Inconclusive

So, as ever with these things, I don't take the easy route.

The results from the biopsy are inconclusive i.e. they haven't been able to identify any cancer cells.  Everyone's first thought on hearing this will be "yay, it's not cancer" but hold your horses please.  The doctor says that at the multi-disciplinary team meeting the feeling is still that the most likely explanation of what I have got is lung cancer.  All the other symptoms point to this as does the CT scan I had which shows a "6cm mass".  They just haven't been able to find the actual tumour yet - and no, I'm not really sure why either.

So the next step is to take another CT scan.  This will show any changes that have taken place since the last scan which could be instructive.  Indeed there should be changes because my right lung has inflated a bit since they removed all the fluid from the pleural area.  It hasn't inflated fully - but there's a whole other story attached to this which isn't important right now.  The scan will take place next week and I have another appointment to see Dr Bailey next Friday.  So can we all keep our fingers crossed please?

And that's all I know at the minute which, I agree, isn't really helpful in the scheme of things.  Sorry.

Had a dreadful day yesterday.  Threw up all my chocolate torte in the hospital (sorry Ev - now to be known as the chick with the choc and the chuck!).  Twice.  Luckily I made it to the toilet each time - indeed the second time was in the middle of seeing Dr Bailey.  Then I had a dreadful night last night but my mother forced morphine down my throat this morning (despite all my bravado on the subject I do try not to take it if I can help it) and I've now slept and feel much better for it.

So that's where we are.  I intend taking the rest of the weekend quietly and hopefully will be feeling much better come Monday and can resume visits etc.  Thank you all for your continued support.  It really does help..  And that is all folks.  J x

The Lovely Ev

The chick with the choc.  Thank you Ev for another lovely torte.  I've had a slice already.  Yum.  Will post later re results.

Also thanks to the lovely Dani for the lovely book.  I shall tackle that once I've finished reading Pat's cast offs... :-)  J x

On The Train...

... and on their way.  The Aged Ps that is, are on their great Northerly migration.  They're staying until at least Denise gets back from Sri Lanka (a week tomorrow for anyone who doesn't already have the 12th starred as a red letter day on their calendar).

Have had a good day today (even though in a little bit of pain right at this moment).  Met Sara for coffee and exchanged news and heard all about her trip to Pembroke which sounded lovely.  I used to have a friend who had a holiday cottage in Pembroke and I used to go down and stay with her occasionally.  Its a lovely part of Wales and also very "English" (its known as "little England" - presumably because a lot of English people retire/holiday there).

Thence it was to Cafe Istanbul to meet with various representatives of the Leadership Team for the NW&NW Region of HMRC.  Lovely to see them all and talk about work again.  God I've missed that - in fact if it wasn't for Lesley I'm fairly sure I would have gone round the bend in the absence of news from work.  As anyone who knows me will know, I quite like my job.  :-)

Have also spoken to Denise and received my instructions about how the meeting with my consultant tomorrow is to be conducted. As ever she makes lots of very good points which will feed into my list of questions.

And that's about all for now.  Will blog again tomorrow after the constant's appointment to let you all know what has been said.  J x

A New Day

So feeling quite a bit better today.  But have cancelled one visit just in case.  Lesley, of course, will be round later to check on me and bring me some of DD's famous home-made soups.  May well try experimenting with some soup recipes when mother and father are here and can assist.

Have just had a chocolate mousse which, nutritionally speaking, probably hasn't helped much but will have a lot of calories in it.  I am taking a daily vitamin drink to make sure I get the ones I need.

Am not sure that vodka withdrawal feels quite like this but never having been through vodka withdrawal before I can't be sure.  I understand from Denise that it is World Temperance Day today and that Sri Lanka is observing this with a day-long ban on alcohol.  I would like us all to take a few moments to thing about Denise and what she must be going through.  Please support her in her hour of need by raising a glass in her name because she can't... :-)

A well wisher has sent me a DVD of Golden Girls series.  Not seen these for years so it will be interesting to see how they stand the test of time.  Thank you Cath, a lovely idea.

Ma & Pa arrive tomorrow so I need to do a bit of cleaning.  They'll just have to put up with some of the dust though or else just muck in with a bit of dusting themselves (to be fair, they always have). But I'm sure I can manage a bit of hoovering.

Have a lunch date tomorrow with a bunch of colleagues which will hopefully go ahead and go well.  I'll update you tomorrow.  And that's all for now.  J x 

A Bit Better Today

Had a really awful day yesterday in the end.  Spent most of it feeling quite ill and really had to force myself to eat something but even then didn't eat much.  I probably need to do something about this so I will ask the cancer nurse to give me a ring again and talk through what my options are.

Today is a little better although the feeling ill stuff comes and goes.  At least today its not constant.  Have a hairdressers appointment at 1600 which I will try and make as it will get me out of the flat and give me some fresh air.  Hopefully the exercise will do me some good.  And God knows my hair needs a cut.  I can virtually sit on it.  :-)

Thank you everyone for your continued good wishes.  They make all the difference in the world.  And its really odd who has taken the trouble to get in touch.  People who I didn't think knew me particularly well have got in touch with some lovely words and thoughts.  So thank you all.

Although I have made plans for meeting people for coffee later in the week (plans made last week when I was feeling quite well) please don't be annoyed if I cancel last minute as it really is an hour by hour thing with me at the moment.  Hopefully this won't continue much longer and the doctors/nurses will be able to recommend even more drugs for me to take.

And that's all for now.  J x

News & No News

The news is that I've spoken to the cancer nurse this morning and I now have an appointment to see Dr Bailey (my original consultant) on Friday afternoon.  But they still haven't had the biopsy results from the labs at Wythenshawe.  Not sure what all this is about but little I can do until someone is willing to tell me something.  Hopefully that will now happen on Friday.
She also confirmed that the phrase in my Disability Living Allowance award that I get the higher award "because you are virtually unable to walk" is just the standard phraseology and that the claim was properly made.  But if it is just standard wording then that seems wrong too.  Why would they have that as standard wording?  My Team member who used to work for the DWP confirmed that that was the case too.  Bizarre.

Aged Ps have decided to come back up on Thursday so that they're here when I get the results.

Not feeling grand at the moment but I had a good night and I've had some breakfast but no lunch yet.  Will try and have an Ensure once I feel a little better.  On the suggestions front, thank you for those (whether on here - Paul & Maggie - or by text - Ev).  Looking forward to lots of tasty treats now.  :-)  That's all bunnies.  J x

Theatre-Less

So, since feeling odd I decided not to chance Cabaret last night.  I didn't like the thought of being trapped in the middle of a row of seats and unable to leave quickly and easily if I felt the need.  And even if I hadn't actually felt the need I would have spent all night worrying about it and so not enjoyed myself.  For the same reason I'm not going to Jesus Christ Superstar tonight either.  Its a real shame but there you go.  Reports say that Will Young (and the production) was superb whilst Sally Bowles was less so.  Sian Williams (playing the landlady) was also very good.  I'd forgotten that the stage play differs quite a bit from the film and the landlady has a more major role.

Have felt not too good for most of today.  I did a drain this morning which produced minimal fluids but which didn't leave me feeling much better.  Perked up a bit this afternoon when Lesley visited and following an Ensure Plus.

I appear to have lost my appetite for Ensure Pluses and am trying to make myself drink them but even so I'm not having as many as I would normally.  This, of course, goes some way to explaining the weight loss.  Its over a stone and a half now and I don't want to lose any more so I'm trying my best to keep eating.  If anyone has any bright ideas on this (given all my known limitations) then please feel free to share.

Have left message for cancer nurse to phone me in the morning (assuming she's in the office tomorrow) as I want to know what's happening and when I'm likely to see anyone and I'm fed up just waiting around.

I finally enjoyed an episode of Dr Who last night.  Shame its the last one until Xmas.  But hey the Arthur and Merlin love-in starts again next week so that will keep me going.  So its Countryfile and Downton for me tonight...  Hope all you bunnies out there are having fun.  As soon as I know any results I'll post here.  Night all. J x

And Commiserations...

... to Denise who is having to watch cricket without the aid of alcohol today as it is some bizarre alcohol-free-religious-festival-thingy in Sri Lanka.  I might post her some drugs to help her through it.  J x

Oh And...

... Bon Voyage Fig (Lesbos) and Bon Voyage Sarah (South Africa). J x

Feeling a Little Odd

No other way to describe it really.  I slept well and am not in pain as such but just feel odd.  Maybe I need to do a drain but its only a couple of days since I did one and that produced bugger all fluid so I may leave it until tomorrow.

But I have Cabaret tonight and I don't want anything to spoil that.  Have just discovered though that all the arrangements I was making with Lesley about getting to the Lowry were a waste of time as she's at the matinee performance and I'm at the evening one!  Good job we found that out now...

Probably just need to drug myself up and take drugs with me.  Always good for a theatre trip in my experience.  :-)

Next week looking really busy for coffee meetings as there are a number of work events in Manchester and, HMRC people being HMRC people, everyone is looking to take advantage of getting their expenses paid to meet up with me!  I may have to draw up a waiting list.  Cancellations only...  We'll see.  I think Jane is looking to organise a lunchtime thing (she does like her lunches) and so I could see many people at once.

And that's the news for today bunnies, I'l post a theatre review tomorrow.  J x

Nearly There

Walked as far as Boots (Market Street) today from whence its just a hop skip and a jump to Harvey Nichols and the best espresso martini this side of the Pennines.  Do you hear that Harvey?  I'm on my way...

Met up with Lesley for a coffee (1130) and then Jane (1230) by which time I was all coffee'd out and walked home carrying my very beautiful and very lovely Diptyque candle (thank you Jane).  Its beautiful but I just have to be careful its not lit when the oxygen is turned on as oxygen + naked flame = lots of clearing up afterwards!

Had a good night last night and not in too much pain today (although I think I may have overdone it slightly by being out so long).  Lesson learned.  Shall stay in tonight and enjoy Gardeners World and True Blood.  Yay.

Discovered that weight loss (just over a stone) means I can now get into some of the clothes I bought after the last bout of cancer so thank God I hung onto them.  Still need to do a wardrobe edit though to get rid of stuff that I just don't wear/don't like/have never worn to a) make a bit of money and b) save having to buy a new wardrobe.  That will be next week's task.  Looking forward to it.  Trouble is that I rediscover things I'd completely forgotten I had (and therefore never wear) and fall in love with them all over again.  Even though I never wanted to.  What's a boy to do?  Can't help it.  :-)

That's all bunnies.  J x

So Long, Farewell...

... well you know the rest of the song.  Aged Ps have departed for shores bilingual and I've been on a road trip to Eccles with Lesley to pick up a parcel for Madam.  Very exciting stuff.

Didn't have a good night.  Not pain so much as discomfort.  Assumed this must be related to the fact that I'd waited an extra day to drain but then did that first thing this morning and there was only a minimal amount of fluid.  Not sure what's going on there (nor indeed what should be going on there).  Must make sure its on my list of questions for the doctors next week.

Seeing Ev later and am interested to see how I manage the walk into town because once I can do that comfortably I can go shopping, or back to work or whatever... :-)  That's all for now.  J x

Results to be discussed...

...next week.  Have spoken to Helen (my cancer nurse) who tells me that the results are in Wythenshawe but "haven't been typed up yet".  They will be discussed at the Multi-Disciplinary Team meeting on Friday morning (which will include Dr Bailey - MRI, Mr Soon - Wythenshawe and Mr Burt - Christie and any number of other people).  I then expect to be called in by one of the above for a discussion of options and more detailed prognosis.  So the wait goes on...

In the meantime have been to Sainsburys again this morning and am off to Denise's gaffe to meet Lesley for coffee in a minute.  The Aged Ps are talking about going home Friday as they have various appointments they need to attend to as well and they will come back up and as when needed. It will be good for us all to have a break from each other I think and I'm now capable of fending for myself pretty much.

Watched The Paradise last night - not a huge success I didn't think but it may develop over time.  Had a visit from Toby yesterday and was good to see him.  He's left me a copy of his wedding video to watch which is... lovely.  :-)  And that's all for now.  J x

Still No Word...

... from the hospital.  But it may be that the postman just wasn't able to get his scuba gear on today as there's been no post at all.

Welcome to Lesley on the blog - my current principal carer (in the absence of the carer-in-chief (oversea branch)).

Had a really good night last night (over 8 hours sleep) as used Drug Number 4 (Ibuprofen) as part of the heady cocktail I'm on.  Also had 2 beers but I'm sure this didn't contribute at all to the zzzs.

Made the trek to the local Sainsbury's and back with my father this morning - in the weather.  A round trip of 20 minutes.  It was  slow going but I don't appear to have suffered any adverse effects.  Off round the corner to meet Lesley for coffee tomorrow and then hopefully into Deansgate Nero on Thursday to meet Ev and Cath for coffee.  Its almost like being on holiday (apart from the cancer bit).

And not much else to report really.  Not enjoying Dr Who particularly at the moment.  I think they're missing Russell T but this week might be more exciting as the weeping angels are back.

And I'm sorry, but that's really all there is.  J x

No Word...

... from the hospital yet but it is only Monday.

A particularly wet Monday which has meant that the guttering for the flat above me has overflowed (the down pipe isn't big enough for Manchester-level rain volumes) and so have been mopping up somewhat where it leaks in through the doors onto the terrace.  Only happens with truly biblical downpours though.

Nevertheless Ma & Pa ventured out to Sainsburys in search of provisions and the Times crossword.  Mother was even double-anoracked.  Something I have never witnessed before.  I have a photograph but still lack the ability to transfer photos onto here.

Had a bad night, Saturday and a not good morning on Sunday.  But I drained my pleura Sunday afternoon (50ml) and feel much better for it.  Slept through last night and painkiller consumption is noticeably down today.

Bryn & Michelle popped in on Sunday and good to see them as ever.  Sounds like New York planning is going right to the wire and that as a result accommodation discounts are likely to be high.  No decisions yet from Denise as to whether she goes or not.  No visitors today but a team member coming tomorrow evening.

Denise still enjoying Sri Lanka but they have a bit of on-off monsoon there too I believe.

Getting a little bored now but was forbidden from leaving the flat today for the walk to Sainsburys.  Hopefully will be allowed out tomorrow and eventually for the walk into town to meet people for coffee.  Have the Lowry on Saturday (Cabaret with Will Young as the emcee) and MEN on Sunday (Jesus Christ Superstar - good review in The Times today) so need to start building up some strength soon...  That's all.  J x

A Trip Out!

Had an OK night but not pain free.  Had to get up at 0130 to take some drugs but otherwise a trouble free night.

Ma & Pa went of in search of newspapers this morning but managed to come back with my prescription for drainage bottles.  Well done them for showing initiative (and getting away with not paying for the prescription despite not having my pre-payment certificate on hand).

This afternoon though we all took a trip out to.... Sainsburys!  Where we purchased booze and mixers for booze.  Clearly an essential trip therefore.  Managed the drive there and the walk around the supermarket without too many ill effects although I did hurt myself getting in the car - you occasionally catch yourself in an unaccustomed position that uses one of your muscle groups damaged by the surgery and then have spasms of pain shooting across your side.  Luckily it doesn't last too long whilst affording the opportunity for some drama queeny squeals.  We are now all safely back at home watching One Man and His Dog on television.  Yes, really.  And no, I don't know why.

Gill calling round later so will be good to see her and find out how she's getting on with stuff.

Been a beautiful day and Mum has taken advantage of the weather by potting on some of the plants on my terrace for which I'm extremely grateful.  And that's about all for today.  Just waiting now for contact from the hospital to let me know when my results are back.  J x

Still All Good

So nothing went downhill yesterday afternoon/evening and the night was good too.  And today has been fine so far.  Yippee.  I do get the occasional stabbing pain which comes out of nowhere and manifests itself either in my abdomen or the right side of my back i.e. not at the wound site at all which is under my right arm.  There isn't anything I'm doing/eating/not doing that triggers these pains but they're easily controlled by the rather vast pharmacopeia available to me (and yes, I know that's a book but I like the word).

Still nothing from the hospital on any results but they did say that it can take up to 2 weeks for results to come back plus they normally have a multi-disciplinary team meeting on Friday mornings so they may have discussed any results this morning and a letter may already be in the post offering me an appointment.  We'll see.  But since its just a question of "which cancer is it?" rather than "is it or isn't it cancer?" the outcome is not quite as crucial and so I'm content to wait until they get in touch.

Aged Ps have gone out for lunch and shopping.  And Lesley is popping round for a glass of wine tonight.  Had a visit from a team member yesterday and it was really good to see him.  He's now got the blog address and so you may find him commenting on my comments in the future.  He's a great guy and I predict a bright future for him (and I'm not just saying that because he'l now be reading this!).

Jim has been doing his magistrating stuff today but didn't get to see Dale Cregan who appeared before a District Judge.  But he was in the same building.  Look forward to hearing all about that later.

News from Sri Lanka:  Madam being driven everywhere in tuk tuks and spending time on the beach as well as at the cricket.  There are also cocktails...

May take Aged Ps out for a drive tomorrow if good progress continues.

That's all for now.  J x

Who Knew?

Appears that I qualify for Disability Living Allowance (non means tested) of £130 per week.  Difficult one this because I feel a bit of a fraud if I do take it now as I'm on full pay from work but on the other hand who knows what is likely to happen further down the line and what sort of financial position I might be in?  I think I need to at least get a definitive diagnosis on what type of cancer this is before we go down that route.  I'll also, incidentally, qualify for a blue badge for parking the car.  Fab!

Everything was going so well yesterday when I blogged but then went downhill late afternoon/early evening when I had quite a lot of pain again.  I even had to resort to the take home morphine for the first time.  Luckily that hasn't continued though and I had another good night last night and another good morning so far today.  I've even managed to drain my pleura this morning (the amount of liquid was minimal but I'm not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing) without apparently giving myself a fatal infection (at least my temperature hasn't gone up yet).  In any case I'm not feeling breathless so it suggests there isn't a lot of fluid there pressing on my lung.  Which I think must be good.  My Oxygen SATS are also quite good at the moment during the day when I'm not using oxygen at all - just at night.

Had a call from the GP this morning and he's happy to come and see me if necessary.  We've left it that we'll see how things go this weekend and I'll call him if I want to see him next week.  In the meantime I'll have a visit from Rosie tomorrow anyway.

Spoke to Denise this morning who is enjoying the wonders of Sri Lanka which she says is a beautiful place.  The people are really nice too.  Everything is fine and hunky dory there (apart from having to watch cricket of course) and the temperature is a balmy 29C.

Aged Ps are fine and have just popped out for lunch as I have a visitor lunchtime today.  Also owe a few people phone calls this afternoon.

Can't remember if I explained that my mother has been given a three month reprieve from any further treatment so looks like they might be here until Denise gets back.  I'm not sure that will be completely necessary because I would hope that I just start to feel better and better as the days go on but lets wait and see.

And that's all for now.  Just about to take a couple of precautionary tramadol to se me through the afternoon.  Happy days!  J x

Early Days

So, my first night and day at home were terrible.  So much pain, discomfort, unwellnes and sickness.  But that all changed last night when I had 7 hours sleep and today when (so far, touch wood) I feel much better.  The fact that this transformation occurred at the the same moment as my parents arrived in Manchester is, I'm sure, a coincidence.  Also the consumption of a bowl of my own home made tomato soup is, I think, a similarly unrelated factor.

The District Nurse, Rosie (yes, really), called to see me and touch base yesterday.  She'll be back on Friday to take a stitch out of my side where the big drain on my lung was secured.

I still have a pleural catheter in my side (into the pleura, obviously) but this is just a tube with no bag attached.  Its my job, from time to time to hook up a vacuum bottle to they tube and drain any excess fluid from the pleura.  They've shown me how to do this once in the hospital but its a fairly complicated affair so I hope I remember everything I need to do tomorrow when I'm doing it on my own.  And you have to be so careful about making sure everything is absolutely sterile.  Fingers crossed I don't do something disastrous and drain my entire body of blood or anything.

Aged Ps have now gone out to lunch so have a bit of me-time now (and hence updating the blog).  Loads of you have been in touch and it makes me really happy that there are so many of you out there who care about me so a big thank you.  Its a bit difficult with my Team in work though because I do still want to be helping them as much as I can but now that I will no longer be their manager I also need to keep my nose out and let whoever is taking over get on with the job without me interfering all the time.  Trust me, its very difficult to do.

And that's about all the news so far.  May or may not get a visit from the GP but they seemed very keen to keep in touch and monitor my progress which is a comfort too.

Hope you're all keeping well and I'll update again soon.  J x

I've Done My Time

Now heading home. Hurrah. Will blog more fully from there since its easier to do from the lap top. That's all. J x

Rough Nights A Go Go

So again a rough night but not as rough as Saturday night so managed a few hours sleep at least. Not seen any doctors so far this morning but I have been shown how to - and indeed have now done - drain my pleural catheter. It's not pleasant and it's a bit complicated but it's not beyond my skill set. Not much fluid came out which presumably means the fluid isn't collecting particularly quickly. I don't know whether this is a good, bad or indifferent thing though. But it should mean I won't have to do it every day which I'm glad about.

Felt a bit sick this morning but then not had a bowel movement for days. Despite a ton of laxatives. They better kick in soon or I may explode!  More information perhaps than people want but tough. We deal with warts and all on this blog. Not that I have any. Warts that is.... J x

Oh and finally, before I forget, it looks like they'll be sending me home with some morphine. Party round my place then.... J x

Receiving Complaints

Yes actual complaints that the blog isn't being updated often enough so here goes...

Another rough night - everything is worse at night - but a not too bad day today. Still in maximum paracetomol but only had 2 doses of morphine so far. It's Sunday so it's been quite quiet although there was a doctors walk-around this morning. A chest x-ray was ordered and done. Presumably they'll look at this in the morning when deciding whether I can go home or not. Fingers crossed I can although I'll need to be shown how to operate this pleural catheter before they discharge me.

Jane & Bill visited this afternoon and brought me lots of lovely stuff and Jim due this evening. He's a bit tardy but everyone underestimates the size of this hospital.... And that's all folks. J x

Not Dead Yet

So. Stuff is happening. Didn't have a comfortable night. The breathlessness and pain seemed to be coming back and I panicked a bit. Anyway, on call doctor came to see me and after briefly running through his career history managed to persuade me that a nebuliser was the correct way to go it seemed to work in any case.

Have seen doctors this morning and had the big drain removed. It hurt a little bit and the site is still tender. This was accompanied by the return of my lower back pain. Oh joy. Because I'd missed that. Just about to have some paracetomol to help with that. I'll update progress later. J x

Only When I Laugh

Chicken pix?

An Update on a Further Update

I pressed the wrong button on the last update (shock horror) before I'd finished so this posting is a continuation of the one below - read that one first!

Pain, you'll be glad to hear, has gone from its previous sites. And not just because I'm on morphine either. When I woke up in agony just now, the agony was in a whole different place. Which is a good thing trust me.  STOP PRESS. Alison, whom I was just dissing, has stolen/borrowed (the details matter little to me at this point in time - see above re "agony") a new cylinder from another ward and we're good to go to ride that morphine train to dreamland... Those of you with whom I've discussed my latest hospital admission will know that dying doesn't frighten me, being in pain and unable to control it does.

It also means that the other pain (in my abdomen) is related to this admission and not something entirely new like appendicitis or similar. Regular readers will recall that I like to "do the double" from time to time (anyone else remember that hilarious time I had chicken pix and pneumonia?). This is a huge relief for me.

Essentially though we're back where we started and another biopsy has been sent off for testing. Up to two weeks (and here's me thinking the summer holidays were over). Perhaps they need to send it for testing abroad in an EU funded hospital in, say, Ibiza and the tester is busy helping their mate clean up the bar tables after a busy summer season? Anyway, it is what it is and I'll let you know the results when I know them.

And I think that's about all I have the energy to post at the moment. Good to see La Wensley is back in the fold (see earlier blog comments). Sorry I hadn't got round to telling you personally before this all kicked off. I'll blog more tomorrow. Perhaps after I've had another SLEEP! But the little green light in my re-found love is flashing invitingly at me saying "touch me, strike me, a little harder" (and all the other things buttons commonly say) and I think I'm about to give into temptation. See you on the other side dearest readers. Love/Live Jonathan x

In Further Updates...

Morning bloggers. You know how they say that love the second time round never works? Well I'm living proof that it isn't so. Me and the push-button-morphine-on-demand machine are here to re-affirm our views, stand up in front of the world and say that cross-bio-mechanical love is good, it is a valid lifestyle choice and we don't care who knows it. I've had a sleep, dear readers, a SLEEP. Yes, it was only 4 hours (we don't want to rush into new experiences too quickly), yes I was in agony when I woke up (I've yet to train my body to push buttons in my sleep - how do some of my colleagues manage it?) and yes I'm awake now (to the fact that the nurse on duty doesn't know to get hold of a new morphine cylinder to replenish my new love if to nothing else). It was sleep nonetheless and it was blissful (and dreamless as far as I can recall). But she better hurry up and get a replacement cylinder soon or we're all in big trouble - you should hear the noise these things make when they're empty...

In other news, my drain has leaked a bit. My sheets look like they're from a war zone. But not to worry, we've put extra dressings over the drain site and this means everything is OK. Apparently. I'm now not as sure of Alison, my care-giver, as I was last night. :-( Which is a shame because she's lovely and wants to help...

It Is Working. Yay!

So first impressions of Wythenshawe hospital aren't good. The admittance procedures are a complete bureaucratic farce - and we think we have problems in HMRC!

Don't like the nurse who's in charge of me. OK if I take my own painkillers? Fine, you can take them in the morning too. No checking what I'm on, whether I'm about to attempt suicide etc. also don't like the anaesthetist. He doesn't give a stuff about me and my pain and seemed put out that me and DD were asking questions.

However, we do like my consultant Mr Soon. Young-ish, possibly Korean, only one who shook my hand... and we do like Jonathan, our clinical support worker who has just shaved my chest. He doubts himself and worries about giving out the wrong drugs hence he won't train to be a nurse. Dear reader, I'm already working on it.

Looks like I'm first or second on the list in the morning so hopefully I'll be in a position to blog then and let you know how it all went. Sleep well. I won't. :-) J x

Testing

Now on ward (Ward F6, Bed 7) and seeing if this thing works.... J x

A Bed!

So, Wythenshawe hospital has just telephoned and they've found me a bed on Ward F6.  I'm to check in about 1600.  Not sure whether I'll be able to blog from my bed but I'll text people as and when I can.  Hopefully the op will be fine tomorrow and I'll be out and able to breathe early next week and then we shall see what we shall see.

Oxygen nurses came round yesterday and told me off for not using my oxygen enough.  So I've had in to on all day today which has been a complete pain.  Will be glad to be rid of it for a while.  And hopefully I'll be rid of some of this pain after the op too so I'll be able to sleep.

And that's all I know for now.  Denise will take me in and I will hopefully see some of you as visitors over the next few days.  Fingers crossed...  J x

Pre-Op Assessment

So it was off to Wythenshawe hospital yesterday for the pre-op.  This consisted of an ECG, blood tests and a chest x-ray all of which went smoothly.

However, I have also been getting terrible pains in my abdomen (never rains eh?) and wanted to get these checked out before the operation in case they hampered it in any way.  It seemed sensible to me to do this at Wythenshawe because this is where the operation is to take place.  So far, so good...

However, my assessment was "nurse-led" and, it appears, Wythenshawe has no doctors available unless you have an appointment.  My nurse (Caroline) did her best to try and find one but they were all either in theatre (despite being shown as "on call") or at other hospitals.  In the end I had to go to A&E in order to find a doctor.  Again, it seemed sensible to go to Wythenshawe A&E because if this was a separate thing that required admission I would at least be in the right hospital.  And how busy could A&E be in Wythenshawe on a Monday afternoon?  Of course the answer - as my good friend and constant companion Denise (an ex-Wythenshawe resident) pointed out - is very busy indeed.  We even had to queue to register.  Eventually got seen by an A&E doctor who couldn't help me and had to call on a specialist from - you guessed it - the Department I had been in for my nurse-led assessment.  Total fucking madness.

Anyway, Mr Prasaad (who I saw at MRI a week earlier) says he thinks its all connected to the cancer and so the abdominal thing shouldn't prevent the surgery going ahead.  Still means I'm not sleeping but its only for a few nights.

Can I just say at this point thank you to Denise.  She accompanied me the whole time we were there (about 5 hours in all) and was unfailingly cheerful and helpful.  I'm sure this won't be the last time I thank her on this blog.

She has a day off today but I will be visited later by the oxygen nurse, Sara and Gill so won't be bored.  Will also try and catch up on some sleep and pack my stuff for hospital tomorrow evening.

That's all for now.  Will update later if anything exciting happens.  J x

The Truth. The Whole Truth. And a Bit of Personal Comment.

Firstly, apologies are in order as I haven't blogged for some time despite the momentous events that have been taking place.  That is because I wanted to speak to as many of you as I possibly could before posting what has happened here.  Most of you should already know by now that I have been diagnosed with lung cancer. For the record, this is how it happened...

I took two (glorious) weeks of annual leave to watch the Olympics on the telly.  And they were glorious weeks.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  Upon my return to work the following Monday I noticed that I was slightly out of breath when I climbed the stairs in the office.  I didn't think too much of it though as I had spent the previous 2 weeks on my arse on the sofa and was probably a little out of condition.  However, as the week went on things didn't improve and, if anything, got slightly worse.  I therefore decided to make an appointment to see my GP the following week to discuss the matter.

However, on the Saturday I noticed that my temperature was rising slightly (but not worringly so).  Having had pneumonia before and waited so long to get it checked out that I had to be taken to hospital by ambulance I decided to preempt matters and go directly to A&E at Manchester Royal Infirmary.  My best friend in the world, Denise, accordingly obliged by driving me there.  At A&E they took a chest X-Ray which they described as "sufficiently impressive" and decided to admit me.

I was initially admitted to Ward 15 (which is the medical assessment ward) and spent three days there whilst they took samples of the fluid that had accumulated in my pleura (the pleura is a sort of a bag that enclose the lung to protect it).  The fluid in the pleura was compressing my lung which was what was causing my breathing difficulties.  By this time I was on oxygen as the oxygen saturation levels (SATS) in my blood were on the low side.

The fluid they sampled is normally clear but in my case it was filled with blood which was starting to ring alarm bells.  In addition I noted that I did not have the sort of cough (full of phlegm - apologies) that had accompanied the previous bout of pneumonia.  Whilst they awaited the results of the tests I was transferred to ward AM1 (Acute Medical) which is a respiratory diseases ward.

Once on AM1 they sent me for a CT Scan which showed definitively that I had lung cancer and that it had already spread beyond the lung.  This news was devastating as you can imagine.  When I was given the news by the consultant I pretty much broke down not only because of the news but also because I was going to have to tell my parents.  How does one tell one's parents who have already lost one child (you will recall that we lost Sally to MS eleven years ago) that they will also lose their other child.  I just cannot imagine what they are going through although I can see that they are doing their best to be strong for me.  But its not easy for them.

I asked the consultant what the survival rates were for lung cancer and his answer made me laugh when he said "well, some people live for four years".  Of course that was not the question I had asked.  I was asking for the percentage of people who actually got better but it appears that no-one does.  Discussions with a different consultant the following week elicited the response that "we're looking at months rather than years in your case".  But I don't know how many months at this stage because we don't know yet which of the many types of lung cancer I have.

I have had a biopsy and a bronchoscopy both of which have been inconclusive.  The biopsy was difficult because of the blood in the fluid (or pleural effusion) which meant they couldn't be sure they were taking samples from the right place.  The results from the bronchoscopy came back as "serious but not diagnostic" i.e. there were abnormal cells but not of sufficient quality for them to make a firm diagnosis of the type of cancer I have.  Which leads me to what is happening next week.

I have been discharged from MRI and am now at home along with a lot of oxygen bottles and I go into Wythenshawe hospital where they will perform surgery under general anaesthetic to establish once and for all the type of cancer.  At the same time they will drain the pleural effusion and fill the gap with talcum powder (I know!) which will cause the pleura to stick to the lung which will mean that no further accumulation of fluid can take place. And once all that has been done I can start making plans about what to do with the time I have left.

I have been told that I can't fly and I wouldn't get travel insurance now anyway so a round the world trip is not on the cards.  Visits to parts of Europe should be doable though but I'll just need to check out medical arrangements.  I may be fit enough to return to work although given that fact that I have a terminal illness I doubt it will be to my old job.  But plans will be able to be made after next week which is encouraging.

How do I feel?  Not distraught.  I smoked for 25 years and so have no-one to blame for this but myself.  This cancer isn't related to my previous cancer but is a whole new thing.  I'm not worried about dying as my belief system is such that I don't believe any form of consciousness survives death and so the only people to be affected by my death will be the people I leave behind.  I have led a full, interesting and fulfilling life and so I have no regrets about opportunities missed or squandered.  I have been successful in my career and have "made a difference" in my view during my time on this planet.  Indeed I only need to think about all the wonderful friends I have (you would not believe how many cards I've received) to realise that I have lived a good life.  I have upset people along the way (sometimes in a good way) and if you're still upset with me over something then I'm sorry about that but, really, grow up and get over it.  My life really is too short to be worrying about that sort of thing...

The only thing I worry about is the period that leads up to death.  Pain and a loss of control scare me.  I'm assured by nurses that hospices and other care workers prioritise pain relief over prolonging life so that if it is a question of giving you pain relief that is going to kill you they will give it anyway which gives me comfort.  I do want my friends and family to realise though that any decisions made are mine to make.  I will always try and take other people's feeling and wishes into account but at the end of the day (which it will really be this time) I will need to make decisions that are right for me.  If these decisions upset you I apologise but know that I will be doing the right thing for me.

That's all for now.  I will update following next week's hospital admissions.  Questions?

Quick Blog Before Bed

Closing ceremony was pants - I haven't even watched it all yet.  Had enormous fun slagging it off though whilst simultaneously texting DD, Lesley & Fig.

Mother has appointment next Monday to get the results of her scan.  Fingers crossed.

Can't believe I didn't win £148m.  Gutted.  That's all.  J x

Sad Now

All over.  Boo hoo.  Have thoroughly enjoyed the last two weeks.  Good decision to take the time off.  And fantastic that we got a medal in the very last event.  Hope the closing ceremony is good (like Nanny I will be disappointed if its all just music).  Also hope that when the DVD comes out that its sufficiently detailed to be worth the re-watch and not just playing to the lowest common denominator.  I reckon it will take about a 10-DVD-box set to do the event sufficient justice.

Not particularly looking forward to going back to work but am sure I'll soon get my enthusiasm back once I'm there.  Will be looking to make marginal gains like our cyclists do in order to make it even better.

That's all.  J x

Back In Manchester...

...but not back to work until Monday.  Yay!

Yesterday wasn't bad news.  To hospital lunchtime for father to have his regular warfarin blood test.  No worries there.

Afternoon saw us back to hospital for Mum to see the oncologist for her ovarian cancer.  Oncologist is happy not to re-start the chemotherapy unless and until the secondary tumour on her adrenal gland starts growing again.  She is recommending scans at 3 monthly intervals.  The PET scan on Tuesday will be the first but the results weren't back yet.

The lung chap (remember the spot?) will also have a look at the PET scan and call Mum in either next week or the week after depending on how quickly the report comes back.

So at the moment, no news is good news but watch this space.

Golds in boxing and Strictly Come Dressage today so well done Team GB.  I am feeling a little uneasy about this total focus on golds though (and I'm as bad as the next person in doing it).  I know that the "taking part" attitude sounds a bit old hat and I do think that it is worth striving for something and aiming for goals (if that's your thing) but gold at all costs with everything else being a failure doesn't sit well either.  What is the answer?  No idea but happy to receive your thoughts (assuming anyone apart from Fig and Nanny a) read this and b) can remember how to comment!).

Spoke to Jean whilst I was in Swansea.  I used to work with Jean in the post office over 20 years ago and we haven't spoken since until recently.  How fantastic she managed to track me down.  Will now arrange a meet up next time I'm down the road again.

And that's all for now.  Great to see the Aged Ps but also goos to be back on my own sofa.  TTFN.  J x

So Much For My Good Feelings

Boyo didn't have it when it counted.  I'm sure he (and we) will all learn valuable lessons from this experience.

Just the 2 golds today (can't believe I'm writing that) both from siting down.  A bronze from the swinging around bars with big teeth.  I do like Beth though.  She's nice in a working-class way while all our rowers seem to be nice in an upper-class sort of way.  Can anyone tell me why we seemingly have no working-class rowers and no upper-class gymnasts?  Don't even get me started on women's fighting events...

Off to Cardiff tomorrow for Mum's scan.  She's very nervous but its not tomorrow she needs to be nervous about: tomorrow is just the process.  Its when we get the results (not known at this stage) that is the time for us to be nervous.  This argument has little effect though.

Anyway, fingers crossed everyone please.  I'll let you know how it all goes.  J x

Of Course...

... the footballers let us down.  David wouldn't have missed a penalty.

More golds yesterday - Andy Murray (still can't stand him) and the sailing.  Bound to be more today too.  I have a good feeling about Dai Green.  And so close for our gymnasts.  But silver and bronze a superb result.  And come on Beth.  Olga Korbut (yes, the Olga Korbut) thins our Beth will get gold.  Yay.

Now back in Swansea for various medical ferrying duties for Aged Ps.  They both look and seem well in themselves which is good.  Fingers crossed for the various results.  J x

Indescribeable

3 golds in the stadium - fantastic, exciting, emotional, nerve-wracking and now a fucking penalty shoot-out.  You couldn't make this up... J x

Comedy Cycling

Apparently its an olympic sport now.  That Omnium stuff is just insane.

400m hurdles was tense though.  Good job Dai qualified (even though he's an arrogant bastard).  But to be fair all athletes are self-centred, arrogant bastards.  At least if they're any good they are (take note Becky Adlington - don't be so nice).

Was genuinely moved earlier by the tearful interviews with the rowers who got silver medals.  I suspect that it won't be shown again as it was heart-wrenching stuff.  I'll see if I can dig it up on You Tube.  J x

Dwain Chambers

Shouldn't be there in my opinion.  Simple as.  Harsh but its all about the message it sends.  J x

OMG

Another rowing gold.... Its unbelievably exciting.  J x

Another Gold

In the rowing.  Nothing in the triathlon unfortunately although she tried so hard bless her.  And young Jess had a superb long jump.  Fingers crossed for the javelin.  And all 3 of our 400m men are through to the semi-finals.  See what I mean about so much stuff going on?  More rowing now.... J x

Its All Too Much

There's just so much going on.  I'm channel hopping whilst also following stuff on my laptop.  And its all so exciting.  Now watching triathlon where we appear to be in with a good chance of a medal... Back soon.  J x

Come on Jess

These Olympics are just fabulous.  Another gold this morning... J x

Unbelievable

I'm watching judo, boxing and shooting and loving it.  Its Olympic madness I tell you.... Just fab!  J x

Gold

At last.  And a bronze.  Come on Wiggo.  J x

Unbelievable

The London 2012 website is just incredible.  I've just watched the 200m butterfly final (real shame Phelps didn't win even though he's an arrogant sod) but my computer screen was updating with the swimmers' split times once they were about 4 strokes into the new length.  How fantastic is that?  I love London 2012.  :-)  J x

But While I'm At It

Just Keeping This Safe

Congratulations III

To me for discovering the London 2012 website which is live streaming all the stats from the equestrian event.  All the facts and figures a (geeky) boy could want.  I can now watch it on the telly and understand what's going on at the same time.  Hope this works for the other events too... J x

Congratulations II

To the British equestrian Team.  2 silvers and counting... J x

Congratulations I

To my friend Karen, who has just been given her Grade 7.  Fantastic news for her and well-deserved.  She's coming up to Manchester soon to celebrate with new shoes.  :-)  J x

How Dramatic?

Finally calmed down after the gymnastics.  Couldn't believe it when it looked like we had silver but I'm happy with bronze which is a huge achievement anyway.  Nice that William & Harry were there to see the end too.  Now watching swimming and finding it a bit disappointing at the moment.  What happened to that fantastic coach we had that was going to transform it for us?  Anyway, updates soon... J x

Nooooooooooooo

Well, that was bollocks.  Interestingly, my Big Book of Olympic Stuff informs me that Mexicans have won medals at diving on loads of occasions.  Who knew?  But frankly, give me a Cuban anytime.  Poor Tom.  At least they both fucked up the same dive rather than just one of them throwing it away.  Fingers crossed for the individual competition.  I didn't even particularly like their speedos.

Am now watching the gymnastic (men's) team final.  UK doing OK and gymnasts keep taking their shorts off and showing us their pants.  Which is nice.  It also seems that the Countryfile bloke (Matt Baker) knows a bit about gymnastics so I looked him up on Wikipedia and turns out he used to be a gymnast up until he got diagnosed with anaemia when he was 14.  So turns out he does know what he's talking about so I apologise unreservedly for my earlier comments.  UK are currently in  third place at the half way point.  The Ukrainians have the cutest team.  J x

Go Tom Go

Fingers crossed.... J x

Day 3

No medals today yet.  But Tom in speedos is coming up later.  Did I mention he'll be wearing speedos?

So far today I have been watching fencing (impenetrable rules and clothing), cross-country (horses), rowing (Go Grainger!), canoe slalom (very wet) and swimming (tight stuff).  I loooooove the Olympics.  But not enjoying Gary Lineker at all.  Now I have nothing against Gary as such, he's a great football commentator, he dresses well and, assuming he's had as much work done on his body as he has on his face, I'm willing to bet he looks OK with his clothes off too. But he knows nothing about any other sports.  They've had to take Ian Thorpe out of the studio that had Gary in it because he was getting so annoyed with La Lineker's inane comments about swimming.

Commentators doing well so far, imho, are Mark Foster and Clare Thingy on swimming and that guy who gets ludicrously over-excited at the rowing.  And, of course, Sir Steve.  Chris Boardman on the cycling has been good too although I think he doesn't get on well with his co-commentator either.

And who decided that guy off Countryfile would be good commentating on gymnastics?  He knows nothing.

But that's my rant over for the day.  Likely to blog later about Tom.  In speedos.  Him, not me that is.  J x

Bronze

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!  She swam her heart out bless her.  I love her.  J x

Other News

Went to Christies on Thursday for my annual health check.  Saw the lovely Sean but missed the lovely Debbie.  Everything OK thank you for asking.

Dad doing OK although they can't operate on his right eye to remove something left over from his cataract operation.  Consultant thinks this shouldn't affect the DVLA's attitude to him keeping his driving licence.  I'm not so sure.

Mum has to go to Cardiff on 07/08 for a scan in a special scanner they have there so I'll go home and drive them up - lucky I was on holiday anyway!

Will let you know how it all goes.  J x

Day 2

Phew.  Silver.  Well after the disappointment of yesterday that medal was very welcome.  And what an exciting finish!  I had a knot in my stomach during the last kilometre.  I was sure she'd get the gold because she had the advantage of surprise.  But we honestly couldn't have asked any more of her I think.

Added to that Lewis won the Hungarian Grand Prix (not that I was watching s i was glued to the cycling.  And Rebecca Adlington has qualified for the 400m final (albeit in 8th).  But the 800 is her speciality.  Now watching the women's synchronised diving.

Oh and well done Team GB men's gymnasts on qualifying for the final too.

Went to Tatton last night for the Halle Fireworks thing with the lovely Jane and the lovely Bill.  Music and fireworks were sublime as ever (for the most part) but the skies emptied soon after we arrived and we got really wet.  And then we got really cold which took the shine off a little bit.  We are used to rotten weather but not quite as bad as it was last night.

Never mind though - SILVER MEDAL.  Yay.  J x

Day 1

Fantastic opening ceremony last night shared with friends.  Spectacle, humour, British "values", votes for women (for the benefit of the Muslim countries attending), Daniel Craig, and some truly wow moments.  The lighting of the cauldron brought a tear to my eye.

Have now watched some archery, rowing and now looking at the cycling awaiting our first Gold.  Go Team GB.

Off to Tatton Park tonight for the fireworks concert.  Fingers crossed on the weather front.  J x

The Olympics!

Its the Olympics!  Yay! I have 2 weeks off work.  Double Yay! Expect regular blog updates over the next fortnight bringing you right up to date with all things Olympics and all things Jonathan.  J x

How Beautiful Is This?

"Kinetic Rain" Changi Airport Singapore from ART+COM on Vimeo.

Busy & Important...

... well busy anyway.  In London yesterday for "Unlocking the SCS" which pretty much convinced me that I don't want to be in the SCS!  I don't think that was the idea though.   Left the house at 0530 in the morning and didn't get home until 2145.  Bloody nightmare public transport.  Lifts out, trains delayed and seat reservations cancelled... God!  And then off to Manchester Metropolitan University (new building) today to sort out this bloody accreditation thing.  To be honest though I feel like I'm making some real progress which is pleasing.  Hopefully others will agree (but what's the chances of that?).  Will be back down to London to present my findings to the great and the good on 18/07.  Which means they need my "paper" by 11/07 which means not much time at all.... oh its all a bloody treadmill.

Anyway, a weekend off this weekend and out for a curry with DD & friends tomorrow night.  Hurrah.  Also, have Italy in the sweep at work so reckon I'm in line for some dosh anyway... That's all for now.  J x

Congrats...

... to my mate Karen for getting through the Grade 7 gateway (or whatever its called now).  And good luck to her for the upcoming interview.

Mrs T is another year older which just makes her another year more adorable.  Happy Birthday hon.  Sorry we haven't talked for a while but as you can see from the blog there's been a lot going on recently.  I'll be on to you soon.  The Aged Ps and me were hoping to make it up to Edinburgh soon but not sure when that will happen now what with all t'trouble at home at the moment.  Trust me that once I have any dates I'll be straight onto the phone to you.

That's all.  J x

Night Out

So it was off to Number One First Street tonight for Manchester Lines.  Can't say I was a big fan.  Performers were great and it was a great idea but it wasn't written terribly well I felt.  Bryn and Michelle seemed to agree with me whereas Denise and Lesley disagreed.  Hey ho, I like what I like.

Then off to (a quiet) Felicinis for food.  Nice in the way that Felicinis is nice.  Off to B&M's tomorrow night to discuss New York.

Bryn seems to be doing OK but he has a lung biopsy due in two weeks or so.  We need to wait and see the outcome from that before we make any firm plans though.  He seems a lot better than he was (see earlier blog) but he is on quite a high steroid dose at the moment.  Finger's crossed its an easily treatable thing.  He must be really scared though.  I know I would be.  I'll let you know more when I do.  That's all.  J x

Come on Italy

(I've got them in the office sweep).  Obviously I want England to do well too... J x

Now Back In Manc

Good journey home, dry and roads weren't too crowded.  Ageds are OK.  Dad saw the nurse this afternoon and his blood pressure and stuff are all OK.  I'm back down in 4 week and so will be able to check on their progress then.  But I'm sure they'll do just fine... J x

Talk About Slave LAbour...

So I've been out doing gardening this afternoon.  Phew, I'm exhausted.  I must have been out there in the sweltering sun for... oooooh... half an hour at least.  And then I had to get my dad a glass of water.  Honestly they don't know how lucky they are to have me.  Which pretty much goes for HMRC too as I spent a couple of hours on work as well once I'd finished all the running around after the Aged Ps.

Definitely back up North tomorrow though and the forecast isn't too bad for the weather so the journey should be OK.  That's all.  J x

Sunday Morning

HappyFather's Day to any fathers out there. Dad seemed happy with his book on the olympics that I posted to him at great expense and helped him open this morning...

Everything seems better in Swansea today.  The sun is shining (yes, really - but only temporarily) and Dad seems much more together.  Both he and Mum slept well (they didn't get up until gone 0800 which is unheard of)and he managed to get most of his breakfast himself.  Doesn't seem confused or anything either which I'm really relieved about.  And of course the pain doesn't seem too bad.


Plan is to return to Manchester tomorrow.  That's all for now.  May update later today.  J x

Now Home

Dad looks dreadful. He bashed some of his face when he fell and his face now has that "pushed out of a taxi by Denise" look i.e. badly bruised down one side (in much the same way as mine was when I was so cruelly pushed out of that taxi by Denise a number of New Years Eves ago). He's also quite unsteady on his feet and appears a little confused at times. I suspect this is the shock though and he will recover from both these symptoms in a short time. He needs to keep his arm in a cast for about 6 weeks but they will re-evaluate the situation next week at the Fracture Clinic. His fingers (and especially his thumb) poking out of the end of the cast appear quite bruised too. Mum seems to be doing OK. Coping as usual. I'm proud of her and proud of my Dad too for being so stoical about all this. They're great parents. I just hope I'm a good son. And honestly that isn't a cue for lots of nice comments. But that's all for tonight. I'll update again as the weekend goes on. J x

Home Again, Home Again

Clippety Clop. So, father has taken a tumble and broken his left wrist. It happened yesterday morning and he went to casualty where they put him in plaster and gave him paracetomol. Bloody bloody nurses. What the f is wrong with them? A broken wrist and you're given paracetomol? Of course its not quite as simple as it sounds as he's on warfarin which means there are many painkillers he's not allowed to take. But even so. He's on co-codomol now which they gave him at the fracture clinic this morning. He sounds OK and the pain has eased from yesterday. I'm off home tomorrow and have taken Monday off. I'll update you when I've seen him. He has to be in plaster for 6 weeks. Luckily its his left wrist but its a huge inconvenience all the same. It means their trip to London os off as is their trip to Devon. Luckily Mum has finished her chemotherapy so she's able to look after him. But then if she was still on chemotherapy they wouldn't have gone shopping so he wouldn't have slipped. Swings and slides etc. In other news I did some training at the helpline yesterday evening on tackling calls from boys and men who have been sexually assaulted. Not a bundle of laughs I can tell you but I feel a lot better about taking that sort of call now. Luckily I've only ever had one call on that topic but it upset me for days. Still the trip home will mean I'm with Dad for Father's Day on Sunday and can help him open the present I spent a fortune sending through the post... That's all. J x

A Bit of Culture

So off to Liverpool last night (yes really, for culture) to see the Liverpool Philharmonic. Beethoven's 9th was stunning. Peter Maxwell-Davies's 9th was a little more challenging but not wholly unpleasant. Plus it was a premiere for his piece and the composer himself was there and took a bow. Sadly Beethoven couldn't make it. But the Philharmonic concert hall is lovely and the orchestra and chorus very good. The conductor is Russian and really quite cute although he does wear quite cheap clothes.. Really old fashioned venue though and in a nice up and coming part of Liverpool. Plenty of bars and restaurants in the area. And then we went to the Philharmonic pub afterwards which is just the most glorious Victorian pub with what appears to be all its original features still in place. And then the train home. Luckily not the last train home and so not completely filled with drunks and the like. Manchester Day Parade today but the barbecue has been cancelled. Probably for the best given the weather. In other news, mother has been told that she won't be getting any more chemotherapy but before we all get too giddy about this, its because it may be affecting the nerves in her leg. On the one hand this is good news - her cancer markers are low enough that they feel they can safely do this. But on the other hand she needs to see a specialist for her leg so we're not sure what the outcome of that will be. She has also been referred back to the surgeon (if you remember she originally had surgery but they couldn't remove the tumour because of its size and where it was). It may be that it has now shrunk enough for them to do the surgery again. A prospect that does not fill my mother with glee. Anyway, I'll let you all know how things develop. For the moment she feels quite well though and my Dad seems to be doing OK too. Hurrah!. In other, other news, Bryn has been diagnosed with ILD. Some sort of lung disease (you may remember that I said he sounded terrible he other week when DD and I went round for dinner). The good news is that it is treatable with steroids. Again, I'll let you know how things develop. That's all for now. J x

Day Three

So this morning we went to Aberglasny. Lovely gardens with a lovely little restaurant. Unfortunately because the weather was so nice everyone else had the same idea so the restaurant was full to bursting. So we just did the gardens and then stopped off at a pub on the way home for lunch. Once back it was out into the garden to a) take down the bird box - as suspected, a dead chick inside which explained why the parents hadn't been back, b) plunder my mother's plant stock for some acquilega, honesty and something else whose name I've forgotten but its quite pretty. We also needed to watch Andy Murray's game against that French geezer who should be prettier than he is. Andy won much to the distaste of the French crowd. Am setting off early tomorrow as we're expecting everyone who was on the road coming down to Swansea to be on the road going back too! In other news - it's Karen's birthday (happy f*cking birthday darling), the walkers have reached the end of Hadrian's Wall (congratulations one and all) and the boys on the Warrington food market have sold out of chilli (well done). And that's all.

Day Two

So off to Clyne Gardens in the rain this morning. We've missed the best of the rhododendrons but they're still lovely gardens anyway. And it didn't rain too hard. And the rain meant they weren't too busy either. Mum and Dad managed the winding pathways and sometimes steep climbs well too so I was happy about that. Will be watching the boat thing this afternoon. That's all. J x

Home Again, Home Again

So hello once more Swansea. Journey here was horrible - so much traffic and many many roadworks. The Ageds are doing OK. Weather forecast is rubbish though so don't know how much we'll be doing. Do fancy a trip to Aberglasny though whilst I'm here. That's all. J x

I Liked Norway Too

For so many reasons... ;-) J x

Eurovision Was a Triumph

But not for UK. Had enormous fun texting Fig till my fingers bled during the contest. Italy was my favourite followed by Russia. Albania was dreadful. That's all. J x

Catch Up

So its been a busy week, as ever. Was in London on Tuesday to get some training for the Civil Service Fast Stream Mentoring programme. It was fun but was astonished by the number of people there in their twenties, fresh faced from University and yet already working with Ministers and the like. Clearly the HMRC graduate-entry programme is somewhat different to the usual fast stream programme. No regrets though... Was out at B&M's for dinner on Friday but unfortunately Bryn was quite unwell (now feeling better thank God as he had us all a bit worried) so we didn't do a lot of New York planning. Never mind, plenty of time. DD and I caught the tram home in the pouring rain. Then off to Leeds yesterday for a garden party at Sarah & Hugh's. It was looking good when I set off because it was so sunny in Manchester I had my sunglasses on but by the time the train got to the other side of the Pennines it was grey and cold and miserable. Had a good time at the party anyway and met some lovely people and caught up with others I hadn't see for a while. Also watched their nesting box live feed (they cost about £200 apparently) which was quite exciting... for a while. Think I'd rather spend my money on a shirt which, coincidentally, was what happened yesterday morning. Lovely Madras check shirt from Gant. Unfortunately I managed to dribble chocolate from the chocolate fountain all down it! Memo to self: marshmallows will never feature in your list of manageable foodstuffs... But I did manage to catch sight of Caitlin Moran in Harvey Nichols. I'm a big fan of hers but luckily managed to restrain myself from going up to her and gushing like a chocolate fountain. Also saw a gorgeous jacket in Calvin Klein Collection. The bad news is it costs £795. The good news is that Harvey Nichols has a 50% off sale on Wednesday and the jacket is in it. Not sure I'll be buying though (these are austere times after all - memo to Fig: please do not add a comment detailing the price of clothes I've purchased in the past - that was all long ago and far away). We'll see. Aso this week had the pleasure of watching Salford Amateur Operatic Society's show "60 Glorious Years". Which was a trip through all the musicals they've done over the past 60 years since they were formed. All of them. 60 years. In a church hall. In Eccles. But very excited about booking tickets for Jesus Christ Superstar at the MEN in September. Some bizarre actors involved (Chris Moyles as Herod? Melanie C as Mary Magdalene?) and I understand that Mr Lloyd-Webber will be doing one of his TV search for a star things to find the person to play Jesus. But I think the musical should work well in an Arena. Its a big show with a big story and big music. I'm particularly ken to keep an eye out for the "leper-acting" (you'll understand that comment Fig). Finally, cannot sign off without mentioning the sad loss of Donna Summer. All gay people of my generation will understand that my love for her music is not without complications. She found God and said some stupid things about AIDS but her music was era-defining and she kept going for a long time. I'm sad she's died. That's all. J x P.S. Her dancing wasn't always the best.... :-)

Back in the North

Easy journey home. Traffic not bad at all. Ma & Pa doing much better. Looking at them coming to stay with me for the jubilee bank holiday. On the down side, looks like I might not be able to go the match tomorrow after all... :-( That's all. J x

Hope This Works

Its hilarious. Its really funny on its own but if you've seen the video "it gets better" telling kids its OK to be gay then its hilarious...

Beautiful Day

... so everyone is feeling better. Have been to the local botanic gardens this afternoon which are just lovely. Mother, of course, had to pass comment on the fact that whilst it may all look lovely now it wouldn't look so good once all the plants were dead! Honestly, that woman's glass is never half full. Tried inflating my tyres using Dad's tyre-inflator-machine-thingy but that seems to be broken so I'll have to do it in the garage on my way home as my tyres are looking a little saggy! Also went to a garden centre this morning - Wyevale - which was actually rather nice. Lots of Union Jack stuff around though but not any bunting. Anyone got any idea of where I can lay my hands on some Union Jack bunting ready for the jubilee weekend? Looks like the Aged Ps may be coming to Manchester for that weekend too all being well. Home tomorrow and then, hopefully, football on Sunday. That's all for now. J x

Still Raining...

...but Aged Ps seem to be feeling a little better today. Had a trip into town this morning and then Ma & Pa went for a pub lunch whilst I continued to wander around town visiting Debenhams (as bad as I imagined) and Topman (the Swansea store not being as nice or as trendy as the Manchester one). I remain a fan of Topman though for its brave philosophy in bringing fashion forward clothes to the people who can't afford proper fashion. Off to the Swansea botanic gardens tomorrow. Mother's appointment with the consultant has been cancelled though on account of the consultant being unwell so I won't be able to accompany her which is a shame. Consultant heal thyself! That's all. J x

Lovely Day in Swansea

So am off to the National Botanic Gardens. But on my own. Mother isn't up to it and father would prefer to stay home and look after her. We may go to the Swansea Botanic Gardens locally later in the week en famille. Mum isn't having a good time of it this time (just had third cycle) but I guessed the effects would be somewhat cumulative. At least she's now half way through the treatment which is good (although she's feeling so rotten she can't focus on this at the moment). Hopefully I'm a distraction just by being home. That's all for now. J x

Home Once More

So made the journey down to Swansea today. Roads were pretty clear and it didn't rain much at all (apart from just outside Bridgend - which is pretty normal!). Ma & Pa seem OK. Mum is a bit wobbly and craving beetroot but otherwise OK. And Dad hasn't coughed at all yet which is good. Have various doctor/hospital trips to make with them this week and then back up to Manchester on Saturday. Hopefully going to see City play on Sunday - the deciding match - but having dangled a ticket in front of my face DD is now having second thoughts... Never mind, I'll watch on telly anyway. Will be great for them to win the league. Everyone else is OK as far as I can tell. So its all looking good at the moment. Have my hernia consultation on 18/05 and following my conversation with Pat the nurse over dinner on Friday (at the very lovely Maggie & Paul's - the soup, nettle and wild garlic, was to die for and there is now some sat in my freezer, yum) it looks as though it isn't my stomach poking out but rather my liver which is a little more worrying although I'm not sure why. Anyway, we'll see what the doctor says. That's all. J x

Come on City

Nearly there... :-) J x

Was I Exaggerating Mary? Please don't watch if you're easily offended. But if you do have a sense of humour press Play now! J x

My heading function appears to have disappeared. How did that happen? Hope you are all well. Mum is doing not badly considering she's going through chemotherapy. Dad isn't well though as he has a chest infection which has knocked him for 6 a bit. He's on antibiotics so hopefully they will help soon. I'm off home next week at some point so I'll be able to let you have more details at that time. Sorry again for the long absence. That's all. J x

I'm rubbish at this...

Visitors

So Fig has been up for Easter. Was great to see him and we had a fabulous time. We shopped, we dined (the Norther Quarter Restaurant with DD & B&M which was great once they'd sorted out our table but then we were the last to leave too), we drank ourselves into oblivion (most of the bars on and off Canal Street) and we played Playstation until our fingers bled (Skyrim for anyone interested). He's v excited at the moment as he's about to exchange on his new house and I'm very pleased for him as its been a bit of a journey to get this far (as it often is with houses even in these austerity times).

Elsewhere, Mum has had her second cycle of chemotherapy (yesterday). Bit too early to say whether this one will make her as ill as the last one but she's on different anti-sickness tablets this time so fingers crossed. It still won't be fun of course but hopefully she'll feel unwell without actually being sick. Which is about the best you can say for chemotherapy.

Off to Bents lunchtime today to meet Jim for a coffee and a browse of the spring plants (have an extra day off for Maundy Thursday - yes I know its Tuesday). Karen arrives soon to stay for two nights too as she has some work stuff to do up here so it'll be great to see her too. Its been far too long.

And that's all. J x

Phone Now Working

Phew! J x

Stop Press

My mobile phone has stopped working so if you've texted me or phoned me today I haven't received it. You'll need to e-mail or phone the land line. Sorry. I'll update when I've sorted it out. J x

Update

So Mum had her first treatment on Monday and the effects are starting to kick in so she's feeling out of sorts and her food is starting to taste metallic. Hopefully this won't last too long. So it's one down, 5 to go.

Went to see Matthew Bourne last night - Nutcracker. Very good as ever although maybe a little too much on the jokey side for my tastes. Some lovely dancing though - especially from the Sugar Plum Fairy. Then to Lime for a couple of beers with Jim and Geoff. Very nice with some lovely eye-candy on hand too!

Have been in Wrexham all week which hasn't been too bad: apart from the one or two traffic problems. Back there Monday and then that will be it for a while. Lovely weather at the moment - I should really be out on the terrace gardening now... but we all know that's not gong to happen. Anyway, that's all. J x

My New Favourite Band

Must Not Shop

Dear Readers, if you ever happen to be in London and, maybe, walking down Conduit Street and you spy me on the very same street then please knock me to the floor and get someone to sit on my head whilst you steal my wallet. On no account must I be allowed through the doors of the Issey Miyake shop whilst carrying a credit card. Its still too painful to go into the details but I'll let you all know at some point in the future. Maybe when they let me out of debtors prison... That's all. J x

I Love This...

.... and just wanted to share it with you.

Sweeney

Was good. But not that good. Imelda Staunton is a complete star and hugely enjoyable in the show and Michael Ball isn't too bad either. But the set, direction and supporting cast are poor. Not up to West End Standards I'd say. Which is a shame as I am a Sondheim-ite as I'm sure you all know. My favourite production of this remains the show-on-a-shoestring production I saw at The Lowry where there was no orchestra (the cast payed instruments on stage as required) and Sweeney was played by, wait for it, Jason Donovan. I know!

The Hoxton hotel is fab though. Both uber-trendy and comfortable at the same time. My perfect combination. Lots of local shopping too so will have to plan carefully tomorrow as I also want to do Selfridges, Dover Street Market and Bond Street.

Two martinis at One Aldwych before show tonight but it was very very busy (had to sit at the bar. I know!). That's all. J x

Morning Peeps

Off to the dentist in a mo for a filling. Joy of joys. Then off to London to see the fabulous Imelda Staunton and the less than fabulous (imho) Michael Ball - although reports say he's very good in this - in Sweeney Todd. V v excited indeed. Not coming back till Monday (hate trains on a Sunday) and so will avail myself of various opportunities on Sunday in our capital city - galleries, museums, retail, more retail, martinis etc. Will let you all know how it goes. May even blog from the hotel (The Hoxton in the East End - never stayed there before so quite excited about that too). That's all, J x

Homeward Bound

Back to Manchester today, helpline tonight. Leaving Swansea in a happier frame of mind than when I arrived. Mum and Dad much calmer too. I think we all feel like we've had good news even though the news is. essentially, Mum still has cancer. Fingers crossed now that the treatment will be as successful as the last two times... See you soon Manchester. That's all. J x

Good News (Ish)

So saw the consultant this morning (she was very nice). Its the same ovarian cancer as before. The fact that it has been in remission so long is good news as it means that it should respond well to gently chemotherapy. Mum will only have one type this time round so she shouldn't lose her hair like she did on the second course of treatment and the anti-sickness stuff they give her has improved and so she shouldn't feel as sick as she did the first time. She will have one session every 3 weeks for 18 weeks i.e. six cycles. She has her initial assessment on Thursday (finally they're quick about something) and so the course should start soon. And that's what we know today.

National Botanic Gardens tomorrow. Hooray. Back to Manchester Thursday. That's all. J x

Swansea, Dear Swansea

Arrived home. Journey not too bad - little traffic but plenty of roadworks. Both Aged Ps looking hale and hearty and both Aged Ps within 10 minutes of my arrival have retired to separate rooms to watch tennis (Mum) and football (Dad). At least I'm now clear where I come in the pecking order...

Have consultant's appointment on Monday (not sure what time) so I'll update you on the position after that. Bizarrely the sun is shining here! That's all. J x

I am eternally grateful...

... to Ms Jane Murray. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYdpte1W0vk&feature=related

That's all. J x