Anxiety 2, Depression 3

Not quite "Dance 10, looks 3" but it does have a certain ring to it (a little Chorus Line quote there especially for Figgles who loves it so. In fact he loves it so much he'll be over the moon to hear that a new Broadway production is opening in October). The score at the head of this post however refers to my actual levels of anxiety and depression as measured by Sister Donna at my ICU follow up appointment this morning. Considering that the relevant scores were 12 and 15 3 weeks after I left ICU I'm sure you'll all agree that there's been a vast improvement. We like Sister Donna because she's also promised to refer me to the ICU physios for whom the waiting time is measured in weeks rather than months (if you're reading this Caroline, how's that coming? The ICU physios are in addition to, rather than instead of, any other physiotherapy referrals).

For those among us who remember Peter Frost, I hear that he has been lured away by those people with suitcases full of money at Ernst & Young. I pass no judgements here (although I had plenty to say by text message, rest assured).

And finally, Karen - have you got that address for me yet? J x

Back Where The Whippets Roam Free

Yes, I survived the arduous journey North and am now safely ensconced in the apartment. May I take this opportunity to thank the Aged Ps for their hospitality and generally for looking after me and cossetting me.

Some plants appear dead whilst others, I think, are just resting. I'll let you know of any miraculous recoveries in the next few days. Not much to report as have only just got back but I am informed by my buddy Figster that we'll be going to see Wicked in October. V excited. Also v excited about seeing Evita in September and whatever it was I asked Denise to get tickets for that we're going to see on my birthday.

Manchester Pride is fast approaching and have decided that I will go along to see the parade but won't actually be attending the enclosure since unable to consume vast amounts of alcohol (which is pretty much the point of attending the enclosure).

Will post tomorrow following my hospital appointment (but don't get too excited as its just an Intensive Care follow-up appointment). J x

Darts?

What a wonderful idea. I should warn anyone picking me for their team (yes, I know I'll be the last one - always the skinny kid that was picked last at school, that's me) that I was once beaten in a darts match by someone who was registered blind. I'm just saying...

2 more days and I'll be at home looking at all my dead unwatered plants (oh why didn't I take Denise up on her offer to water them? What madness was it that made me think: "This is Manchester, it always rains"?). Its been nice to be at home though (if exhausting - mother had a full social calendar mapped out for me!) and I think this is probably the longest I've stayed at home since I actually left home all those decades ago.

At MRI on Thursday but its a routine follow up appointment so nothing to get excited about. And that's about all the news for now. I'll post when I'm back to let you all know that I made it safe and sound. J x

Connection Problems

Whilst I am able to access this lovely blog from Swansea I cannot (for some reason, maybe something to do with the fact that Windows 2000 is now 6 years out of date?)access my e-mails. If you have anything urgent to communicate with me you'll either have to do it publicly in this forum or privately by text message (078333 90996).

Fairly quiet day today although did make trip to the solicitors to sort out my will. Also found out whilst I was in town that the first house I ever owned (bought for £15,000 in 1983) is back on the market for £175,000. If only I hadn't sold.... J x

Swansea Calling

Made it home safe & sound. Drove all the way and it took 3 and three quarter hours - a record. But then of course the Aged Ps did point out that I was speeding all the way. I blame the drugs. Suffered for it the rest of yesterday as I was completely knackered and my back gave me a bit of gyp (first time I've ever used that as a written word, I wonder what the provenance is - probably best not to ask!). Went to town this morning to stock up on some essentials I'd forgotten to bring and ran into someone with whom I used to work in the post office forever ago. She'd hardly changed at all - needless to say she didn't recognise me. Taking it easy this afternoon (cricket on the telly...) and off to a botanical garden tomorrow morning. Will post again soon now that I've mastered dial up internet access! J x

P.S. While I remember -

1. Sarah W - sorry, I know I forgot to send you a birthday card (happy birthday for the 5th) and I haven't got my address book so I'll send you a v v belated one upon my return to Manchester.

2. Kathryn and Andrew - have forgotten my address/phone book (see above) and so I can't ring you to get together. Not sure if you have the Aged P phone number (01792 299104) so please phone and we'll sort something out. Hilary is coming round Thursday night (and your parents are to be invited I believe) but if that's not convenient just give me a bell. It would be great to see you.

3. Everyone else. I love you dearly.

All Packed

The drugs need a bigger bag than the clothes (but that's because I only wear "skinny fit" these days...)! See you all when I get back. J x

Bon Voyage

Aged Ps have arrived safely. We're all off to Wales tomorrow so I don't know how much opportunity I'll have for posting on here over the next week or so. Hopefully I'll be able to post some comments from my dad's computer but, if not, I'll be back in Manchester on the 16th as I have an appointemnt at MRI on the 17th (its just a follow up check after my time on the ICU). Aged Ps are currently in Livebait while I'm off to watch that Andrew Lloyd Weber thing (I'm so gay....). J x

Donnie Darko

Blimey! Any ideas? J x

Here's A Thought

Denise has loaned me a book written by a woman who survived cancer "against all the odds" and the book is about her fight. Having read the first couple of chapters and not yet having got into all the vitamin regimes etc it appears that she owes her survival principally to "the power of prayer". On these grounds alone there seems little point in me reading on but a question occurred to me. A lot of people who have talked to me or contributed to the blog or sent cards (including one ordained minister - thank you again Roger) have told me that I will be included in their prayers. If I personally don't believe in a God are all those prayers wasted? Is God likley to want to save an unbeliever? Discuss. J x

What A Busy Day

Had to go to the GP this morning to get prescription for drugs to take home to Swansea next week. When I got to the chemist I discovered he'd only prescribed me 3 days of anti-sickness drugs which is, of course, not enough so I have to go back again tomorrow. Met DD for lunch at Love Saves The Day. She had a roll and coffee and I had a sniff. The aromas were wonderful. Can't wait until I'm eating again. I bet all that weight is going to go straight back on.

Then called round to Gill's this evening to see her new garden (fantastic) and her new carpets (living room is huge). Ended up helping put together her new garden table (which is only fair as she helped me put mine together). Its dead swanky with a black glass top.

Phew. Knackered (even though I also slept for 3 hours this afternoon).

Also spent today (and yesterday) mourning the loss of Mrs T who will be departing HMRC shores for pastures new at the end of September. Boo hoo. What will I do without her? Who will have lunch with me now? She promises to stay in touch but you know what its like: out of sight..... J x

Just Watched...

... King of Comedy. What a superb film. Robert de Niro is incredible (and Sandra Bernhard is type cast as a mad singing crazy woman). Does anyone know whether or not de Niro got an oscar for the role? J x

Skinnny Bitch

The nutritionist has just been to see me and expressed concern at all the weight I've lost (over 5 stone now). However, I'm hardly thin and I don't look in the least malnourished. After some tough negotiations she agreed that I could go down to 14 stone (which will be 6 stone lost) before she'd call the diet police. I can't remember the last time I was 14 stone (I think I might have been about 8 years old) and since all my clothes now fit me I don't think that I would like to go lower than this.

A lot of my weight loss of course occurred whilst I was in hospital for 3 weeks doing nothing and so consists of lost muscle rather than fat. I now have to try and rebuild the muscle I lost which hopefully should lead to a rebalancing of my body. Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen me recently I'm hoping to attend the drinks part of Bob's do on Friday with Denise so you can judge for yourselves.

Spent all yesterday doing nothing and certainly feel the benefit of that today. I predict it will be a good day today despite the rain. J x

Damp

Typical, its been hot and sunny for weeks and then as soon as we got to Tatton it started raining. Actually, it didn't start as soon as we got there it at least waited until everyone (apart from me) had eaten. It was good just to see and smell all that lovely food though (you have no idea how much Jane spends on bread). Food for me is the new porn. I read magazines, watch TV shows and smell it every opportunity I get. Unfortunately, I just can't eat it. I tried a spoonfull of yoghurt on Friday and it was like trying to swallow broken glass.

The concert and the fireworks were fabulous (rain notwithstanding) unfortunately the journey home was anything but. It took us an hour to get out of Tatton and then a further hour just to get to Manchester i.e. 2 hours for a journey that should have taken 20 minutes. I was in such pain with my back by the time I got home. Bill does have a lovely new car though which made the journey more bearable. Having a rest day today i.e. not going anywhere although I believe that Denise will be calling round tonight. J x

Rain Rain Go Away

Another bright and sunny day here oop North. However, having decided to brave the Tatton Park concert tomorrow, the forecast is for rain. Bloody typical. Would not normally attempt such a night out but Jane (gawd bless 'er) has said that she'll bring me home early if needs be. Hurrah for Jane (and Bill of course).

Not felt as good today as I did yesterday. Not sure why. Nothing to do with my visitor though because it was really good to see Jim who I haven't seen for a while. J x

Party Pooper

Have decided to cancel my birthday party this year. I've no idea how I'm going to feel and in any case its unlikley that I'll be up to enjoying it fully. Sorry for the disappointment I know you'll all be feeling! I'll be back next year though...

Had an OK day today. Went for a walk this morning and got wiped out by it (again). I don't know whether its me or the heat. Probably a combination of the two. Nothing else to add at this time. Sorry. J x

Goatee Beard

Yes, I am trying one on for size. The radiotherapy means that the "goatee area" is the only place where facial hair is growing at the moment. I don't know whether this change is permanent or not. Plus it hides some of the scarring. Having said that the facial scars are not looking too bad and seem to be fading quite nicely. My arm, chest and stomach scars however are still blatantly obvious. My facial swelling (for those who haven't seen me recently/at all) has also gone down a lot. I now look like a long lost cousin of the elephant man rather than the elephant man himself.... J x

P.S. Yes, I'm not proud, I admit this is an outrageous attempt at getting everyone who has seen me to steam in and say how gorgeous I am etc etc

50 Films

I watched "50 films to see before you die" on Channel 4 last night and was rather disturbed to realise that there were a lot that I hadn't seen. For those of you that didn't watch I have reproduced the list below. Those with an asterix are those that I have seen. If you have any of the unstarred films on video or DVD then could I borrow them please? I'd also be interested to know what other people's count is of the number they have seen. I'm guessing but I suspect Jane and Bill will win this particular competition but lets wait and see....

50 Badlands
49 Secrets & Lies
48 Agurre: the Wrath of God
47 Brazil *
46 This Sporting Life
45 Cabaret *
44 Raising Arizona
43 Princess Mononoke
42 Dawn of the Dead
41 Manhunter
40 The King of Comedy
39 The Ipcress File
38 Mulholland Drive
37 The Searchers
36 Fight Club *
35 The Ladykillers
34 The Royal Tenebaums
33 Three Colours Blue
32 Terminator 2 *
31 Scarface
30 All About Eve *
29 Pink Flamingos *
28 Fanny & Alexander
27 The Breakfast Club *
26 Hero
25 Trainspotting *
24 Erin Brockovich *
23 A Night at the Opera
22 Heavenly Creatures
21 Come and See
20 The Player
19 Boyz n the Hood
18 Black Narcissus
17 Walkabout
16 Touch of Evil
15 Pulp Fiction
14 Lagan: Once Upon a Time in India
13 The Shawshank Redemption *
12 Lost in Translation
11 Alien *
10 Manhattan
9 Donnie Darko
8 A Bout de Souffle
7 North by Northwest *
6 2001: A Space Odyssey *
5 Sexy Beast *
4 Chinatown
3 City of God
2 The Apartment
1 Apocalypse Now

Look forward to hearing your scores. J x

Uneventful

This is good news if a little boring. Saw DD last night which, of course, wasn't boring at all. Nothing more to add really. Sorry. J x

Empty Nest

Now I know what its like when the kids grow up and leave home. Only in this case its my parents that have left. What is one supposed to do with oneself? There's no-one to clean up after, no fights to sort out, no tears before bedtime...

Good feeling today in that I feel like I've turned a corner in the past couple of days. Since the beginning of the week I've been feeling a little better each day and let me tell you that's a good way to feel. Still got problems with my throat (and that damn phlegm) but the skin on my neck has cleared up and my ears are on their way (although still bleeding a little at night). The throat is the main thing now since once that has cleared up I can start looking at getting back to eating and drinking normally and once I'm doing that the sky's the limit. I understand that I need to be back in work (Beryl's deadline notwithstanding) by April 2007 as that is when we enter the brave new compliance world. Can't wait... J x

Actually...

...it might have been called a "yanker" rather than a "jerker". I can't remember now. I was on too many drugs. This must be what it is like to have lived through the sixties... J x

Swallow or Spit?

I did have a sucking machine whilst I was in hospital (see comment by the wench). Strangely enough, the attachment that you put in your mouth to clear the phlegm was called a "jerker" so even more oo er missus potential! Anyway, things seem to be improving so I don't think we need to go down the road of obtaining machinery although it was a good suggestion. I also gargle with salt water which helps dislodge the thick and gooey bits whilst also keeping my mouth pristine and hygienically clean.

Just watched Now Voyager and so wanted to leave you with these quotes -

"Copacabana. There's music in that word"

"Dora, I suspect you're a treasure"

"Jerry, don't lets ask for the moon. We have the stars"

That's all for today folks. J x

Lost

Ooooooh. Devious Charlie. I never saw that coming.... J x

I've Come Over All Bjork

Its oh so quiet (no-one asking me what the answer to 2 down is), its oh so still (no-one bustling around because he can't sit still for 3 minutes)... yes, I've packed the Aged Ps onto the Heatwave Express and sent them back to Wales. The rest should do them good provided they don't melt before they get there. Gone they may be, but not forgotten as large portions of their wardrobe remain here (they shopped so hard in Manchester that not everything would fit into their cases for the journey home!). I'm missing them of course but they need some time to themselves and not running around after me. I'm a big boy now. And NO MORE SPORT!!!!

Still not able to speak for any length of time (oh that phlegm gets everywhere) and so receiving visitors is difficult. Hopefully I'm on an upward track now (the skin on my face and neck seems to be healing nicely and hopefully the lining of my throat is progressing similarly well) so it shouldn't be too long before I can see you all again. The idea is that I won't go home now until mid-August so plenty of time. No idea about returning to work though. I imagine I'll have to be off the tube feeding before anyone is ready to recommend I go back. I'll discuss with Caroline (my cancer nurse, unfortunately on holiday again from the end of this week) and the consultants (not seeing them now until 24 August) and, of course, Bob (although he leaves the end of next month too). God, I won't have anyone to talk to!

Anyway, having an OK day today and that's all I can ask for. J x

I Heart My GP

Saw my GP this morning and he's prescribed me gallons and galloons of drugs so I'm a happy bunny. Such a happy bunny in fact that I'm packing the Aged Ps on the train home tomorrow and going it alone. I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing them bon voyage.

God its hot though. J x

P.S. Officially lost four and a half stone now. Confidently expect to reach the 5 mark by the time I'm on solids again.

Bless Kylie

Ditto to everything she said. Especially the bit about wearing lots of diamonds... J x

What A Difference A Drug Makes

Got hold of some more anti-sickness drugs and, guess what? I stopped being sick. Genius! Unfortunately, my stubborness (double "n"?), meant that it was 2200 before I conceded that I needed more anti-sickness drugs which meant that my parents ended up walking to a chemists on Oxford Street at 2300 on a Saturday night to pick them up for me. Thank God they survived this ordeal and as a result I'm feeling much better now. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them.

Due to dearth of anything good to watch on TV on a Saturday night we ended up watching The African Queen and Rear Window DVDs. What fab films they both are. Anyway, its 1100 on Sunday morning so I'm off for a shower and the Aged Ps are off to watch Country File. J x P.S. Welcome back Jane & Bill, we missed you too.

Sick Of Being Sick

Been sick twice already this morning. Not known whether cause was imminent departure of Aged Ps (no longer going) or the visit of the stalwarts last night. Anyway, I'm fed up of it. My treatment has finished and I'm supposed to be feeling better. Only I don't. I hate this. J x

BMs A Go-Go

Couldn't keep me off the toilet yesterday evening! Feeling a little better today than I did yesterday. Not going home this weekend though. Aged Ps are catching the train tomorrow morning. Also not up to baking a cake so the stalwarts will have to make do with shop-bought tonight. I wonder if they'll be able to tell the difference? J x

Yeuch

Not been a good day today. A lot of back pain and feeling sick this afternoon (although haven't actually been sick). May delay going home this weekend as the journey may be a bit too ambitious at this stage. Won't take a final decision until Saturday though. Its likely that the Aged Ps will go anyway as, apart from the wonderful support they've given me - and continue to give me, there's little practical stuff that they can do for me now. Sorry for sounding so despondent. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow. J x

Roger My Boy

You're a hit! Seems everyone on the blog likes you. How very different from real life....

I have to say though that I am one of your fans and I was very touched to receive your card and, now, your contribution to the blog - even though I cannot understand half of it because as you very well know I CAN'T SPEAK WELSH. Glad to hear that things are working out for you what with the ordination and everything. I forgot to ask Karen though, does this mean you've given up HMRC? Of course you won't have given up sermonising no matter what walk of life you are now engaged in! Are you still in Portsmouth? And why does Karen refer to you being on the "dark side"? These and many other questions to be answered (hopefully) in the next posting from Revrs. J x

What Happens Now?

Was sick this morning. Unpleasant but not really news. Have been OK for the rest of the day though. Also had a BM this afternoon which was encouraging. Did some ironing. Had a sleep.

Aged Ps off to Dunham Massey tomorrow. And that's about all the news from today. Sorry to be so boring but, from a personal point of view, boring is good! J x

All Over Now

At least Wimbledon and the football are. The cancer goes on. True, the treatment has finished for now. The side-effects from the treatment can however intensify over the next week or so. So that's something to look forward to! And once the side-effects start subsiding I then have to think about whether the cancer will spread or not. All cheerful stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyway, today is a day for celebration becuase one stage, at least, of my journey is over. None of us know, least of all me or the doctors, how long this journey may last. But I'll be glad if you stick with me for the rest of it - wherever it leads. In the meantime, life goes on. I'm off to Swansea on Saturday for a week and then back to Manchester. Hopefully by that time I'll be up to having visitors although I am, of course, receiving the stalwarts on Friday for a special cake visit (God help them). I'm also hoping to be well enough to go to the Tatton Park picnic concert at the end of July. The flower show is a definite no-no though. J x

Choked

Guys, how can I ever thank you enough? I'm overwhelmed by your gift. I promise not to spend it wisely. In fact I shall probably blow the whole amount on one of those gorgeous to look at but ridiculously expensive garden books. Or maybe something on fashion with lots of pretty frocks/boys/boys in frocks in it. Or what about a master class in how to bake lemon slices cook book? There must also be a few Terry Pratchett's I need to catch up on. And the odd Stephen Donaldson. Oooooh. I don't know where to start but trust me when I say I'm looking forward to many a happy browsing hour in Waterstones. Once again, thank you so much. A person couldn't ask for a nicer bunch of friends. J x

1...

Just back from Christies. Apparently there's no champagne reception or anything at the hospital to mark the end of this stage of my treatment. Don't they know who I am?

Appear to have reached the plateau of uckiness in that I have a mouthful of mucus that is too disgusting to leave there but too painful to expel. Whither the mucus therefore? Answers on a postcard to...

Am going to bake a cake next week to cheer myself up even if it doesn't cheer up anyone who has to eat it. J x

2...

Sorry this is so late. Have felt a bit out of sorts today (alongside all the usual aches, pains and soreness). Not sure why. Looking forward to starting to recover from the treatment though. Don't know how long that will take. Have decided to go home to Swansea with my parents from the 15th until the 22nd July. I'll come back on my own then. And then I can start thinking about a return to work. Hurrah, I hear you all chorus! Well don't get your hopes up yet, we'll have to see how my recovery goes. I suspect the tiredness will be a major obstacle - I seem to have 2 naps a day now on top of my night time sleep. Also, painkillers and feeding. Is the revenue ready to watch me pumping stuff directly into my stomach through a tube? And there's also the question of a desk. I hear on the grapevine that mine has been given away. How quickly you all forget... J x

3...

Not long now. Had another OK day yesterday and not too bad so far today although my mouth is really really sore and I appear not to have hit any plateaus (plateaux?) just yet. Will probably go home to Swansea for a week or so early to mid July for a bit of R & R (although to be honest, with my parents here, every day is R & R for me). I'll then come back in time for the Halle at Tatton. No idea if I'll be picnicing by then but its worth going just for the music and the fireworks. Maybe I'll manage a little gazpacho. And coffee. God I miss coffee. I make my dad have a cup of coffee every morning just so I can smell it.

Alll the above is dependent on hospital visits etc. I know that Christies won't want to see me for 6 weeks following my treatment but YS and Caroline have yet to make their intentions clear. I'll let you know as soon as I know. J x

4...

OK day yesterday although had a crap night last night. Probably due to the heat though rather than the treatment. Everything is getting very sore though. Even my tongue is sore. Might have to start upping the morphine from the current 4 times a day.

Went to John Lewis after the session this morning and we bought my Mum a skirt, my dad a wallet, me a shirt (no, I don't have enough) and a box of assorted shortbread for the radiographers. All in all a successful shopping trip although it left me exhausted and I had to sleep for 3 hours afterwards. J x

Altogether Now... 5...

Saw the consultant this morning as he was a bit concerned last Thursday to learn that the phlegm I've been bringing up was green. Was able to reassure him that we are back to a nice primrose yellow now. He said that given that I was having 6 weeks treatment rather than 4 that I might find that the side-effects would "plateau" around now. That would be nice. We'll see. Tennis this afternoon. Not attractive though poor Andy Murray... J x

Praise The Lord...

... and pass the toilet paper! J x

Well At Least The Football's Over

I can't believe we missed 3 out of 4 penalties. Still I don't suppose you can blame the team. Its not like they're professionals or anything....

Daleks and cybermen. Who saw that coming eh? Still nice to see that Mickey has obviously been attending a gym in the other dimension and has access to good skin care. Not that any of that would make him gay or anything....

Thanks to my sponsors, the Wellcome Foundation and various other drugs conglomerates, I've had a not too bad day again today. Can't remember when I last had a bowel movement though. But that's the morphine. Have now lost 4 stone since the start of this all. Am fairly sure that I will lose another stone as soon as I have my next bowel movement...

Nothing else to report although I believe the tennis might be quite exciting at the moment too. J x

Another Not Bad Day...

....in the scheme of things. Throat still incredibly sore and mouth full of mucus but it could be worse. Morphine and metochlopromide and paracetomol and movicol and brufen all help.

Good news for my Team Leader today. He's got early retirement which he's pleased about. I, for one, will miss him though as he's the best boss I think I've had in the Revenue. Sad news for Soozie as she didn't get early retirement but that's because she's just too damn young and vibrant and with so much still to offer. Am secretly (although not so secretly now) pleased that Soozie is staying on since her plan, once she retires, is to move even further North (is that possible I hear the Southerners among you gasp) and then we'd lose touch and end up hating each other. Or something like that anyway. I'm just glad she and Kev are still going to be around for a while as I've come to rely on them a lot (I know, selfish reasons). Cancer makes you thin and selfish!

Football and tennis are endless. Aged P's off to Choice tonight for a meal so I'm all alone. Boo hoo. Don't phone though as I can't speak. J x

Relatively Speaking...

... today has been OK. Only 7 more sessions to go. Saw the consultant this afternoon and he's happy with my progress under the treatment (not that they can tell anything yet but the side effects are only the ones they were expecting). My ears are bleeding but apparently that's not unusual either. My sore throat makes it really difficult for me to talk so if you telephone its likely to be a short conversation. I'm also not up to having visitors at the moment. Getting to watch lots of Wimbledon now (thanks Mum) as well as lots of football (thanks Dad) but hey, look on the bright side, no-one's mentioned snooker for ages. Just taken half a dozen drugs so it must be time for bed (except that I sleep a lot of the day too anyway) so I'll say goodnight all and talk tomorrow. J x

Morphine Helps

But rather bizarrely it helps with the sickness as much as with the pain. Trouble is it makes you feel exhausted and also constipates you. So I now need to take laxatives as well on top of everything else. I'm keeping a running list of all the drugs I take and when so that I don't overdose. I'll let you know tomorrow how many I'm on. Off to bed (again) now. J x

Feel Dreadful

Not a lot to add to that. Sorry. J x

And Then It All Went Horribly Wrong

Enjoyed the Bridgewater but paid for it today. Been sick twice and throat is raw. Virtually unable to speak due to pain and even trying to swallow morphine hurts! Also very tired now and have slept/dozed a lot of today. We'll see how the night goes. Hopefully I may feel a little better tomorrow.

On the bright side, I am now two thirds of the way through my treatment and I won't be having any more chemotherapy. My radiotherapy regime changes from tomorrow as well since they'll be using "electrons" rather than radiation (apparently we can't irradiate my spine any more). This means longer in that bloody mask. Oh joy. 10 sessions to go though. Just 10.... J x

Dr Who

Pants. That's all I'm going to say on the subject. Apart from, whose bloody idea was it to bring the cybermen back? They were crap at the start of the series. But if they're back then perhaps (gay?) Mickey is back too? We'll see. J x

DD's Back

And looking hale and hearty too. She regaled us with lots of stories of Italy, how awful the wine was and showed us lots of photos of sky. She isn't coming to Bridgewater tomorrow on account of having to watch the football and get drunk on lots of (English?) wine. Mr & Mrs T will be there though. Its Mozart's Clarinet Concerto and Beethoven's Eroica symphony. I've no idea what what either of them sound like but I'm sure I'll recognise them from the adverts once they get going. I'll let you know (of course) how it all went tomorrow. Night. J x

Once More A Porker

Put on 3lbs yesterday. How did that happen? I've only upped my nutritional supplements by one delicious yummy vanilla flavoured vitiman and mineral packed carton a day. I think they're made by the same people who make Slimfast and its their way of ensuring that people who lose weight in hospital go straight back on a diet as soon as they're well. At least that's my theory. Allegedly (in case any Slimfast lawyers are reading this).

Wanted to be sick this morning. Tried to be sick this morning. Couldn't do it. Presumably the anti-sickness medicine is working therefore. It did mean though that I missed out on that post-sickness feeling of wellbeing one gets. Difficult to please? Moi? Anyway, anti-sickness medicine goes down today from 5 to 3 doses so the nausea may yet arrive.

No plans for today although thinking of the Bridgewater Hall tomorrow evening (vomit permitting). May post later if anything thrilling happens. Like Dr Who. I thought last week's was the best of the whole series so far. J x

Chemo Side Effects Kick In

Only this time its random hiccupping rather than random vomitting. On the whole I prefer the hiccups! No more radiotherapy for 2 days. Hurrah. And after Monday I will be two thirds through the treatment. Double hurrah. Throat getting really rather sore now. Boo. Saliva situation unchanged. Hurrah. Mucus situation worse. Boo. Ups and downs at the moment friends. Just like life eh? And at least it is life at the moment for me. Treble hurrahs and hurrahs all round. Night night. J x

Honestly, The Fuss You Lot Make

Chemo was a breeze. Wasn't sick (nor did I feel sick) once. In fact, feeling better today than I have for the last couple of days. Assuming things carry on like this I am now open for visits.

Had a visit from Caroline and YS and Frances this morning. It was great to see them all and they really cheered me up. The visits were as much social as medical since there was nothing really wrong with me. Do you think they all think I'm a drama queen? How little they know me....

But despite all the euphoria over my physical condition I am in excruciating pain mentally since I am wracked with guilt on account of having forgotten Mrs T's birthday. How could such a thing have happened? Obviously I hadn't forgotten that she had a birthday since, despite appearances to the contrary, she is mortal. I also hadn't forgotten that it was imminent since she had gone to the trouble of printing out my works diary and highlighting the date on it for me. Its just that I'd forgotten it was yesterday. Goddess that she is, she has forgiven me though (to err is human - me, to forgive divine - her: and I'm not talking about the 30 stone drag queen either who is now dead anyway leaving a gap in the market that could have been filled by me had I not lost all this weight - 3 and a half stone).

See you all soon J x

P.S. I had asked Mrs T to print the diary thing. She didn't do it off her own bat so that I would buy her something. Honest. No, really. Oh please yourselves, you lot would think the worst of anyone...

Last Post

See you on the other side. J xxxxx

Rough as...

...anything. Having spent the past week with people telling me how well I look I now feel like crap. Unfortunately, my near perfect genes mean that I still look gorgeous. Isn't life unfair?

Threw up last night and again this morning and now have (even) more drugs from Christies. Honestly my kitchen wouldn't look out of place in Columbia. Christies also told me I'm too thin. Actually, they didn't tell me that. No-one has ever told me that. They did say however that they would prefer me to stop losing weight otherwise my mask won't fit properly and they'll end up treating the wrong bits. Now having to "eat" more. Never thought anyone would tell me that either (apart from my Mum and that incident involved a piece of beef but I don't think we need to dwell on that episode).

Have had to cancel all visitors for the forseeable. Sorry. Will let you now when next I'm "at home". Mr Lewis regrets that he's unable to lunch today, Madam.

Congrats to Mr H, by the way.on his honour. Does this make Margaret a Dame? TTFN. J x

Half Way

Which should be a cause for celebration only I don't much feel like celebrating. Feeling a bit rough and tired today and not looking forward to Wednesday.

My angel called tonight and brought me an angel which was a lovely gift, particularly since its a "Good Health" angel. Together with my Spanish sheep I'm now half way to a nativity scene. Just need a Mary and, of course, the baby Jesus. Three wise queens wouldn't go amiss either. Or a stable. And a star. And some shepherds. But apart from all those I'm half way to a nativity scene and half way through my treatment. Coincidence? I don't think so.... J x

Just Watched...

...the fireworks at the end of the Take That concert in the City of Manchester stadium. They were spectacular (as I'm sure the concert was too).

Lemon slices were a disaster. there seemed to be a misunderstanding between me and the cookbook as to what constituted "light and fluffy". Suffice to say, whatever the phrase means it was not embodied in my lemon slices. Never mind, if at first you don't succeed... buy them from the shop!

Have to stop the ibuprofen tonight in readiness for my chemotherapy on Wednesday. I therefore have 6 days of pain and throwing up to look forward to. Not nice. Like my lemon slices. Am fairly sure that the next few days worth of posts will make for depressing reading. You may therefore want to take a short break from the blog and catch up with me again on, say, next Saturday when I should be my cheery self again. J x

Garden Centres Galore

Went to Willowpool and that other one this morning. Bought 4 plants. Nowt else to report. J x

Another Good Day

Bought a tree this morning (just a small one, prunus cestina since you ask). Had radiotherapy this afternoon followed by the reaction clinic. Dr Slevin (consultant) happy with the progress of the treatment from the point of view of my reaction to it. My reaction is "1" on the scale of 1 to 4 i.e. quite a mild reaction at the moment. He's also not worried about the copious amounts of mucus I am producing which he sees as quite normal. God its disgusting though. I hope and pray it won't continue like this after the treatment otherwise expect to see me hawking up gobs of spit in a street near you in the not too distant future... (sorry but I promised you a warts and all account).

Apart from that everything else is World Cup so no comment. Except to say that I shall be baking lemon slices tomorrow for my visitors. Never baked anything before. Poor visitors! J x

On Visitors

I'm currently taking each day as it comes. I had a particularly good day today - so much so that everyone from work said I was looking remarkably well. Well I felt remarkably well too (and quite guilty therefore that I'm not back in work) but this was no guide to how I felt this afternoon (knackered, I slept for 3 hours) and there's no telling how I'll feel tomorrow so its a bit difficult for me to say "yes" to everyone who wants to visit. I'm quite happy to arrange visits but if you're travelling from afar (Leeds, London, Newcastle etc) then you may be disappointed when you turn up and I'm exhausted after half an hour. I'm only saying this so I don't end up offending anyone. Having said all this if you want to visit then I'd love to see you so give me a ring and we'll see what we can sort out. J x

P.S. I have my next chemotherapy session on the 21st and I'm likely to spend the week after that throwing up so those dates probably aren't good for visiting.

All Alone

Early radiotherapy session this morning has allowed Aged Ps to hop on a train and go and see Liverpool Cathedral leaving me to fend for myself. Might attempt a walk into Starbucks to see the gang. Hopefully back lunch-time ish for Denise visit. Would also be great to receive visitors from yonder shores (Newcastle) if they manage to make it over the Pennines. J x

33.333333333%

That's how much of the radiotherapy I've completed. This morning's session was 10 of 30. As far as the chemotherapy goes I'm half way there with 1 of 2 sessions completed. The second session is on the 21st. That will be the longest day in oh so many ways....

Feeling OK. Throat is sore so not swallowing any more but its not necessary anyway because of the tube. Luckily there is no "plegma in de toob" (old Cabaret joke there).

May go and see She Stoops to Conquer tomorrow evening depending on how I'm feeling after tomorrow's session with the radiographers.

Sue & Kev and Denise all called round yesterday and it was great to see them. I'm afraid that if anyone else wants to see me its going to have to be a visit by you rather than the other way round as I think my field trips into town are likely to get less as time goes on. But you're always assured of a warm welcome and a cold glass of wine! J x

Look At The Time

Flowers arived safe, sound and beautiful. Thank you Janet and happy anniversery.

Fig, you mean to say there are drag queens in your past of whom I know nothing? We shall have to have a talk....

Feeling fine, if a little hot, today. Not been sick and I've put on a pound in weight (having now lost 3 stone).

Not watching the football. J x

Bless

Big love goes out to Fig's Mum who sent me some flowers but addressed them to herself rather than me causing the concierge to return them as "unknown at this address". Rest assured M & S are re-delivering them to me tomorrow. Its a lovely thought though Janet, thank you. J x

If Its Not One End Its The Other

I don't think that title needs any further explanation!

Had a good (if tiring) day yesterday. Saw young Sean who is still happy with my progress although I'll probably need more X-Rays for my teeth (now got dental pain too!). Had the radiotherapy and then saw the registrar at the Reaction Clinic. She wasn't too worried about the sickness thing but, rather disturbingly, talked a lot about liquid morphine. So that's more pain to come then is it?

Saw Soozie and Gill in the eve and we sat out on the terrace whilst they enjoyed their glasses of wine and brought me up to date on the office gossip which was very pleasant.

2 more sessions of radiotherapy to go and I'll be a third of a way through the treatment. I think I'll focus on that today and sod the liquid morphine. J x

Its 3 In The Morning...

...and I've just got up to take some painkillers and the blog seems to be working so I'm grabbing the opportunity.

No progress to report since still in pain (back) and still being sick. Have a radiotherapy session this afternoon and also will be attending the "Reaction Clinic" to see how I'm getting on with the chemotherapy. I think "badly" is the answer but I'll let you know what they say officially later. Also seeing young Sean and Caroline at some point today, which is always nice.

Spirits are still up though which is good I think. J x

Hurrah

Is it on? Just a quickie to let you all know I'm still alive but, once again, experiencing problems of the blog kind. Still being intermittently sick (the latest bout caused by champagne - how ironic is that?). My white blood cell count is also about to plummet (a result of the chemotherapy) so if I tell you that you can't come round please don't take offence I'm just trying to keep myself alive (oh, and of course, remaining a drama queen!). Love to you all out there in blog land though. J x

Sunday Ho Hum

Not done anything (in any sense!). Will obviously have to take more laxitives tonight.

Mouth is virtually dry and uncomfortable. Apparently one's mouth produces 2 types of saliva. One of a watery consistency from saliva glands in the upper part of the mouth and one of a thicker consistency in the lower part of the mouth. Unfortunately the radiotherapy knocks out the watery ones leaving one with a mouth that feels dry but gradually fills with a thick viscous liquid. I know, yuck. The only way to deal with this is to brush one's teeth regularly and drink lots of water. Of course, having to brush my teeth regularly nicely coincides with me developing dental pain! Oh the joys of cancer, I could go on and on.... J x

And Here I Am

Spent a really unpleasant 48 hours in hospital. Suffered really intense pain the first afternoon that even morphine didn't seem to be able to touch but thankfully it faded towards evening. Didn't sleep at all that evening and then spent all yesterday throwing up into papier mache bowls (6 times!). Again, really unpleasant and they decided to keep me in last night. Thankfully slept the whole night (under the excellent care of Olivia, thank you Olivia) and felt much better this morning. They've now let me home. Hurrah. Only got to do it one more time now. Apparently these sessions increase my chances of survival by 7 - 8% so I suppose they're worth it.

No other news for now although Mrs T is coming round tonight so no doubt I'll get all the office gossip. Can't wait... J x

A Quickie

Off for chemotherapy today. Not back until tomorrow morning. No idea how I'm going to feel (apart from the back pain of course) so I'll update when I can. I would however just like to welcome Soozie and Nanny back to British waters. I know we've all missed their postings whilst they've been off cruising the Med. J x

God I'm a Shit

Am really nervous about the treatment (first session today, more about that later) and in quite a bit of pain on account of inadequate painkillers (more about that later too) and so I take all this out on my parents by being a really surly difficult sod who snaps at everything that's said. Bless them, they take it all in good part but they don't deserve it after everything they've done for me. So I'm apologising in public for being a complete shit to live with today (will alos apologise privately once they're back from their meal).

Treatment was OK today. There's no pain with the actual treatment (apart from the pain of the mask biting into one's forehead) but the pain starts sometime during week 2 apparently. Sore throat. Painfully dry mouth. And burnt skin. Oh joy. On top of all this I'm not supposed to shave so I'll also look awful. But for anyone interested I now have photos taken by my parents of me in the immediate aftermath of the operations. You will need a strong stomach!

On the subject of painkillers they won't let me take ibuprofen for 3 days either side of the chemotherapy and they won't prescribe morphine. So hard luck me I just have to endure. I suppose in the scheme of things two 6 day periods of bad back pain is not the end of the world but I'd rather not have to go through if its all the same to everyone.

Karen came round tonight and caught me up with all the Sussex gossip. I just wish you lot knew the people involved so I could pass it all on..... J x

The Aged P's Est Arrivee

Yeah, I know that's not yer actual French but you get the point. The Aged P's have arrived safe and sound. They arrived to the (not so) gentle drumming of rain on Manchester rooftops. Plus ca change...

Pain has been not too bad today which I think is down, in part, to being fairly active i.e. I walked into town and home again with no break this morning. Then followed a round of (gentle) cleaning and some washing plus a trip to Sainsbury's.

I'm wondering whether I should start these blog entries a la Bridget Jones (that bloody French gets everywhere although I haven't worked out how to do accents and cidillas obviously). I now have a thermometer so I could let you have daily updates on my temperature, my weight (lost 2 stone but nothing shifted since) and how many painkillers I'd consumed. Let me know what you think together with amusing suggestions for other possible daily updates... J x

Not Happy

Codeine, it seems, doesn't help with lower back pain so I'm stuck with the pain until after the chemotherapy (Wednesday). Its also the weekend (and a bank holiday) so unable to contact anyone for any alternative suggestions. Unsurprisingly I'm not in the best of moods (even though Gill kindly took me to 2 garden centres today which was fun). J x

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth

Perhaps those IT bods have known all along what they were talking about. I turned my computer off and then turned it back on again and everything came back. Hurrah!

A quick update then for those of you worried about me. I spoke to Caroline last night and she said that surgery might not be necessary. The main concern was that there was a hole somewhere out of which the screw had fallen. If this was the case then it was a route for infection to get in. The fact that when Sean examined me he couldn't find a hole meant that the original place where the screw came out must have healed (I'm wondering now whether or not the screw was somehow attached to a stitch inside my mouth because those have been coming out when I brush my teeth over the last week or so). The reason for putting me on antibiotics is that there must have been a hole (since the screw did come out) and therefore an infection may already have got in.

If the screw hadn't come out and I'm not having any problems with my jaw (which I'm not so far) then no-one would have known anything about it and no surgery would have been done. If I continue not to have any problems then surgery might not be necessary. Anyway Sean and Dr Slevin (the cancer chappie) are consulting with another consultant (surgical specialist?, no idea) and so we'll have to wait and see.

Off to the cinema this afternoon so will post again later. j x

Hello?

Is anyone else just getting a big pink screen when they look at the blog? if you are presumably you can't see this posting either.... ! j x

Not Nice

Spent an uncomfortable 45 minutes having the final adjustments made to my mould ready for the start of radiotherapy on Tuesday. I hate that thing.

More worryingly had an X-Ray of my jaw (on account of the loose screw incident) which shows that my jaw is not knitting together as ther doctors had hoped following my surgery. This may entail more surgery in the future. Of course this is quite dangerous following radiotherapy but they can't afford to wait to start the radiotherapy. Anyway, they've given me a course of antibiotics to clear up any infection (if that's what is preventing the jaw joining up) and we'll see what the position is after that has run its course.

All in all a depressing day. J x

Can't Wait For BB Tonight

Apparently Shabaz threatens to top himself and then walks out. Personally I would have thought that there was a queue of people lining up (both within and without the house) to help him do it. What an idiot.

And is it me or is Lost better this series than last? There seems to be a lot more happening and a lot more cliff hangers than series one. Was sorely tempted last night to turn straight over to E4 to watch the next episode but realised that I'd just have to stay up later every week from now on in.

Spent some time at the help line this morning helping out with some admin tasks and then went to B & Q this afternoon for some light bulbs and then did some gardening this afternoon. Phew. Christies tomorrow morning for a rest.... J x

Q: What Costs £1.23?

A: A postcard from Marbella with no stamps on! You know who you are. Did you think the Force would get it here all on its own?

P.S. Happy Birthday to the Figster.

J x

A Screw Loose?

Or a loose screw? Was brushing my teeth last night when a small metal screw fell out of my mouth. Spoke to Caroline today and she spoke to Mr Homer (one of the ENT consultants) and he said not to worry although they'll get an X-ray of my jaw when I'm at Christies on Thursday. In the meantime I have to try and make sure that my face doesn't fall off. That's alright then. Off to watch Big Brother & Lost so catch y'all tomorrow. J x

Eating

Not possible I'm afraid so please don't be popping any fruit cake in the post... I'm still having to feed myself via the tube in my tummy (have we all been paying attention?).

Had a phonecall from Christies this afternoon (luckily before my nap) and the start of my radiotherapy has been postponed until tomorrow week i.e. the 30th. This is because they can't fit me in until Thursdday for the final mould adjustments and then there's paperwork that needs to be done after this. And its bank holiday (hooray for all you people still in work, nice excuse for a trip to the garden centre). I'll also be having my chemo on that day too. Aged Ps are now travelling up on the bank holiday Monday.

Big Brother. Are we watching it? Its car crash TV. You hate yourself for doing it but you can't tear yourself away from the awful fascination. Shabaz. What can one say that the rest of the housemates haven't already said? I can't wait to see tomorrow'a instalment (thank god it doesn't clash with Lost). Memo to self, I don't think its too sad discussing evening TV on here but if I ever stray into daytime TV pleasse shoot me. Finally on the subject of TV, Channel 5 has a Star Trek evening on Wednesday. Live long and prosper. J x

Shopping Costs...

... and right here is where I start paying!

Made it into town and then all the way back home again without the aid of any mechanically propelled vehicles. Due to weather though had to wear big overcoat so by the time I got home was hot, sweaty, exhausted and in pain.

Incidentally, talking of lower back pain, there's an article in today's Times that says that taking ibuprofen long term gives one a 30% higher risk of heart disease. That's better odds of course then the 50/50 cancer prognosis. So what to do? Possibly live longer and in pain or keep taking the medicine? No idea of the correct answer to that one. Will have to explore the possibility of other painkillers. I do know that paracetomol isn't sufficient on its own. I have to give up ibuprofen for a bit though whilst having the chemotherapy so they've prescribed me codeine instead. Unfortunately that constipates you. So if if the cancer and the heart failure don't get me I may just explode!

Although the trip into town (3 shirts purchased) sounds heroic I did have a rest stop at Starbucks (had the coffee without a straw this time). Which meant I was able to see the lovely Jane (all summery and floaty and cute) and the lovely Phil (not particularly summery or floaty but cute of course!). By the way Liz, better safe than sorry is all I have to say on the subject. Get thee to a specialist pronto.

Was planning a trip to Sainsbury's this afternoon for more flavoured milk but may have to have a nap instead. This means cleaning out the cupboard may get pushed back a bit (sorry Mum).

So, think I've made up for not posting anything yesterday, but may post again later anyway. Love you all. J x

Eurovision

What can I say? Superb. Destined to go down in the annals as one of the best competitions for years... J x

Who's On The Phone

Am intrigued to know who is reading this blog and then telephoning Karen to find out details of office closures... Is it ship to shore perchance?

Went to Ordsall Hall today with Jim. What a pile of pants that place is. Really, just pants and full of kids If people need details let me know. But then we went to the Lowry Outlet for a coffee and a browse which was very nice. Didn't buy anything (except coffee) though. I think they only sell second hand (or shop lifted)stuff which is why it is all so cheap. And no-one would accept my Harvey Nicks account card...

Not much else happened today. Did some washing. Threw away some dead flowers (yes I did my tongue exercises mum - she's been out for a chinese tonight and so wasn't at home to nag me when I phoned). Didn't need a nap this afternoon. Also took my painkillers in tablet form tonight. So much less hassle...

Night one and all and don't stay up too late ogling the posh totty on BB. J x

Ow Beagle

What an exhausting day. It kicked off at 0900 with me having blood taken and then some sort of radioactive liquid injected into my veins. I then had to have blood taken again 2 hours later and than again 2 hours after that. In between these vampiric episodes I had my head bolted to a table on 2 separate occasions. It really is an unpleasant experience and one that I will have to repeat 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks. I suppose its better than dying though. I finally left Christies at about 1330.

I then had to have a nap by which time it was visiting hours and Cath, Gill and Denise came along.

And then it was time for Big Brother. Loved the house and the rubber furniture and the whole "outside-in" theme going on. But oh my god the contestants. Don't get me started on Shabaz who needs to be killed (or at the very least voted out) at the earliest opportunity. And before everyone (except Jane) gets snooty with me for watching it, its at least better than 13 weeks of football. J x

Now I Know Why I'm Not Back In Work Yet

Walked into town and went to Boots, M & S and Paperchase. Then had to get a taxi home as was exhausted. On top of that when I got home I had to go for a 2 hour nap! Am I old? J x

Don't Listen To The Woman In The Tutu

I most certainly do have a large lump although strictly speaking it is on my neck rather than my face. Was great to see Jane and Gill today. Thank you for the beautiful flowers. Had a more hectic day today (visitors aside) as I hoovered, did some washing and also some gardening. Phew. Then settled down to watch the latest instalment of Lost. Oh my God. Who are the people who stole Michael's son? They're obviously not the people from the back of the plane (and why are half of them missing?). Got to watch next week now.

Venturing into town tomorrow. On my own. Unless you count my lump as a companion. Personally I don't since it doesn't have much to say for itself and refuses to do any of the household chores. I shall be buying myself some yoghurts and some flavoured milk - my current culinary delights! J x

Moving Swiftly On...

...(in case anyone stumbling across this site thinks we're all geeks who can only talk about doctors and flares), how are you all doing? I've had an uneventful day today since the weather has left me disinclined to do anything. Didn't even make it out of my pyjamas today (my mother will have something to say about that I'm sure).

Susie T called round today on her way to Southampton and the Mediterranean. Bon voyage sweetie (to you and Nanny) and don't forget to log on whilst on the boat.

Sorry, hope to have more to report tomorrow. J x

Dr Who

Oh dear. I liked the zeppelins though. J x

So Sad To be All Alone In The World

Well, they've gone. My Mum was still feeling a bit icky this morning but she wanted to go home so that if she got any worse she'd be able to see her own doctor. I'm really pleased that they've gone since they really need a break from looking after me. And I know that I'm self sufficient in feeding myself and controlling any pain (and frankly, what else matters) but I still feel like I've lost my safety net. I'm really grateful for all that they've done over the last few weeks and I really couldn't have had better parents. So this message is just to say "missing you already" and looking forward to seeing you again on the 24th (they're back up for the radiotherapy). J x

One Swallow...

... does a summer make. Young Sean and Frances were over the moon with my swallowing technique yesterday which was very gratifying. YS also told me that the lump on the side of my face should reduce "significantly" which is also good news. Further down the line there may also be cosmetic procedures that can be undertaken to reduce it even further. I don't think anyone is talking about my returning to my pre-op gorgeousness though. But then Cath said something that brought a tear to my eye, she said that people would like my lump because it was part of me (or words to that effect). How nice was that?

Caroline was pleased with my skin graft and I no longer have to wear a dressing on it. I'll probably still put a bandage on it if I go out or when seeing people because its still not very attractive to look at at the moment. I do get to shower now though without a bag on my arm. My trachy scar is, apparently, "over-granulating" which means its healing too much. I didn't think this was possible but I now have some cream to put on it to stop this happening.

One piece of bad news is that my Mum isn't feeling too well. So the Aged Ps have decided to stay on an extra day until she's feeling better. I now get the chance to look after her which is nice.

Jim and Denise tonight so I'll post later and let you know any further news. J x

Darn It

Spent half an hour typing out reams about my day only for the bloody blog site to collapse on me. Too late to do it all again now but rest assured you would have laughed. You would have cried. You may very well have fallen asleep. Will do it tomorrow as will have a lot of time on my hands on account of being ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD. J x

B & Q today....

... and B & Q tomorrow. Life doesn't get much sweeter than this.

Also got young Sean, Frances & Caroline in the afternoon.

Unfortunately the Scottish One had to delay her visit as she was still working at 2030! And I thought "Lean" meant everything got done a lot quicker...

Good Night One And All J x

Report

Spent afternoon at Christies. Had mould made of my head - which wasn't too bad as the mould is made of a plastic mesh so that it was possible to breathe OK. Mould maker was, I suspect, a friend of Dorothy's and therefore an all round good egg.

Have to go back on the 18th to have the mould marked up (so that they know where to direct the radiation), also to have a CT scan and finally for a kidney function test (apparemtly the chemotherapy can affect the kidneys). My radiotherapy proper then starts on the 25th for 6 weeks. The chemotherapy is given in week one and week 4. The chemotherapy apparently makes the radiotherapy side-effects worse but improves the chances of killing any cancer cells so what's a boy to do? Keep smiling and swallow the medicine! (unless my throat becomes too sore for swallowing medicine...).

Ma and Pa (aka Saints Janet & Bill of the Bowling Green) will be going home on Friday for a well deserved rest from being saintly but will be back on their clouds with their harps newly strung in time for the start of the radiotherapy. When reading this please say "hallelujah and pass the box of wine" out loud to thank them.

The wonderful gift of La Gloria wended its way here from Newcastle (via Germany and/or the US I'm not sure which) and I'm as pleased as punch that it did.

Lost. Curiouser and curiouser. What would have happened if he hadn't pressed the button? Anything? Too tired to think about it now (3 visitors tonight and Karen tomorrow - I need to conserve my strength!). And we're off to B & Q in the morning. Yippee. J x

Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God

I have just been sent a signed photo of Gloria Gaynor. Outstanding. Unbelievable. I am (virtually) speechless. Thank you. J x

Ho Hum

Nothing of interest happened today. Had some mushroom soup. Had a postcard from Spain. Did some dusting. All kicks off tomorrow though with visit to Christies in the afternoon for the mask making. Will update you all on that tomorrow. J x

Just Read...

...a book Caroline loaned me by Christine Piff who had cancer back in the 70s. God I just wanted to slap her she was so cheerful about everything (at least she was in the book). To be fair to her she had it much worse than I have (apparently) and so had very little to be cheerful about. But she must have felt down at times, its only natural. She should have put that in her book. There's no point pretending that things are going to be better than they are. That's also something that worries me from reading John Diamond's book. He complained about the "limited disclosure" practised by the doctors i.e. they too were pretending that things were going to be better than they were by not explaining the full implications of all his results to him. Will therefore challenge young Sean when I see him on Thursday just to make sure that I know all I need to know about the future.

Having said all the above, I'm feeling quite happy today (planted up another planter on the terrace - black grass) but not so happy that you'd want to slap me! Good night Seattle. J x

Moby Dick

Went to see it. Wished I hadn't. J x

Who'd Have Thunk It

(Deep breath, roll of drums) Actually made it to the garden centre today. Only bought 2 geraniums and some plant food but decided on tree and furniture and located whereabouts of pyrocantha so will make another trip soon when ready to plant. I lurve garden centres, particularly Bents.

Also saw speech therapist this morning (nothing to report) and Caroline (nothing to report) and have appointment to see young Sean next Thursday. I wonder how he's getting on?

Night night. J x

Big Steps

What a day it's been. I walked into town this morning to vote (first time I've ever voted Conservative but a) the candidate promised to put recycling facilities outside every appartment block in Manchester - and therefore I get brownie points with Denise - and, b), he was the cutest of all the candidates!). After voting went to Starbucks to meet my Team Leader from work. Bought myself a mocha frappacino only to discover that my suck muscles seem to be somewhat depleted and the drink was too thick for me to coax it up the straw! A huge disappointment.

Bob was well and on form. He even brought me the latest Manager's Briefing Pack detailing all the Local Compliance changes about to be implemented in HMRC. Seems I won't recognise the place when I come back (always assuming I don't go off sheep farming in Wales instead). We even discussed the possibility of me popping in to work to say hello before I start the radiotherapy but I'll have to see how things go before I decide whether I can face doing that yet.

I then walked back to the flat. This was officially my longest trip out and I was knackered by the time I got home and had to retire to my bed. So still not made it to the garden centre yet although it was so windy this afternoon I doubt we'd have been able to do anything on the terrace anyway.

Sue called round this evening and, as always, it was an absolute pleasure to see her. Kev, unfortunately, was otherwise detained elsewhere by a game of snooker and a curry.

As far as the radiotherapy goes, I have an appointment at Christies on Tuesday to have the mould made of my head. Apparently this is to ensure that your head stays absolutely still during the treatment and also that its in exactly the same position on each visit. This ensures the radiation only goes where its supposed to. Also got an appointment at MRI for tomorrow to see the speech therapist who will check on my swallowing (memo to self - check on lack of suck at the same time).

And that's all for tonight folks (barring any late night flashes of inspiration). J x

Finally....

...the food arrives. We can all breathe easy in the knowledge that I'm not about to starve to death. Phew.

Nutritionist visited this morning but didn't have much to say. Denise visited tonight and had lots to say!

Didn't make it to the garden centre as had to wait in all day for the food to arrive but may go tomorrow afternoon. Hooray.

Thanks for the flowers and the flower card. They were all beautiful. I have now had over 80 cards which is just incredible. Who knew I knew so many people (and that they remembered me and that they actually liked me)? I'm extrememly grateful to everyone for all their good wishes. J x

Lost

Phew. Not doing 3rd episode though even though v v exciting. Ms Murray, you're welcome whenever you fancy just give me a call.... J x

A Day of Many Things

Unfortunately, none of them were a garden centre.

Went to the doctor's first thing to get a prescription for painkillers and some sick notes (got one for the next 20 weeks). Will give them to Team Leader when I see him. He phoned this morning but because of running around all day didn't manage to get back to him. Will speak to him tomorrow (hopefully).

Had to go back to the ward to pick up some more Fortisips since the arrangements put in place for me to have them delivered didn't work out as planned. Nutritionist is coming to see me tomorrow now. Had dressing changed by Caroline (who we like lots now and not just because I've given her the blog address).

Dad had to go to the eye hospital (we're a sickly family!) because he's had a bloodshot eye for a couple of days. They told him it was just a burst blood vessel (phew) and nothing to worry about. It should clear up of its own accord in a couple of weeks.

Then had to go to bed as exhausted. Now wide awake and looking forward to a double helping of Lost. Can'twait. J x

Todaay...Nothing...Tomorrow...The Garden Centre

V excited obviously. Can't remember the last time I went to a garden centre. I shall be buying a maple tree, some privet bushes, some compost and a bench. This will be in line with my new and exciting plan for the terrace. Can't wait!

Denise called round tonight and Gill this afternoon so busy day for visitors. My parents (and the snooker) were banished to the bedroom for a (very) brief period.

Need to speak to the doctor (painkillers) and the nutritionist (food) tomorrow and Caroline is calling round lunch time to look at my dressings. Christy (my favourite nurse on the Head & Neck Surgical Unit) called today to find out how I was getting on which was really nice. I now need to invest in some boxes of biscuits to drop off at HNSU, HDU and ITU.

And that's all for today. Hopefully lots of exciting developments (and exciting plants) to report tomorrow. Sleep well all my lovely lovely friends out there in cyberland. J x