weeks and then as soon as we got to Tatton it started raining. Actually, it didn't start as soon as we got there it at least waited until everyone (apart from me) had eaten. It was good just to see and smell all that lovely food though (you have no idea how much Jane spends on bread). Food for me is the new porn. I read magazines, watch TV shows and smell it every opportunity I get. Unfortunately, I just can't eat it. I tried a spoonfull of yoghurt on Friday and it was like trying to swallow broken glass.

The concert and the fireworks were fabulous (rain notwithstanding) unfortunately the journey home was anything but. It took us an hour to get out of Tatton and then a further hour just to get to Manchester i.e. 2 hours for a journey that should have taken 20 minutes. I was in such pain with my back by the time I got home. Bill does have a lovely new car though which made the journey more bearable. Having a rest day today i.e. not going anywhere although I believe that Denise will be calling round tonight. J x

Rain Rain Go Away

Another bright and sunny day here oop North. However, having decided to brave the Tatton Park concert tomorrow, the forecast is for rain. Bloody typical. Would not normally attempt such a night out but Jane (gawd bless 'er) has said that she'll bring me home early if needs be. Hurrah for Jane (and Bill of course).

Not felt as good today as I did yesterday. Not sure why. Nothing to do with my visitor though because it was really good to see Jim who I haven't seen for a while. J x

Party Pooper

Have decided to cancel my birthday party this year. I've no idea how I'm going to feel and in any case its unlikley that I'll be up to enjoying it fully. Sorry for the disappointment I know you'll all be feeling! I'll be back next year though...

Had an OK day today. Went for a walk this morning and got wiped out by it (again). I don't know whether its me or the heat. Probably a combination of the two. Nothing else to add at this time. Sorry. J x

Goatee Beard

Yes, I am trying one on for size. The radiotherapy means that the "goatee area" is the only place where facial hair is growing at the moment. I don't know whether this change is permanent or not. Plus it hides some of the scarring. Having said that the facial scars are not looking too bad and seem to be fading quite nicely. My arm, chest and stomach scars however are still blatantly obvious. My facial swelling (for those who haven't seen me recently/at all) has also gone down a lot. I now look like a long lost cousin of the elephant man rather than the elephant man himself.... J x

P.S. Yes, I'm not proud, I admit this is an outrageous attempt at getting everyone who has seen me to steam in and say how gorgeous I am etc etc

50 Films

I watched "50 films to see before you die" on Channel 4 last night and was rather disturbed to realise that there were a lot that I hadn't seen. For those of you that didn't watch I have reproduced the list below. Those with an asterix are those that I have seen. If you have any of the unstarred films on video or DVD then could I borrow them please? I'd also be interested to know what other people's count is of the number they have seen. I'm guessing but I suspect Jane and Bill will win this particular competition but lets wait and see....

50 Badlands
49 Secrets & Lies
48 Agurre: the Wrath of God
47 Brazil *
46 This Sporting Life
45 Cabaret *
44 Raising Arizona
43 Princess Mononoke
42 Dawn of the Dead
41 Manhunter
40 The King of Comedy
39 The Ipcress File
38 Mulholland Drive
37 The Searchers
36 Fight Club *
35 The Ladykillers
34 The Royal Tenebaums
33 Three Colours Blue
32 Terminator 2 *
31 Scarface
30 All About Eve *
29 Pink Flamingos *
28 Fanny & Alexander
27 The Breakfast Club *
26 Hero
25 Trainspotting *
24 Erin Brockovich *
23 A Night at the Opera
22 Heavenly Creatures
21 Come and See
20 The Player
19 Boyz n the Hood
18 Black Narcissus
17 Walkabout
16 Touch of Evil
15 Pulp Fiction
14 Lagan: Once Upon a Time in India
13 The Shawshank Redemption *
12 Lost in Translation
11 Alien *
10 Manhattan
9 Donnie Darko
8 A Bout de Souffle
7 North by Northwest *
6 2001: A Space Odyssey *
5 Sexy Beast *
4 Chinatown
3 City of God
2 The Apartment
1 Apocalypse Now

Look forward to hearing your scores. J x

Uneventful

This is good news if a little boring. Saw DD last night which, of course, wasn't boring at all. Nothing more to add really. Sorry. J x

Empty Nest

Now I know what its like when the kids grow up and leave home. Only in this case its my parents that have left. What is one supposed to do with oneself? There's no-one to clean up after, no fights to sort out, no tears before bedtime...

Good feeling today in that I feel like I've turned a corner in the past couple of days. Since the beginning of the week I've been feeling a little better each day and let me tell you that's a good way to feel. Still got problems with my throat (and that damn phlegm) but the skin on my neck has cleared up and my ears are on their way (although still bleeding a little at night). The throat is the main thing now since once that has cleared up I can start looking at getting back to eating and drinking normally and once I'm doing that the sky's the limit. I understand that I need to be back in work (Beryl's deadline notwithstanding) by April 2007 as that is when we enter the brave new compliance world. Can't wait... J x

Actually...

...it might have been called a "yanker" rather than a "jerker". I can't remember now. I was on too many drugs. This must be what it is like to have lived through the sixties... J x

Swallow or Spit?

I did have a sucking machine whilst I was in hospital (see comment by the wench). Strangely enough, the attachment that you put in your mouth to clear the phlegm was called a "jerker" so even more oo er missus potential! Anyway, things seem to be improving so I don't think we need to go down the road of obtaining machinery although it was a good suggestion. I also gargle with salt water which helps dislodge the thick and gooey bits whilst also keeping my mouth pristine and hygienically clean.

Just watched Now Voyager and so wanted to leave you with these quotes -

"Copacabana. There's music in that word"

"Dora, I suspect you're a treasure"

"Jerry, don't lets ask for the moon. We have the stars"

That's all for today folks. J x

Lost

Ooooooh. Devious Charlie. I never saw that coming.... J x

I've Come Over All Bjork

Its oh so quiet (no-one asking me what the answer to 2 down is), its oh so still (no-one bustling around because he can't sit still for 3 minutes)... yes, I've packed the Aged Ps onto the Heatwave Express and sent them back to Wales. The rest should do them good provided they don't melt before they get there. Gone they may be, but not forgotten as large portions of their wardrobe remain here (they shopped so hard in Manchester that not everything would fit into their cases for the journey home!). I'm missing them of course but they need some time to themselves and not running around after me. I'm a big boy now. And NO MORE SPORT!!!!

Still not able to speak for any length of time (oh that phlegm gets everywhere) and so receiving visitors is difficult. Hopefully I'm on an upward track now (the skin on my face and neck seems to be healing nicely and hopefully the lining of my throat is progressing similarly well) so it shouldn't be too long before I can see you all again. The idea is that I won't go home now until mid-August so plenty of time. No idea about returning to work though. I imagine I'll have to be off the tube feeding before anyone is ready to recommend I go back. I'll discuss with Caroline (my cancer nurse, unfortunately on holiday again from the end of this week) and the consultants (not seeing them now until 24 August) and, of course, Bob (although he leaves the end of next month too). God, I won't have anyone to talk to!

Anyway, having an OK day today and that's all I can ask for. J x

I Heart My GP

Saw my GP this morning and he's prescribed me gallons and galloons of drugs so I'm a happy bunny. Such a happy bunny in fact that I'm packing the Aged Ps on the train home tomorrow and going it alone. I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing them bon voyage.

God its hot though. J x

P.S. Officially lost four and a half stone now. Confidently expect to reach the 5 mark by the time I'm on solids again.

Bless Kylie

Ditto to everything she said. Especially the bit about wearing lots of diamonds... J x

What A Difference A Drug Makes

Got hold of some more anti-sickness drugs and, guess what? I stopped being sick. Genius! Unfortunately, my stubborness (double "n"?), meant that it was 2200 before I conceded that I needed more anti-sickness drugs which meant that my parents ended up walking to a chemists on Oxford Street at 2300 on a Saturday night to pick them up for me. Thank God they survived this ordeal and as a result I'm feeling much better now. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them.

Due to dearth of anything good to watch on TV on a Saturday night we ended up watching The African Queen and Rear Window DVDs. What fab films they both are. Anyway, its 1100 on Sunday morning so I'm off for a shower and the Aged Ps are off to watch Country File. J x P.S. Welcome back Jane & Bill, we missed you too.

Sick Of Being Sick

Been sick twice already this morning. Not known whether cause was imminent departure of Aged Ps (no longer going) or the visit of the stalwarts last night. Anyway, I'm fed up of it. My treatment has finished and I'm supposed to be feeling better. Only I don't. I hate this. J x

BMs A Go-Go

Couldn't keep me off the toilet yesterday evening! Feeling a little better today than I did yesterday. Not going home this weekend though. Aged Ps are catching the train tomorrow morning. Also not up to baking a cake so the stalwarts will have to make do with shop-bought tonight. I wonder if they'll be able to tell the difference? J x

Yeuch

Not been a good day today. A lot of back pain and feeling sick this afternoon (although haven't actually been sick). May delay going home this weekend as the journey may be a bit too ambitious at this stage. Won't take a final decision until Saturday though. Its likely that the Aged Ps will go anyway as, apart from the wonderful support they've given me - and continue to give me, there's little practical stuff that they can do for me now. Sorry for sounding so despondent. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow. J x

Roger My Boy

You're a hit! Seems everyone on the blog likes you. How very different from real life....

I have to say though that I am one of your fans and I was very touched to receive your card and, now, your contribution to the blog - even though I cannot understand half of it because as you very well know I CAN'T SPEAK WELSH. Glad to hear that things are working out for you what with the ordination and everything. I forgot to ask Karen though, does this mean you've given up HMRC? Of course you won't have given up sermonising no matter what walk of life you are now engaged in! Are you still in Portsmouth? And why does Karen refer to you being on the "dark side"? These and many other questions to be answered (hopefully) in the next posting from Revrs. J x

What Happens Now?

Was sick this morning. Unpleasant but not really news. Have been OK for the rest of the day though. Also had a BM this afternoon which was encouraging. Did some ironing. Had a sleep.

Aged Ps off to Dunham Massey tomorrow. And that's about all the news from today. Sorry to be so boring but, from a personal point of view, boring is good! J x

All Over Now

At least Wimbledon and the football are. The cancer goes on. True, the treatment has finished for now. The side-effects from the treatment can however intensify over the next week or so. So that's something to look forward to! And once the side-effects start subsiding I then have to think about whether the cancer will spread or not. All cheerful stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyway, today is a day for celebration becuase one stage, at least, of my journey is over. None of us know, least of all me or the doctors, how long this journey may last. But I'll be glad if you stick with me for the rest of it - wherever it leads. In the meantime, life goes on. I'm off to Swansea on Saturday for a week and then back to Manchester. Hopefully by that time I'll be up to having visitors although I am, of course, receiving the stalwarts on Friday for a special cake visit (God help them). I'm also hoping to be well enough to go to the Tatton Park picnic concert at the end of July. The flower show is a definite no-no though. J x

Choked

Guys, how can I ever thank you enough? I'm overwhelmed by your gift. I promise not to spend it wisely. In fact I shall probably blow the whole amount on one of those gorgeous to look at but ridiculously expensive garden books. Or maybe something on fashion with lots of pretty frocks/boys/boys in frocks in it. Or what about a master class in how to bake lemon slices cook book? There must also be a few Terry Pratchett's I need to catch up on. And the odd Stephen Donaldson. Oooooh. I don't know where to start but trust me when I say I'm looking forward to many a happy browsing hour in Waterstones. Once again, thank you so much. A person couldn't ask for a nicer bunch of friends. J x

1...

Just back from Christies. Apparently there's no champagne reception or anything at the hospital to mark the end of this stage of my treatment. Don't they know who I am?

Appear to have reached the plateau of uckiness in that I have a mouthful of mucus that is too disgusting to leave there but too painful to expel. Whither the mucus therefore? Answers on a postcard to...

Am going to bake a cake next week to cheer myself up even if it doesn't cheer up anyone who has to eat it. J x

2...

Sorry this is so late. Have felt a bit out of sorts today (alongside all the usual aches, pains and soreness). Not sure why. Looking forward to starting to recover from the treatment though. Don't know how long that will take. Have decided to go home to Swansea with my parents from the 15th until the 22nd July. I'll come back on my own then. And then I can start thinking about a return to work. Hurrah, I hear you all chorus! Well don't get your hopes up yet, we'll have to see how my recovery goes. I suspect the tiredness will be a major obstacle - I seem to have 2 naps a day now on top of my night time sleep. Also, painkillers and feeding. Is the revenue ready to watch me pumping stuff directly into my stomach through a tube? And there's also the question of a desk. I hear on the grapevine that mine has been given away. How quickly you all forget... J x

3...

Not long now. Had another OK day yesterday and not too bad so far today although my mouth is really really sore and I appear not to have hit any plateaus (plateaux?) just yet. Will probably go home to Swansea for a week or so early to mid July for a bit of R & R (although to be honest, with my parents here, every day is R & R for me). I'll then come back in time for the Halle at Tatton. No idea if I'll be picnicing by then but its worth going just for the music and the fireworks. Maybe I'll manage a little gazpacho. And coffee. God I miss coffee. I make my dad have a cup of coffee every morning just so I can smell it.

Alll the above is dependent on hospital visits etc. I know that Christies won't want to see me for 6 weeks following my treatment but YS and Caroline have yet to make their intentions clear. I'll let you know as soon as I know. J x

4...

OK day yesterday although had a crap night last night. Probably due to the heat though rather than the treatment. Everything is getting very sore though. Even my tongue is sore. Might have to start upping the morphine from the current 4 times a day.

Went to John Lewis after the session this morning and we bought my Mum a skirt, my dad a wallet, me a shirt (no, I don't have enough) and a box of assorted shortbread for the radiographers. All in all a successful shopping trip although it left me exhausted and I had to sleep for 3 hours afterwards. J x

Altogether Now... 5...

Saw the consultant this morning as he was a bit concerned last Thursday to learn that the phlegm I've been bringing up was green. Was able to reassure him that we are back to a nice primrose yellow now. He said that given that I was having 6 weeks treatment rather than 4 that I might find that the side-effects would "plateau" around now. That would be nice. We'll see. Tennis this afternoon. Not attractive though poor Andy Murray... J x

Praise The Lord...

... and pass the toilet paper! J x

Well At Least The Football's Over

I can't believe we missed 3 out of 4 penalties. Still I don't suppose you can blame the team. Its not like they're professionals or anything....

Daleks and cybermen. Who saw that coming eh? Still nice to see that Mickey has obviously been attending a gym in the other dimension and has access to good skin care. Not that any of that would make him gay or anything....

Thanks to my sponsors, the Wellcome Foundation and various other drugs conglomerates, I've had a not too bad day again today. Can't remember when I last had a bowel movement though. But that's the morphine. Have now lost 4 stone since the start of this all. Am fairly sure that I will lose another stone as soon as I have my next bowel movement...

Nothing else to report although I believe the tennis might be quite exciting at the moment too. J x