Reality Check

So, I've been really light hearted and have made things really easy for people on this blog recently.  But it is time that we get back to the fact that I have cancer.  I have pain in my head and pain in my right shoulder now.  I suspect, although I'll allow that I don't know yet, that both these things are indications that the cancer is spreading in my body.  I hate to announce that but there is nothing to be gained by disguising what I think either.  

I've taken a number of painkillers tonight - paracetamol, ibuprofen, vodka etc...  but nevertheless I am in pain.  I've not (yet) accessed the strong stuff (tramadol, morphine etc) but think I will need to to at some point soon.

I know that this news will be difficult for some of you.  You, like me, will have focused recently on how well I've been doing.  But the fact of the matter is that I will die (am dying) of this disease and the likelihood is that this will happen in the not too distant future.  And that's shite.  I feel shite about that. But what are going to do about it?  Mere positive thinking will not cure me so gird your loins, and be prepared, for the crap. And trust me, dying is crap. But I'm prepared. I hope you are too. That's all. J x