I'm Turning Japanese...

...who are these strange people with their strange hieroglyphs. And why are they so interested in me and my goings on? I understand why you, dear reader, hang on my every word. Indeed I often do it myself. But the Japanese? I wonder if there is a way to instantly translate what I type in English into hieroglyphs? That would be fun.

Anyway. So what is news? Am currently sat at home awaiting a man to come and measure me up for some shutters. A man called round yesterday and did very little and yet charged me £175 for it. I'd left DD in charge. Say no more. DD and a tradesman in an enclosed space. Doesn't bear thinking about. I bet he was wearing overalls too. They do that up here.

So what else? Went to see Corrie last night (50 years of Coronation Street in 2 hours, live on a stage narrated by Jim McDonald and written by Jonathan Harvey). It should have been pure comedy gold and so it proved. Not the original actors of course but we had 5 people (2 men and 3 women not including Jim McDonald) playing about 50 different characters and they were fantastic. We saw Gail get married 4 times (each time declaring that this time it would be different because she could sense it - naturally it never was). We saw Deirdre and Ken, Deirdre & Mike, Deirdre & Ray as her hair got shorter and shorter. There was a barge, a tram, the ghosts of Elsie and Ena, Hilda and her little brown parcel back from Stan's funeral. We laughed, we cried, we had a stonking good time. If you get a chance, get a ticket.

What else? Went to see the touring production of Les Miserables and was happily surprised. Really enjoyed it. Only bad bit was Eponine who appeared to think she was auditioning for X Factor rather than playing a street urchin.

What else? Went to Swansea, saw the Aged Ps, had fun, got wet, saw lots of cricket and tennis. Ageds are doing fine though you'll all be glad to hear.

Otherwise all quiet on the North Western front. Work is good. Flat will be good once I get shutters installed and get round to ordering a new wardrobe from Ikea. And then its the party - don't ask me, DD is in charge. But before that we have Pride this weekend followed by a weekend in London with the Figster and tickets to Legally Blond. Hurrah. So that's all. J x

Holiday Hey Hey Yeah Holiday

Is that a song? No idea. Do I care? No I don't. Now have a week off work and really looking forward to it. Those who know me may find this fact surprising given my avowed love for my job - but its all been getting a bit on top of me recently. So I'm looking forward to a week off - 2 days in Manchester sorting stuff (as my good friend and party organiser DD would put it) followed by 3 days in Swansea (at least one of which will be spent on a visit to the National Botanic Garden of Wales) followed by a trip to Les Miserables at The Lowry with my good friend Jim. Now those who know me (you know who you are) may well express surprise at these plans since you will have heard me say on many an occasion that I'll never go and see a touring West End show in the provinces again (unless I haven't seen it in the West End first). But I thought "what the hey" how can they ruin a show like The Glums even if they don't have fancy barricades? The songs are so strong that it should be a good show anyway. Well, watch this space, famous last words and all that. I'll let you know. Have to go now and do stuff so that's all. J x

Antiqueing

Is that a word? Should be since its what I did yesterday in Lancaster (nice) and Morecambe (not so nice) with DD & Bryn & Michelle. I bought an old 1940s suitcase. Shall fill it full of old theatre programmes. May start a collection of old suitcase since I have a lot of old theatre programmes. We also had lunch at The Midland in Morecambe and navigated its bizarre rules and regulations regarding the taking of refreshment (times and locations - there are all sorts of rules). Cool place though. Old hotel updated by Urban Splash. Pity they don't run it. Then back to The Midland in Manchester for cocktails. A very nice day.

On leave next week. Back to Swansea on Wednesday and then back up to Manchester on Saturday. That's all. J x

Spring (?) Cleaning

Have spent the entire day cleaning out cupboards. Let no-one tell you I don't lead an exciting life. I did go to Canal Street last night though. That was fun. Well at least it was once we moved off the main drag and away from the hen parties and stag dos. Discovered a new bar down a back street - all very sleazy but it does one good to have a little sleaze in one's life from time to time! That's all. J x

Jokes

Oh, give over. It could be worse, I could be sending these to your mobile phone...

Sign outside an Australian gym (apparently): Fat and ugly? Want to be just ugly?"

Also, on twitter:" Gutted. This bird invited me to a party but I forgot to RSPB".

Thank you, my name's Jonathan and I'm on here for the rest of my life.... J x

50,004

Whoo hoo. Curates egg week. One exam pass. Three (count them) new trainees. Very happy with all that. One (expanded) Leadership Team meeting where everyone behaved like Civil Servants and didn't want to change anything and in any case spent most of the meeting arguing about First Class Travel and how they should be entitled to it. Didn't get half of the stuff done that I should have. Not so happy about these. So there you go. Curates egg. Managed to see DD a great deal which is also good. And went to Toy Story III with Gill & Sara. Not so enamoured with the film but lovely to see the ladies. Party planning carries on apace... That's all. J x

P.S.

DD rained all over my parade on the "really exciting idea for the party" front so its going to be dead boring. Sorry. J x

49790

Not that I'm one to boast but 210 more hits on the blog and we'll have 50,000. That is pretty phenomenal. And I just want to thank you all - including our regular Japanese contributers -for sticking with me for four years. I have now passed the four years since diagnosis point and the four years since the end of treatment point. I think that calls for a vodka martini or four. I'll see what I can rustle up - although obviously not on a school night (my job is precarious enough in this age of austerity). Thank you everyone. I'm not sure I could have done it without you. Here's to four more years (now where have I heard that phrase before?) That's all. J x

Tatton Park

Bloody ace. Was the Halle firework concert tonight. Went with Jane and Bill (as per) and had a fantastic night (as per). Not too many people talking through the music tonight. And even Myleen Klass wasn't too annoying. Have also had an idea for my party which is really exciting. Watch this space... J x

To London & Back

Don't buy the sandwiches on Virgin Trains. They're rubbish apparently. But, All My Sons is fantastic, gripping (thank you Bryn), dramatic (thank you Michelle) and emotional (Denise). Suffice to say we all thoroughly enjoyed it and some of us were moved to tears. Wannamaker and Suchet are class acts and well worth the ticket price. And the Apollo theatre is just charming. And following a random number of vodka martinis we're on the train on the way home. Also have to mention lunch - at Arbutus in Soho. Fabulous restaurant with fabulous food and fabulous (if skinny) staff. Also went and saw the ship in a bottle on the 4th plinth which is a lot of fun. Finally to the Hilton on Trafalgar Square to mix with fabulously stylish people and down a final martini before a mad dash for Euston. Suspect there may be one more drink when we arrive in Manchester... That's all. J x

Shandy Booze

Has anyone seen my wagon? I'm sure I left it around here somewhere... Back on the booze and hungover today. Hey ho, my life is back! That's all. J x

Twitter

So that's what all the fuss is about. Have just signed up and am addicted already. Not that I feel the need to Tweet myself (got the lingo already you see) but it's fascinating just exploring all the people on there - famous, infamous and none of the above. One thing leads to another and you end up spending hours on there with sore thumbs. It's worse than porn! Anyway, won't be tweeting much myself as I have all of you on here to communicate with but it is fun. Leave your twitter stories in comments for us all to share. That's all. J x

Earnest

Went to see The Importance of Being Earnest at the Library Theatre last night. As I'm sure you all know this is the theatre's last production and the theatre company will be sharing facilities at The Lowry before moving to a new permanent home at, hopefully, the Theatre Royal. Its such a shame because I love this little theatre and have seen some brilliant stuff here (Oliver Twist) as well as some rubbish (Rosencrantz & Gulderstern anyone?). Anyway, TIOBE was also their first production here as well as their last and what a fantastic production this was. Lady B was played by a man (hardly original) but it worked really well. A complete surprise when the "a handbag?" comment was delivered as a whisper. The audience virtually gasped - but it works better as an incredulous whisper rather than an over the top declamation. The cast, Algernon apart, were excellent and I laughed like a drain. Really enjoyed it. That's all. J x

Fantastic Day

Great to see Sarah. I miss her old hair though. But she looked lovely and summery in her blue polka-dot dress. And God was it hot. Thanks God for high end shopping and its air conditioning. The Louis Vuitton store was a little disappointing. Given that we've waited for about 2 years whilst they were refurbishing it I'd expected a little more. Some of the mechanised displays were cute though. Did manage to squeeze some shopping in - phew - Gucci, Miyake and Tiffany. And then off to the RA Summer Exhibition which just totally blew me away. What an absolutely brilliant, brilliant show. The hanging was just excellent and the quality of the art was just stupendous. It was my first time and I'm just really annoyed I haven't been before. But will definitely be going next year and every year from now on. The gorilla made out of wire coat hangers was a stand out piece as was the cat in a hat picture and, oooh, just too many others to mention. A nice touch was that the chap who lives opposite my Mum had his picture accepted and I saw it hanging. He'd sketched his idea on an envelope for my Mum so she now owns a valuable piece of original art - which she's very excited about. We had lunch at Dover Street Market (which is the world's trendiest shop) but the broccoli & stilton soup was just a little thick for me. We got kicked out of Vivienne Westwood because I was drinking water. And we sat in the sun in Green Park for half an hour or so. Got home exhausted but satisfied at a day well spent.

Have woken up this morning with no power - for some reason my underfloor heating in the bathroom is causing my trip switch to trip (discovered after hours of turning things on and off and seeing what happened) so now I need to find a bloody electrician.

Football today. DD is going to Barbirollis to watch. Might join her just for the experience - I'm no longer torn as to which country I want to win (I had Slovenia in the office sweep).. That's all. J x

Hot Hot Hot

Have arrived in London and am sat in Caffe Nero on the edge if heaven (Bond Street) awaiting my shopping copine who is running late with a hangover. No such problems chez moi as I am still not drinking. It's the new going out! But God it's hot down here. Let's hope the new Louis Vuitton air conditioning is working... Updates later. That's all for now. J x

And So To London...

Maria was fabulous. An opera with 2 sopranos (one playing Mary Queen of Scots, the other Elizabeth I) who have a terrific fight at the end of the first half (even though they never actually met in real life). Mary refers to Elizabeth as "that bastard child of Anne Boleyn". Apparently the 2 divas in the first ever production got so into the roles that they ended up fighting on the stage. Terrific. Unfortunately in this production, Elizabeth lost her voice and so was absent for the second half. Mary going to her execution was a fabulous aria though.

Off to London to see Sarah tomorrow for the day. We're doing Bond Street in the morning (there's a new Louis Vuitton store just opened - they've spent 2 years refurbishing it) and then off to the Summer Exhibition at The Royal Academy - there's a gorilla made entirely out of wire coat hangers! How crazy is that?

Travelling First Class, natch, now that HMRC can no longer pay for me to do it. That's all. J x

L'Opera

Off to the opera tonight. Maria Stuarda by Donizetti. No idea what it'll be like but I do like old Donizetti so am hoping to enjoy it. Spent the afternoon mentoring training at the Help Line which was good. Saw Lip Service in the week with Jim (v good). Manchester Day Parade with DD tomorrow. London next Saturday for a spot of shopping (Louis Vuitton has a new store on Bond Street). How did life get so hectic? That's all. J x

Hanging on the Line

So, its time to renew my car insurance. Direct Line very handily send you out a renewal notice that says you doesn't need to do anything to renew, they'll just charge your credit card anyway. Very handy you may think until you notice how much they want to charge you and how its about £300 more than anyone else. So you have to telephone them to tell them not to take the money from your card - and this is where the genius comes in - they keep you hanging on the telephone until you've spent about £300 anyway. Brilliant marketing ploy. Bastards. So here I am listening to the music. Its not even Vivaldi's Four Seasons (which I like) but some weird electronic stuff that's driving me up the wall. I won't be insuring with them again in a hurry... That's all. J x

Not a Lot

Have given up drinking for June. No particular reason but I'm putting on some weight and I had a letter from my liver asking for a rest! Not to be deterred by this handicap I nevertheless attended a wine tasting evening on Friday. Needless to say I tasted some wine (along with a couple of martinis) and so I have given up drinking for "the rest of June" instead... Day 2 and I'm off to a barbecue at DD's place this afternoon. This will be my first test so I'll let you know how it goes.

Absolutely nothing else to report. Although I see that there is a production of Into The Woods taking place at the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre so I'll be checking my mate Fig's schedule for that. That's all. J x

Nice Bank Holiday

Following my trip to SATC2 I joined DD to see Four Lions last night. A difficult film in many ways. You found yourself laughing at the jokes but wondering whether you should be laughing or not. Just like a lot of Chris Morris's stuff in fact. Undoubtedly he goes too far sometimes but its difficult to know when that is whilst you're actually watching something. But there's no denying that he's not afraid to tackle difficult subjects...

A somewhat more traditional bank holiday activity today (even though its no longer bank holiday it still is for civil servants as we get an extra day off for the Queen's Birthday - I wonder how long that will last!). Went to a couple of garden centres with Madam and bought plants. Planted them up this afternoon and now awaiting the rain to make them grow. Not rained much at all here today despite the forecast. Back to work tomorrow but at least it will be a short week.

Oh, and I've decided to give up drinking for June. Apart from the one night I'm at a wine tasting obviously. Just want to show myself I can do it (and consume a few less calories too hopefully). That's all. J x