Another Not Bad Day...

....in the scheme of things. Throat still incredibly sore and mouth full of mucus but it could be worse. Morphine and metochlopromide and paracetomol and movicol and brufen all help.

Good news for my Team Leader today. He's got early retirement which he's pleased about. I, for one, will miss him though as he's the best boss I think I've had in the Revenue. Sad news for Soozie as she didn't get early retirement but that's because she's just too damn young and vibrant and with so much still to offer. Am secretly (although not so secretly now) pleased that Soozie is staying on since her plan, once she retires, is to move even further North (is that possible I hear the Southerners among you gasp) and then we'd lose touch and end up hating each other. Or something like that anyway. I'm just glad she and Kev are still going to be around for a while as I've come to rely on them a lot (I know, selfish reasons). Cancer makes you thin and selfish!

Football and tennis are endless. Aged P's off to Choice tonight for a meal so I'm all alone. Boo hoo. Don't phone though as I can't speak. J x

Relatively Speaking...

... today has been OK. Only 7 more sessions to go. Saw the consultant this afternoon and he's happy with my progress under the treatment (not that they can tell anything yet but the side effects are only the ones they were expecting). My ears are bleeding but apparently that's not unusual either. My sore throat makes it really difficult for me to talk so if you telephone its likely to be a short conversation. I'm also not up to having visitors at the moment. Getting to watch lots of Wimbledon now (thanks Mum) as well as lots of football (thanks Dad) but hey, look on the bright side, no-one's mentioned snooker for ages. Just taken half a dozen drugs so it must be time for bed (except that I sleep a lot of the day too anyway) so I'll say goodnight all and talk tomorrow. J x

Morphine Helps

But rather bizarrely it helps with the sickness as much as with the pain. Trouble is it makes you feel exhausted and also constipates you. So I now need to take laxatives as well on top of everything else. I'm keeping a running list of all the drugs I take and when so that I don't overdose. I'll let you know tomorrow how many I'm on. Off to bed (again) now. J x

Feel Dreadful

Not a lot to add to that. Sorry. J x

And Then It All Went Horribly Wrong

Enjoyed the Bridgewater but paid for it today. Been sick twice and throat is raw. Virtually unable to speak due to pain and even trying to swallow morphine hurts! Also very tired now and have slept/dozed a lot of today. We'll see how the night goes. Hopefully I may feel a little better tomorrow.

On the bright side, I am now two thirds of the way through my treatment and I won't be having any more chemotherapy. My radiotherapy regime changes from tomorrow as well since they'll be using "electrons" rather than radiation (apparently we can't irradiate my spine any more). This means longer in that bloody mask. Oh joy. 10 sessions to go though. Just 10.... J x

Dr Who

Pants. That's all I'm going to say on the subject. Apart from, whose bloody idea was it to bring the cybermen back? They were crap at the start of the series. But if they're back then perhaps (gay?) Mickey is back too? We'll see. J x

DD's Back

And looking hale and hearty too. She regaled us with lots of stories of Italy, how awful the wine was and showed us lots of photos of sky. She isn't coming to Bridgewater tomorrow on account of having to watch the football and get drunk on lots of (English?) wine. Mr & Mrs T will be there though. Its Mozart's Clarinet Concerto and Beethoven's Eroica symphony. I've no idea what what either of them sound like but I'm sure I'll recognise them from the adverts once they get going. I'll let you know (of course) how it all went tomorrow. Night. J x

Once More A Porker

Put on 3lbs yesterday. How did that happen? I've only upped my nutritional supplements by one delicious yummy vanilla flavoured vitiman and mineral packed carton a day. I think they're made by the same people who make Slimfast and its their way of ensuring that people who lose weight in hospital go straight back on a diet as soon as they're well. At least that's my theory. Allegedly (in case any Slimfast lawyers are reading this).

Wanted to be sick this morning. Tried to be sick this morning. Couldn't do it. Presumably the anti-sickness medicine is working therefore. It did mean though that I missed out on that post-sickness feeling of wellbeing one gets. Difficult to please? Moi? Anyway, anti-sickness medicine goes down today from 5 to 3 doses so the nausea may yet arrive.

No plans for today although thinking of the Bridgewater Hall tomorrow evening (vomit permitting). May post later if anything thrilling happens. Like Dr Who. I thought last week's was the best of the whole series so far. J x

Chemo Side Effects Kick In

Only this time its random hiccupping rather than random vomitting. On the whole I prefer the hiccups! No more radiotherapy for 2 days. Hurrah. And after Monday I will be two thirds through the treatment. Double hurrah. Throat getting really rather sore now. Boo. Saliva situation unchanged. Hurrah. Mucus situation worse. Boo. Ups and downs at the moment friends. Just like life eh? And at least it is life at the moment for me. Treble hurrahs and hurrahs all round. Night night. J x

Honestly, The Fuss You Lot Make

Chemo was a breeze. Wasn't sick (nor did I feel sick) once. In fact, feeling better today than I have for the last couple of days. Assuming things carry on like this I am now open for visits.

Had a visit from Caroline and YS and Frances this morning. It was great to see them all and they really cheered me up. The visits were as much social as medical since there was nothing really wrong with me. Do you think they all think I'm a drama queen? How little they know me....

But despite all the euphoria over my physical condition I am in excruciating pain mentally since I am wracked with guilt on account of having forgotten Mrs T's birthday. How could such a thing have happened? Obviously I hadn't forgotten that she had a birthday since, despite appearances to the contrary, she is mortal. I also hadn't forgotten that it was imminent since she had gone to the trouble of printing out my works diary and highlighting the date on it for me. Its just that I'd forgotten it was yesterday. Goddess that she is, she has forgiven me though (to err is human - me, to forgive divine - her: and I'm not talking about the 30 stone drag queen either who is now dead anyway leaving a gap in the market that could have been filled by me had I not lost all this weight - 3 and a half stone).

See you all soon J x

P.S. I had asked Mrs T to print the diary thing. She didn't do it off her own bat so that I would buy her something. Honest. No, really. Oh please yourselves, you lot would think the worst of anyone...

Last Post

See you on the other side. J xxxxx

Rough as...

...anything. Having spent the past week with people telling me how well I look I now feel like crap. Unfortunately, my near perfect genes mean that I still look gorgeous. Isn't life unfair?

Threw up last night and again this morning and now have (even) more drugs from Christies. Honestly my kitchen wouldn't look out of place in Columbia. Christies also told me I'm too thin. Actually, they didn't tell me that. No-one has ever told me that. They did say however that they would prefer me to stop losing weight otherwise my mask won't fit properly and they'll end up treating the wrong bits. Now having to "eat" more. Never thought anyone would tell me that either (apart from my Mum and that incident involved a piece of beef but I don't think we need to dwell on that episode).

Have had to cancel all visitors for the forseeable. Sorry. Will let you now when next I'm "at home". Mr Lewis regrets that he's unable to lunch today, Madam.

Congrats to Mr H, by the way.on his honour. Does this make Margaret a Dame? TTFN. J x

Half Way

Which should be a cause for celebration only I don't much feel like celebrating. Feeling a bit rough and tired today and not looking forward to Wednesday.

My angel called tonight and brought me an angel which was a lovely gift, particularly since its a "Good Health" angel. Together with my Spanish sheep I'm now half way to a nativity scene. Just need a Mary and, of course, the baby Jesus. Three wise queens wouldn't go amiss either. Or a stable. And a star. And some shepherds. But apart from all those I'm half way to a nativity scene and half way through my treatment. Coincidence? I don't think so.... J x

Just Watched...

...the fireworks at the end of the Take That concert in the City of Manchester stadium. They were spectacular (as I'm sure the concert was too).

Lemon slices were a disaster. there seemed to be a misunderstanding between me and the cookbook as to what constituted "light and fluffy". Suffice to say, whatever the phrase means it was not embodied in my lemon slices. Never mind, if at first you don't succeed... buy them from the shop!

Have to stop the ibuprofen tonight in readiness for my chemotherapy on Wednesday. I therefore have 6 days of pain and throwing up to look forward to. Not nice. Like my lemon slices. Am fairly sure that the next few days worth of posts will make for depressing reading. You may therefore want to take a short break from the blog and catch up with me again on, say, next Saturday when I should be my cheery self again. J x

Garden Centres Galore

Went to Willowpool and that other one this morning. Bought 4 plants. Nowt else to report. J x

Another Good Day

Bought a tree this morning (just a small one, prunus cestina since you ask). Had radiotherapy this afternoon followed by the reaction clinic. Dr Slevin (consultant) happy with the progress of the treatment from the point of view of my reaction to it. My reaction is "1" on the scale of 1 to 4 i.e. quite a mild reaction at the moment. He's also not worried about the copious amounts of mucus I am producing which he sees as quite normal. God its disgusting though. I hope and pray it won't continue like this after the treatment otherwise expect to see me hawking up gobs of spit in a street near you in the not too distant future... (sorry but I promised you a warts and all account).

Apart from that everything else is World Cup so no comment. Except to say that I shall be baking lemon slices tomorrow for my visitors. Never baked anything before. Poor visitors! J x

On Visitors

I'm currently taking each day as it comes. I had a particularly good day today - so much so that everyone from work said I was looking remarkably well. Well I felt remarkably well too (and quite guilty therefore that I'm not back in work) but this was no guide to how I felt this afternoon (knackered, I slept for 3 hours) and there's no telling how I'll feel tomorrow so its a bit difficult for me to say "yes" to everyone who wants to visit. I'm quite happy to arrange visits but if you're travelling from afar (Leeds, London, Newcastle etc) then you may be disappointed when you turn up and I'm exhausted after half an hour. I'm only saying this so I don't end up offending anyone. Having said all this if you want to visit then I'd love to see you so give me a ring and we'll see what we can sort out. J x

P.S. I have my next chemotherapy session on the 21st and I'm likely to spend the week after that throwing up so those dates probably aren't good for visiting.

All Alone

Early radiotherapy session this morning has allowed Aged Ps to hop on a train and go and see Liverpool Cathedral leaving me to fend for myself. Might attempt a walk into Starbucks to see the gang. Hopefully back lunch-time ish for Denise visit. Would also be great to receive visitors from yonder shores (Newcastle) if they manage to make it over the Pennines. J x

33.333333333%

That's how much of the radiotherapy I've completed. This morning's session was 10 of 30. As far as the chemotherapy goes I'm half way there with 1 of 2 sessions completed. The second session is on the 21st. That will be the longest day in oh so many ways....

Feeling OK. Throat is sore so not swallowing any more but its not necessary anyway because of the tube. Luckily there is no "plegma in de toob" (old Cabaret joke there).

May go and see She Stoops to Conquer tomorrow evening depending on how I'm feeling after tomorrow's session with the radiographers.

Sue & Kev and Denise all called round yesterday and it was great to see them. I'm afraid that if anyone else wants to see me its going to have to be a visit by you rather than the other way round as I think my field trips into town are likely to get less as time goes on. But you're always assured of a warm welcome and a cold glass of wine! J x

Look At The Time

Flowers arived safe, sound and beautiful. Thank you Janet and happy anniversery.

Fig, you mean to say there are drag queens in your past of whom I know nothing? We shall have to have a talk....

Feeling fine, if a little hot, today. Not been sick and I've put on a pound in weight (having now lost 3 stone).

Not watching the football. J x

Bless

Big love goes out to Fig's Mum who sent me some flowers but addressed them to herself rather than me causing the concierge to return them as "unknown at this address". Rest assured M & S are re-delivering them to me tomorrow. Its a lovely thought though Janet, thank you. J x

If Its Not One End Its The Other

I don't think that title needs any further explanation!

Had a good (if tiring) day yesterday. Saw young Sean who is still happy with my progress although I'll probably need more X-Rays for my teeth (now got dental pain too!). Had the radiotherapy and then saw the registrar at the Reaction Clinic. She wasn't too worried about the sickness thing but, rather disturbingly, talked a lot about liquid morphine. So that's more pain to come then is it?

Saw Soozie and Gill in the eve and we sat out on the terrace whilst they enjoyed their glasses of wine and brought me up to date on the office gossip which was very pleasant.

2 more sessions of radiotherapy to go and I'll be a third of a way through the treatment. I think I'll focus on that today and sod the liquid morphine. J x

Its 3 In The Morning...

...and I've just got up to take some painkillers and the blog seems to be working so I'm grabbing the opportunity.

No progress to report since still in pain (back) and still being sick. Have a radiotherapy session this afternoon and also will be attending the "Reaction Clinic" to see how I'm getting on with the chemotherapy. I think "badly" is the answer but I'll let you know what they say officially later. Also seeing young Sean and Caroline at some point today, which is always nice.

Spirits are still up though which is good I think. J x

Hurrah

Is it on? Just a quickie to let you all know I'm still alive but, once again, experiencing problems of the blog kind. Still being intermittently sick (the latest bout caused by champagne - how ironic is that?). My white blood cell count is also about to plummet (a result of the chemotherapy) so if I tell you that you can't come round please don't take offence I'm just trying to keep myself alive (oh, and of course, remaining a drama queen!). Love to you all out there in blog land though. J x

Sunday Ho Hum

Not done anything (in any sense!). Will obviously have to take more laxitives tonight.

Mouth is virtually dry and uncomfortable. Apparently one's mouth produces 2 types of saliva. One of a watery consistency from saliva glands in the upper part of the mouth and one of a thicker consistency in the lower part of the mouth. Unfortunately the radiotherapy knocks out the watery ones leaving one with a mouth that feels dry but gradually fills with a thick viscous liquid. I know, yuck. The only way to deal with this is to brush one's teeth regularly and drink lots of water. Of course, having to brush my teeth regularly nicely coincides with me developing dental pain! Oh the joys of cancer, I could go on and on.... J x

And Here I Am

Spent a really unpleasant 48 hours in hospital. Suffered really intense pain the first afternoon that even morphine didn't seem to be able to touch but thankfully it faded towards evening. Didn't sleep at all that evening and then spent all yesterday throwing up into papier mache bowls (6 times!). Again, really unpleasant and they decided to keep me in last night. Thankfully slept the whole night (under the excellent care of Olivia, thank you Olivia) and felt much better this morning. They've now let me home. Hurrah. Only got to do it one more time now. Apparently these sessions increase my chances of survival by 7 - 8% so I suppose they're worth it.

No other news for now although Mrs T is coming round tonight so no doubt I'll get all the office gossip. Can't wait... J x